Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9

[pineapple888]

A couple of thoughts:

Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.

Regarding points 1-4, I'd recommend that you strive to accept flaws in yourself and others. For example, don't bother to explain everything super-precisely, or expect great results all the time, or expect your family to take a strong interest in what you are doing. The world is messy and frustrating, and raging against that fact won't change it.

Otherwise, nice moment with the birds. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

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You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

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That was ugly.

[SoloAJ]

Nice writeup KT. I have a whole lot of trouble really understanding these posts when they come along, but I'm so entirely fascinated by them.

Being 22, I think I have accomplished (to some degree at least) many of the things that you're thankful for. Other things I realize I am really really far from understanding.

These posts remind me to enjoy my years building up to the turning point. However, they also make me a little sad because I always get the impression of lost dreams or shattered ideals....things I haven't necessarily gone through yet.

While I no longer think I'll be a MLB player, I still like to think I'll have a happy family and a job I love, etc. Unfortunately, there's a decent chance that those types of dreams will fade over time. These posts remind me of that fact sometimes....

[Blarg]

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Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.


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Who knows how long anyone will live. I initially planned to live forever, at many points hoped to die in my sleep, at some point realized that my family's history of quadruple bypasses meant I probably wouldn't get the life span I had originally taken for granted as a virtual divine right, and at this point have decided not to plan around things I have no control over or take so many things for granted.

OP, nice post. I found it interesting that some of your points you're hitting on in your 30's, #'s 1 and 2, describe my early 20's, when I was an absolutely ferocious reader and more intensely intellectual, and had long been an inherent skeptic and deconstructionist. Our stages resemble each other's somewhat, but at different points in time. I was never quite the optimist you were, though we all have our own special set of illusions to lose. Your point #3 is one of the more interesting challenges in dealing with people, but it can be very rewarding when you get it right.

As to family things, some get it luckier, some get it better, and I've found it's a huge mistake to judge almost anyone on those things, as just as with a romantic couple, one will never know more than a fraction of what's really going on between people in a family, and it's arrogant to assume one does. We can't control what we started with, and wearing out one's soul with illusions and recriminations helps no one, but if we do the best we can with our few and meager tools, it can be braver and more worthwhile than any number of the happier stories that are allowed to be told. Good luck with your family, even if you have to patch together your story yourself rather than reiterate one of the more popular ones.

[daveT]

Point #3: Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

The first lesson is that no one thinks intellectually.

[BPA234]

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You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

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Although I don't really like KT' post, I definitely disagree with your perception.

[Blarg]

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nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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After that, it's more or less just slipping down the long slide toward the oblivion of Alzheimer's.

Kidding!

Anyway, chicks dig salt and pepper hair, and it's great that nobody expects you to obsess about doing and saying exactly what everybody else is doing and saying anymore, so much of the time you have left may yet rock mightily.

[Toro]

Have fun tomorrow!

[BPA234]

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I turn 35 tomorrow. If family history is an indication, I have about 30 years left, tops. No worries, as I try to stay young at heart. Here are some things I've figured out about myself so far on this journey.

1. I reserve the right to change my mind. When I was in my 20's I knew it all. Either I forgot most of it or I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was, because now I'm ovwhelmed by just how much I don't know. Maybe it's an effect of finding myself on life's "down" escalator, but my desire to absorb new information is insatiable.

2. All is not as it appears. LDO, but my youthful idealism has given way to healthy skeptcism. I approach just about everything critically these days, from casual conversation to politics to the very central tenets of my upbringing.

3. Other people are always problematic. That's not to say that I've evolved a Sartrian view of the Other, but the flawed nature of communication is the source of most daily stress. No matter how precisely I explain myself, the explanation is dependent on the receiver of the message.

4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

5. Work ain't all that. I was a maniac in my 20's, working insane hours, eager to impress, rarely taking time off. Now I'm a believer in maxing out vacation and sick time. My wife and I are playing hooky tomorrow to go hiking, have a nice lunch, and maybe head to the local art museum in the afternoon. I take my birthday off every year now, and you should too. For the most part, we're all cogs in the wheel. Nothing of what the majority of us do amounts to much. What matters is our own experiences. Bag in sick and enjoy life!

6. Wonders never cease. I spent most of Saturday in my yard, raking leaves and watching the birds at my feeders. On a whim, I palmed a handful of seeds and sat on my stoop, hoping to catch the eye of a brave chickadee. My mom used to urge me to do this as a kid - probably because I was annoying her or something - and it often worked. To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable.

For most of my 20's I was obsessed with the Next Thing. The next car, the next job, the next girl, the next whatever clouded my perception of the present. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that NOW is far more important than the past or the future.

Having said that, I'll probably rush off to by a convertible sports car. FWIW.

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I don't know whether I dislike your post because I disagree or agree with your points. Some I agree with and some I don't. One thing that I think has me not liking it is the "down slope/back 9" sentiment.

35 is the beginning of the prime of your life.

[Myrtle]

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You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

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That was ugly.

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Not only was it ugly, but I am totally befuddled as to how the poster can extract that sentiment from KG's post?

I'd be curious to hear that explanation.

p.s. KT....very nice.

You know how I feel about the things you spoke about.

Life is too short.....enjoy.