Standard Parent Question

[Conspire]

A couple days ago I was having a conversation with my parents and my mother brought up the issue of having kids. I have never really discussed this and I told her that I dont see myself having kids ever. She gave me this look of disappointment as if I had done something wrong. I told her, that I dont want to be held down and it is not a responsibility that I am interested in or want to take on at any point in my life. She then brings up the angle of what if your wife, not girlfriend, but wife doesnt feel the same? Of course I tell her that it would not be her decision alone I have a voice and if she wants a kid its not gonna happen.

My mother just like everyones mother wants their kids to be happy, live a good life, ya know all that fun happy stuff. I dont have a huge religious background, I was never forced to go to church and always had the option to make my own decisions in my life.

At this point in my life I just dont see myself having kids of my own in the future, but I feel like they want me to go against my feelings and atleast think about it. I cant predict how I will feel about the subject in 2,5, or 10 years. What is it with parents and why they are always so obsessed with having grandchildren?

[tarheeljks]

i had a similar scenario except i told my mom that i was unsure whether i would ever get married. she gave me the same look of disappointment you mentioned and then started sharing her sentiments about having grandchildren, etc.

my mom wanting me to get married makes more sense, but i have no idea why parents care about their children having offspring. maybe it's b/c they believe it will make us more appreciative of the sacrifices they made as a parents.

[Kimbell175113]

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maybe it's b/c they believe it will make us more appreciative of the sacrifices they made as a parents.

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Meh, it's not like they thought it through and made a decision to want grandchildren for any logical reason, it's just what their genes are telling them.

[tarheeljks]

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maybe it's b/c they believe it will make us more appreciative of the sacrifices they made as a parents.

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Meh, it's not like they thought it through and made a decision to want grandchildren for any logical reason, it's just what their genes are telling them.

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yeah, you're probably right. so it is what it is, then?

[Conspire]

I also took into account of after me dying who do I leave any money/possessions to? Its not like I need to have kids, I could donate all my money/possessions to a charity and help out a lot of people.

Maybe im just being too self centered and not thinking about other people in my life at the moment.

[daveT]

If you are under 30, you shouldn't be having kids.

I think that for several people, they go through changes. If you force yourself to try to have a wife at 25 or whatever, you will be a statistic like the other 75% of unsuccessful marriages, and you don't want that for kids. I think that these days, we are maturing in more ways, and nature seems to know that, and it does not allow us to mature to child-wanting until we are ready. Unfortunately, many people feel rushed into parenthood, and that does not turn out good.

[Blarg]

Being older has a lot of benefits, but just being around younger people livens older people up. It gives them a lot of energy and reminds them of how much of that optimism and bounce might still lurk inside them. It's invigorating. If I wanted to die quick as an old person, the first thing I would do is surround myself with other old people. If I wanted to stay vigorous and optimistic, the first thing I would do is surround myself with kids. It would just feel better.

To the OP, I think your folks also feel that their own story is getting chopped off before finishing, when you don't help finish it for them. It's natural to think one's story goes on, and hopeful. Having it cut off doesn't give that sense of roundness, of a fully-developed life and complete story. It's bound to be disappointing, even if it's not surprising in the least.

Imagine how many parents of gay kids go through this. A lot of the disappointment they may feel probably has nothing to do with their kids sexual orientation; it just means that unless something a bit odd and still fairly unlikely is done, the story of those parents, and that bloodline with all its parents before it, comes to a quick stop right there. They're one star in the heavenly firmament that just blinked out.

[entertainme]

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What is it with parents and why they are always so obsessed with having grandchildren?

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It has something to do with continuing the family into the following generations. They probably also feel that you'll miss out on one the most rewarding experiences in life. Also, they know from their friends that having grandkids to spoil is major fun, almost part of their reward for raising you. Believe me, they get absolutely giddy when those little ones come along.

[odellthurman]

For a lot of people, having kids is wonderful, and it's very difficult to explain to young persons, which make up the vast majority of people on this forum. For many, the time with their children was a great time in their life, and it is natural that they would want to recapture that experience to some extent through their grandchildren.

Or an alternate explanation is that they just want to control your lives and impose their own value system on you. It's natural for your parents to want you to do many of the same things that they did, which would include having children. That sort of feeling is what keeps sites like this going. Despite protestations to the contrary, we all feel that we know best when it comes to religious beliefs, politics, girls, having or not having kids, whatever, so we try to convince each other that we are right.

[Stagger_Lee]

Depending on how old you are you could both be taking this conversation way too seriously.

There is a chance that you really have no idea what will happen, despite trying to rationalise your current position and behaviour.