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  #1  
Old 11-20-2007, 09:36 PM
Syberduh Syberduh is offline
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Posts: 166
Default Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

For DBZ and those who care a whit
I'll speak the reasons I am not a nit.
To recap my distaste for Tom Stoppard:
It's not so much that his text is real hard.
You see, Bill Shakespere is often quite tough
But rarely does he waste my mental stuff.
To parse his meaning from anachronism
Can often lead to sturm and drang.
But if his use of language can be sick
His words, when understood, cut to the quick.
With fancy turns of phrase, Tom Obfuscates
More subtle points than he elucidates.
I think that I shall mark this speech as done.
I hope it was received in due good fun.
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  #2  
Old 11-20-2007, 09:43 PM
RivaLiva RivaLiva is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 536
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

I say shotgun
Because it is a lot of fun
to post in threads
before they are dead
Please don't troll
I'm on a roll
What is with OP
I'm the real OG
Is it absurd
I don't get a word?
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  #3  
Old 11-20-2007, 10:01 PM
Syberduh Syberduh is offline
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Posts: 166
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

Solid. B to B-. Meter needs a little work for A material.
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  #4  
Old 11-20-2007, 10:09 PM
tarheeljks tarheeljks is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: stone that the builder refused
Posts: 4,134
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

visual rhyme is good, but learn how to pronounce stoppard

jk believe in jesus
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  #5  
Old 11-20-2007, 10:12 PM
Syberduh Syberduh is offline
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Posts: 166
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

I'm invoking the dramatic license defense. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
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  #6  
Old 11-20-2007, 10:17 PM
divides_by_zero divides_by_zero is offline
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Location: Yes, I\'m a chick. Yes, I go to MIT.
Posts: 930
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

Wunderbar.
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  #7  
Old 11-20-2007, 10:35 PM
GeraldGiraffe GeraldGiraffe is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 136
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

Rhyme scheme too standard imo, but the Volte is nice. Could have done with a lacuna to make it more clear, obv.
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  #8  
Old 11-20-2007, 11:00 PM
I_AM_EVIL I_AM_EVIL is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Satan Claus
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Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

There once was a guy from Nantucket......
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  #9  
Old 11-21-2007, 12:35 AM
YBravo YBravo is offline
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Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 57
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

I'm a theatre nerd too, so I have to be picky here

5th line doesn't work-emphasis is on the "ften" part of often
8th line only has 4 feet-is this intentional?
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  #10  
Old 11-21-2007, 12:39 PM
Syberduh Syberduh is offline
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Posts: 166
Default Re: Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

Yes that is a deliberate break in both the meter and the rhyme scheme to emphasize the difficulty of parsing meaning and the impact of sturm and drang.

As for the other one, switch "often" and "is" for a more enjoyable experience.

Other flaws include the emphasis landing on the 2nd syllable of Stoppard in line 3

I also find it almost impossible to spit out "text is" in line 4 without altering the meter.

And of course the rhyme scheme is not exactly subtle.
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