How to tell girlfriend about amount of money spent playing poker

Michael Davis · #1 11-24-2007, 07:12 AM

It's probably more important that you not associate with people for whom you need to plan strategies to justify your existence. Four years is a long time but you have a lot more to go.

-Michael

Adebisi · #2 11-25-2007, 12:11 AM

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She doesn't approve of 'gambling' and while she knows I am a winning player, doesn't like that it adds nothing to society.

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It's probably more important that you not associate with people for whom you need to plan strategies to justify your existence. Four years is a long time but you have a lot more to go.

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It's definately a bad idea to consider marrying someone who doesn't "approve" of what you do. I think it's very arrogant when one person thinks that how another person makes a living needs to meet their own personal moral standards. Tell her you'll start contributing to society when society makes your car payment, pays your rent, electric bill, cable bill, health insurance bill, and buys you food, clothes, flatsrceen TVs, and kitchen gadgets.

Don't entangle yourself with people who hold wildly different values than you do. It won't end well.

Captain R · #3 11-25-2007, 02:33 AM

surfdoc is wise.

Anyway, I still don't understand why she doesn't like gambling. It doesn't make sense when she says it "cheapens her work" when you win, and then when you lose it's not good either. It sounds like she doesn't understand variance, which as we all know does take some time to understand in a poker sense.

As for contributing to society, most people who make a$$loads of money are not contributing to society as much as they should. They're charging way too much for whatever service/product they are providing.

Doctors provide a great service to society. But you know what? They also charge a crapload of money for this service. Most of them wouldn't be in the profession if it paid the same as a teacher (who also provide a valuable service to society).

Smart people don't take low-paying jobs.

Maybe you need to ditch Gretchen Mol for Famke.

Just kidding, good luck with the girlfriend. It will not be easy or fun, but I'm sure you can get her to eventually understand poker. My wife was extremely against me playing early on, but over time I have showed her I was a winning player in the long run, and that ended up being the strongest argument I could make. She was more in the "I'm afraid you're going to get addicted and lose all of our money" camp than anything about being productive to society.

The Dude · #4 11-25-2007, 04:54 AM

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It's definately a bad idea to consider marrying someone who doesn't "approve" of what you do. I think it's very arrogant when one person thinks that how another person makes a living needs to meet their own personal moral standards.

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wtf is wrong with you? There's nothing in the post indicating that she's arrogant or nasty or judgmental about it all. Shes not some random person that ran up to him and said "You're going to hell for playing poker." She's his girlfriend who is about to move in with him, and she said that she doesn't like that it adds nothing to society. People certainly have a right to choose their partners based on whether their values and interests line up.

You're the one that ignorantly jumped into a situation and condemned someone based solely on your own dumb assumptions.

that_pope · #5 11-25-2007, 05:05 AM

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It's definately a bad idea to consider marrying someone who doesn't "approve" of what you do. I think it's very arrogant when one person thinks that how another person makes a living needs to meet their own personal moral standards.

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wtf is wrong with you? There's nothing in the post indicating that she's arrogant or nasty or judgmental about it all. Shes not some random person that ran up to him and said "You're going to hell for playing poker." She's his girlfriend who is about to move in with him, and she said that she doesn't like that it adds nothing to society. People certainly have a right to choose their partners based on whether their values and interests line up.

You're the one that ignorantly jumped into a situation and condemned someone based solely on your own dumb assumptions.

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Thanks for 'sticking up for me' on that argument, but you were pretty judgemental in an earlier post. You are claiming that I am lying to her for 2 years +. While I don't give a dollar amount, she knows I won a 14k+ tourney online among other things, and stating a $200 win or loss for a session isn't a huge stretch for 8/16, which I was playing up until June 1st. June 1st I started 20/40 full time, and she went to Argentina for the semester August 15th, and gets back December 15th, so I haven't really been lying, just not announcing my session to session results, since I talk to her once a day.

My original plan was to wait until after New Years to tell her, but based on everyones advice, I think I may tell her during the week of the 17th, probably 17-19th so it doesn't get exposed to her by someone saying "Pope won $3000+ last night or Pope lost $3000+ last night" which would obviously make matters 10x worse...

The Dude · #6 11-25-2007, 05:17 AM

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You are claiming that I am lying to her for 2 years +. While I don't give a dollar amount, she knows I won a 14k+ tourney online among other things, and stating a $200 win or loss for a session isn't a huge stretch for 8/16, which I was playing up until June 1st. June 1st I started 20/40 full time, and she went to Argentina for the semester August 15th, and gets back December 15th, so I haven't really been lying, just not announcing my session to session results, since I talk to her once a day.

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Look, I've been down the road of "I'm not really lying, I'm just exaggerating (or understating)" many times. Same with the "I'll start being completely honest when circumstances are right" road. You know where they lead? To bigger exaggerations, and, eventually, blatant lies. Plus then when you do come clean you have to explain why you didn't trust the other person enough to just be honest from the beginning.

Whether you consider it lying isn't really the issue. She's going to feel lied to, and based on what you've told us she's justified in that feeling. Would you want your partner to systematically mislead you about something in her everyday life because she thinks you wouldn't understand?

Cactus Jack · #7 11-25-2007, 10:06 AM

You bet she's going to feel lied to. Sadly, Pope wouldn't have had to lie to her if she understood or even was indifferent to his playing. It's going to come down to whether she can accept what he does, or he stops doing what he does. Not a good situation for either, I'm afraid.

It's not the money. It's the poker.