BBV Anonymous Confessions

[gumpzilla]

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This would probably be funnier in the alternate universe where the old lady sprouts tentacles and comes after the OP

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When I was about 17, a buddy and I where driving home in my car. We came to an intersection that had a stop sign and a 1 way street that you could only turn left. The street was usually busy, with three lanes of traffic. This intersection was at the top of a hill so you had to watch carfully before making your left as cars could suddenly appear of the crest of the hill with out warning.
Anyways we pulled up to this interesection behind a gray haired lady driving a land yaught, to my suprise she was over at the right with her right hand turning light on. I looked at her eyes in her review mirror and saw she was looking back my way.
I decided I wanted to see her pull into on coming traffic for my entertainment, so thanks to some quick thinking, I pulled to the right behind her and put my right turn signal on too.
I then clicked it off as she started making her turn, heading the wrong way down the busy one way street.
Just as her nose was half way across the first lane a car came speeding over the hill, my buddy and I both had that reflex that makes you lift your knees towards your stomach when your about to see something horrifing. The car locked up its breaks and she lifted her hands in horror as it came to a screeching halt a few inches from her driver side door. More traffic came over the hill and stopped, horns where honking. I quietly made my left turn and laughed the entire way home.

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I have a logical problem with this story. If she was turning right -- onto a one-way street where traffic was only going left, then traffic was coming from the right-hand side -- which, in the United States, is the passenger-side door. Not the driver's side, as indicated in the confession. There's no way the other car could have come to a "screeching halt a few inches from her driver side door" unless he was going the wrong way too.

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BBV should start writing Encyclopedia Brown stories.

[MusashiStyle]

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Now mind you I've been known to go harpooning once or a dozen times myself...

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lol... "once or a dozen"

[Sliders1Fan]

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this is forum drama, but it's hilarious and probably fake so who cares

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Adanthar,

I am gay and out of the closet in the real world, but not on here. I don’t think I would be treated well if I came out on here that's why I don't. Anyway, I have a big crush on Slider. Could you post an anonymous love note from me to Slider? K thx.

Slider,

You are so totally hot. I have such a huge crush on you. You are way the hottest guy on 2p2. Ever since you posted the pics from your cruise last year I have been dreaming about what you look like naked. I'm sure you have the cutest bubble butt. I would soooo love to give you a blow job. It would be so much better than any girl u ever had. I have mad skills. I would deep throat you and suck on your balls and swallow your cum. I don’t care if you don’t have a big dick, I am not a size queen. I would so let you [censored] me. I haven’t been [censored] in like 5 years so I would be super tight. Please [censored] my ass yo.

Love,

Slider’s #1 Fan.

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This is not fake Adanthar. I have a huge crush on Slider. He is every gay boi's dream.

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Slider's #1 Fan.

[Zagga]

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I was kinda hoping for death by fire, but that'll have to do

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I used to date a girl who was molested by an older memeber of her family when she was very young. Nobody in her family knew, and she wanted it to remain that way. One day she asks me to go to a family function and i agree. She adds "He will be there. are you gonna be ok with that?" She told me that he was old and basically functionless at this point in time. He was confined to a wheelchair and could barely talk. I told her i could handle it.

It was a picnic type deal in the park across the street from the house. 15-20 of her family members were there, all having a good time. It was sunny and hot and a nice day to be outside. Everything was progressing fine until i volunteer to go back to the house to grab a photo album and another case of soda. So i go back and when i get there the guy is just sitting by himself in front of the TV.

I walked past him and over to the kitchen table to grab the photo album that we were looking at earlier. I had planned to ignore him as i did before, but when i actually got there reality hit. I said something casual, knowing damn well he wasn't going to respond, but hoping he would. He just sat there. My temper flared. I put his little monitor thing face down on a blanket and wheeled him back into the bedroom. I began verbally assaulting him telling him what i thought of him and how he was going to rot in hell for what he did. I picked up a newspaper off the nightstand and started beating him over the head with it. He could not defend himself and was just grumbling. I hit him over the head about 15 or 20 times.

I put the paper back down and started pushing him back out to the living room. My girlfriend walked in the front door and saw me wheeling him out from the hall. She immediately froze. So did i. We stared blankly at each other for a few seconds in total silence. She knew what happened. I put him back in front of the tv and fixed the monitor. I brought the pictures and soda back out to the party and told the family that she wasn't feeling well and that we were leaving. Our entire car ride home was silent. We never spoke a word about that day, ever.

Also, a big [censored] YOU to all you inconsiderates who make rape and molestation jokes. This stuff destroys people's lives. Be lucky you're not one of them.

