Standard Parent Question

[daveT]

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I havent thought as deeply on the subject as Dave.

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Bad parenting has had a profound effect on everything in my life. I don't blame them for everything, obv, but there are things.

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I just know that before I can take care of another person, I need to be able to take care of myself. Im a very destructive person and have many personal and chemical demons.

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I think reading Blarg's post can give you a glimpse of what you would expect to happen to your child if you had one now.

I do believe that all people mature at their own pace, and that should be the driving focus of the decisions you make. It is good that you can admit your own short-comings, and taking care of those would be a good first step before you consider having a child. I think also, at a younger age, biologically, your desire to have children does not exist. I remember when I was 22 and someone told me, at 27, that his dream was to open a restaurant and raise a family. I was sort of taken aback. To me, all that was important was getting to the next city and finding a new adventure. He was already through that mess. He told me that, for him, there was nothing more to look forward to. Not in a depressing way, just in a way that said "it's okay." He told me that at my age, kids was an appalling thought, but as he got older, the desire grew in him.


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I am trying to get better and clean myself up, but its going to take time. Its also dumb to say, but I feel that my kid would turn out like me and take some of the stupid paths I have taken. That very thought which may seem trivial to a lot of people really affects me.

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It is not dumb to say. The apple does not fall far from the tree has tons of truth.

It is not a myth that a child to alcoholic and drug using parents will be more likely to use them themselves, especially from the mother. I think that the only thing that saved me from drug addiction and alcoholism was my mom's drug abuse. I have an unusually high tolerance to drugs and alcohol.

And following the theme of this thread, please take your time. Seasons change, not because you want them to, but because they have to. It may seem like it is all up to you, but your mind will only grow so fast.