Variance: ER Trip Report

[ConspirEDD]

Cliffs Notes @ the end:

After a few week break from BBV4L, and life in general, I drank a half gallon of scotch whiskey. I puked in the upstairs bathroom, then pulled my head up from the toilet to see my mother standing in the bathroom doorway. From what I can recollect, we spent half an hour in the hallway listening to Alan Watts, as I preached the benefits of meditation. Then I decided I needed a cigarette, so I walked outside, and didn’t stop.

Apparently, after I left the subdivision, I walked ¾ mile down the highway to a gas station. Police trip reports and BP security cameras apparently show me taking a 32 oz. Gatorade and walking back down the street.

Next thing I know, I’m laying in a hospital bed, surrounded by 7 people cutting off my clothes with scissors. I was still semi-unconscious as they dug their knuckles into my ribs and rubbed smelling salts under my nose. I could see how the knuckles in the ribs thing would hurt if you were fully conscious, but the smelling salts didn’t seem much stronger than table salts.

Nurses: What is your name?
Anti-hero: Timothy Leary
Nurses: (Who is that? Oh, he’s the drug guy.) Were you dosing tonight Mr. Leary?
Anti-hero: No mah, I ain’t drinkin’.
Nurses: What is your name?
Anti-hero: William Wallace

I guess that’s a good way to get a catheter crammed into your penis hole. It’s not a nice time. As my pepe is being turned into a reverse kid-shitter…

Nurses: What’s your name?
Anti-hero: Richard Alpert
Nursers: (who’s that?) Ok, well, I guess he’s not going to mind this…
Anti-hero: FRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDOMMMMMMM!!!!!!


Brag: Free Gatorade from BP
Beat: Giant tube in small penis hole
Variance: NFL Network on TV gave me the full Sunday preview

[Dakotasdad]

Fail

[Limesparks]

[ConspirEDD]

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Fail

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@ life???

[99killed]

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Apparently, after I left the subdivision

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what?

[ConspirEDD]

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Apparently, after I left the subdivision

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what?

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after white people separate their neighborhoods, they further divide them into sub-divisions. The Homewood-Flossmoor area goes back to the 1800's, with rich people living in Flossmoor, and the 'help' living in Homewood. I doubt the term sub-division is unique to this area.

[chromerims]

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Apparently, after I whipped it out

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what?

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fyp

[ConspirEDD]

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Apparently, after I tried to pull the catheter out

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what?

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fyp

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-EV

[Jago]

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small penis

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[ConspirEDD]

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small penis

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After the crammed in the catheter and couldn't get a drop of pee b/c i was so dehydrated, they decided it might work better with the bigger tube. I was semi-conscious after that. As the nurses walked out of the room, I moaned "WHY?" the black nurse took one look at pepe and said, "Yeah, that pretty much sucks."