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To the one who posted this: You did the right thing, although he woud have deserved far, far, far worse, doing that would only have taken you away from your G/F (to jail) witch would only have been tough for your g/f.

[AJFenix]

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I was pretty cruel to animals for a while when I got back to the states as the kids there were pretty brutal to the stray animals, but thankfully that faded away fast, and I'd say I'm as good as they get towards pets. I wouldn't even mind working at a shelter. I'm just amazed at the kind of behavior I was capable of shortly after getting out of that jungle. Thats what poverty can do to people,....

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This is disgusting. I honestly don't understand how people like you exist.

Writing it off as something like "poverty = boredom = hurting animals" really shows how much responsibility you've taken for your behaviour. That's messed up.

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What? Do you lack reading comprehension? I probably care more about animals than anyone. Kids were simply cruel/heartless over there towards stray animals. It wasn't like I would personally go out of my way to do anything to any animals, I was simply pretty cold and uncaring. If I wasn't I'd get eaten alive. If you don't think it has anything to do with people living in poverty in a grimy ass environment you're pretty dumb. I don't expect any suburban people or people from good backgrounds/upbringing in general acting in that fashion. When I got to the states, I simply didn't care. My father had just passed way, I was back in the states with my mother who I hadn't seen in years, and I wasn't in a very good frame of mind. There was quite a bit of stuff to deal with for a kid my age. There were some cats and dogs at the house I was now living in, and it took me a little while to get acclimated, and to get in a normal frame of mind in general. I was just a dumb kid trying to cope with all that. I have also grown up and matured since. Wtf? It honestly annoys me that you'd even think of me like that just because of my outlook on animals. I've had so many cats/dogs/etc since then, and they honestly provide better company than some of their human counterparts.

[adanthar]

If this one's on Snopes, I'll be mighty displeased

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So I was at home with my wife when she got a phone call from her brother. He was a Captain in the Army, and had called to tell her that he was getting court martialed for downloading kiddie porn on an Army computer. Of course the first thing I think is, what a dumb [censored], is he that [censored] stupid?

Well Captain stupid swore my wife to secrecy, and she did the same for me, so I kept it to myself. He also told his wife, because his [censored] career was toast and he probably couldn't find a decent lie to explain why. After a few months, he gets a dishonorable discharge, but that lucky [censored] completely avoided any jail time.

Not long after, he gets a job with a private war contractor and gets on a plane to Iraq. Well, my wife and I are going through a divorce at the same time, so it's pretty testy between us, but really I was cool with it. [censored] didn't work out you know? Anyway, she's at our house off and on getting her [censored], signing paperwork, and generally doing the [censored] you do when your marriage is over. So one day she shows up with her mom and dad (who had no idea what their son had done) and they're all wrecks. Dad is all stoic, mom is weepy and ex-wife is red-eyed. Turns out Captain stupid's hotel in Saudi had been suicide bombed and he was one on the casualties. Now this is a shock, but truth be told, I was over that family by this point so I was pretty muted with my response.

"Damn, that's [censored]" was about what I came up with.

Well mom ( who I never relly cared for) decides it's time to unload all her [censored] on me. She proceeds to curse me, berate me, tell me what a loser I was, how much she knew it would never work, etc. Dad is just nodding in agreement. Well, as you can guess, I have the [censored] A-bomb and ex-inlaw is completely oblivious.

"At least I didn't get kicked out of the Army for being a pedophile."

Now, ex-wife, had she been quick enough, could have salvaged it, but mom and dad had their doubts about their son's concocted story from the start, and those doubts, coupled with the ex's expression, pretty much sealed it.

"Now get the [censored] out of my house" That kind of satisfaction, you can't buy it, you have to earn it.

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[furyshade]

i really don't know who i feel bad for in ^^^ story, but both sides seem to deserve what they got, 9.5/10, only way it could have been better would be if he bitchslapped the mother-in-law

[schwah]

wow, this thread started out being mostly sad and depressing but some of the recent ones are hilarious

[acelah]

When I was younger me and a few of my friends went on a skiing holiday which turned out to be more interesting than we had imagined. In the hotel we were staying in we met a group of girls who were obviously up for it.
So on the third night after a few too many drinks my friend goes back to one of the girls bedrooms and she passes out, my friend is pissed off and very drunk so he does a [censored] and smears it where she is sleeping to make it look she has crapped the bed.

the next morning he tells everyone she crapped herself, she was so embarrassed she didn't leave her room for the rest of the holiday.

[adanthar]

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i really don't know who i feel bad for in ^^^ story, but both sides seem to deserve what they got, 9.5/10, only way it could have been better would be if he bitchslapped the mother-in-law

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fun fact: OP from last post has provided some corroborating evidence of this being a real story