BBV Anonymous Confessions

[adanthar]

Dear Playgirl Magazine...

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I had my first orgasm when I was doing pull ups from the diving board (i was half way in the pool). I was probably about 6. After a few pullups I would start to contract my stomach real hard and swing my pelvis forward a little bit and boom- orgasm. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was just some sort of muscular contraction or whatever. Well, it gets worse. I realized that if I went up to a countertop and helf myself up by my palms and sort of bend my elbows up and down slightly- I'd orgasm doing that, too. I still had no idea what I was doing. Like I said, I was 6. Fortuntately no one ever saw me doing it. I would hold my legs up and put my weight on my palms and grind against a countertop or a mattress or something like that. I did this probably 2x a day for a year. When I was in first and second grade I did this in the bathroom at school. One time a kid walked in on me and wondered what I was doing. When I was about 9 I realized what I was doing b/c I blew my first load. I think I probably orgasmed in front of a lot of people on that diving board when i doing pull ups from it's under carriage. I didn't actually jerk it until 4'th grade, when me and my friend and my mom were leaving Baskin Robbins (ice cream place) and I was walking slightly behind them and I went to throw my straw away in the trash can when I struck gold! A prono mag was in there! A good one, too. Like club- it was called gallery. I had never seen that stuff before, but like the crafty little kid I was i immediately yanked it out w/o saying a word at the speed of light and put it down my pants all in one motion w/o anyone seeing me. I think I jerked off to that magazine about 5x a day for a while.

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[Jiggymike]

I don't believe the Playgirl one. I'm not sure your body has the ability to orgasm at 6, even if you could get an erection. Whatever.

[I dunno]

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This would probably be funnier in the alternate universe where the old lady sprouts tentacles and comes after the OP

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When I was about 17, a buddy and I where driving home in my car. We came to an intersection that had a stop sign and a 1 way street that you could only turn left. The street was usually busy, with three lanes of traffic. This intersection was at the top of a hill so you had to watch carfully before making your left as cars could suddenly appear of the crest of the hill with out warning.
Anyways we pulled up to this interesection behind a gray haired lady driving a land yaught, to my suprise she was over at the right with her right hand turning light on. I looked at her eyes in her review mirror and saw she was looking back my way.
I decided I wanted to see her pull into on coming traffic for my entertainment, so thanks to some quick thinking, I pulled to the right behind her and put my right turn signal on too.
I then clicked it off as she started making her turn, heading the wrong way down the busy one way street.
Just as her nose was half way across the first lane a car came speeding over the hill, my buddy and I both had that reflex that makes you lift your knees towards your stomach when your about to see something horrifing. The car locked up its breaks and she lifted her hands in horror as it came to a screeching halt a few inches from her driver side door. More traffic came over the hill and stopped, horns where honking. I quietly made my left turn and laughed the entire way home.

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You're a sick [censored].

as played it's still funny [censored].

[Gobias Ind.]

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The answer to all those questions OOT asks itself daily

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When I was 23 (4 years ago) I went to the gym quite a bit. My lifting partner and I were pretty buff at that point and looked good (BEEFCAAAAAAKE!). We made fun of everyone else at the gym on a daily basis between ourselves and were horribly mean because we viewed them as inferior. One of the girls that came to the gym had terrible looking frizzy, curly hair, overweight by like 30 pounds, never talked to anyone, and was a rumored lesbian. She looked to be about 21 or 22. We made fun of her constantly. One day as I was leaving the gym I saw her in front of me walking to her car, she got into a brand new Range Rover as I walked to my old Honda. I suddenly saw the light. The next time I saw her at the gym I started talking to her and found out who her stepdad was through conversation. I found out that he bought and sold shopping malls and owned a very well known company in my city. I asked another person at the gym if he knew who she was and he laughed and mentioned how ugly she was and I laughed along with him. Then he told me her family was probably worth in excess of $100 million. I stopped laughing. I grew up poor (750 sq. ft house for 5 kids and parents) and I didn't want to be poor anymore. I launched an all out romantic attack on her, we started going out, she still may have been a lesbain but I didn't care, we eventually moved in together, I still couldn't look at her without cringing, and 2 years later we got married. This woman is now my wife.

Beat: I probably married a lesbian
Brag: Her parents bought us a $600,000 house in a country club subdivision that he owns for our wedding present and I work for her dad managing part of his real estate portfolio. I'm on salary at $240,000 a year. Her trust fund pays her $8800/month until she's 30 and she will receive a $10 million lump sum on her 30th birthday. He's 73 now and not doing well, the inheritance will be sick since he didn't have any kids on his own due to completely immersing himself in his business his entire life. I love the money, my wife can't cook and she's ugly, but I'm rich.
Variance: I married someone that I hate and can't look.

My advice to anyone thinking of doing the same thing, swallow your pride and marry the first time for money and the second time for love.

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Winner!

BTW - This thread is so amazing. I want to stop reading b/c im tired and on sudafed, but i cant!

[adanthar]

I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter

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i want to die.

every day i swim in the cesspool that is my thoughts, filled with the blood of death, murder, and suicide. many years have been spent reading, studying, looking at the reasons behind those acts, studying the methods of murder and how to store the body away without evidence, studying the most effective ways of suicide, all of it. it infests me in the search of enlightenment, to find my sense of self and self worth. who do i play poker? i enjoy seeing others suffer. it is just inside me, and the only pleasure i receive within this life. ive had a severe depression since age 10, but i refuse to take pills. what good am i if i have to depend on artificial pills? i have the inability to be able to actually pull the trigger on myself, so i jut wait for the day where someone comes to kill me. there is no hope, no happiness, no hope for freedom out there, and a high hope for failure. in the end, we all die and who am i to prolong it

you know how ive studied murder methods and how to scape the body? dont try to trace me or you find out what ive learned

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[adanthar]

Nobody else use this thing, because you can't copy/paste from here

http://www.willselfdestruct.com/secure/pxivv449

[vhawk01]

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When I was younger me and a few of my friends went on a skiing holiday which turned out to be more interesting than we had imagined. In the hotel we were staying in we met a group of girls who were obviously up for it.
So on the third night after a few too many drinks my friend goes back to one of the girls bedrooms and she passes out, my friend is pissed off and very drunk so he does a [censored] and smears it where she is sleeping to make it look she has crapped the bed.

the next morning he tells everyone she crapped herself, she was so embarrassed she didn't leave her room for the rest of the holiday.

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Yeah, heard this one about thirty times, all with slight variations. Guess yer the guy it really happened to, huh?

[TIEdup14]

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"oh i came what a beautiful thing"

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[Rick305]

great thread