Ask My Neighbor about being a Ninja.

[SpaceAce]

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I CALL COMPLETE AND TOTAL BS.

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Dude: Shut. Up.

Since the mods around here seem to be overwhelmed with a sense of their own power, anyway, I call for immediate bannings of anyone presenting evidence that this thread is a lie. That will satisfy both the mod's banlust and my desire to pretend we are really communicating with a ninja.

SpaceAce

[SNOWBALL]

More questions:

-Is Ashida Kim totally FOS?
-What % of ninjitsu academies are legit?
-What are the best 3 and worst 3 martial arts?
-Did Bruce Lee die of natural causes?
-Does he believe in chi or any other mystical stuff that is not recognized by the scientific community?
-What are relationships between ninjas like? Is there a lot of gossip and animosity? Do they even talk to eachother? Is there a ninja code of honor? Do ninjas ever kill eachother?
-Has he ever killed anyone for personal reasons or was it all just business?

[AntonHeat]

ahah I don't think this thread is real but... waitinf for updates [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[ChipWrecked]

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Me: What do you think of this girl?

Eddie: Nice, I like pole vaulters. Hang on, (He goes into his house and comes out a few minutes later with a copy of the Italian sports newspaper, lo gazzeto dello sport.) Look, her picture was in here yesterday. Same picture.

Me: Wow. I can't believe this. You know, it was because of forums like ours that this happened.

Eddie: Yeah, you can all be really proud of yourselves.


[/ QUOTE ]

I laughed so [censored] hard at this. Eddie is my hero.

[adsman]

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Anacardo's job opportunities have suddenly risen drastically.

Ray

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none of cardo's threads are, or have been, on the front page for a while. This is especially true for an 'Anonymous' user who is only seeing 10 threads per page.

sorry, i love this thread, but...

I CALL COMPLETE AND TOTAL BS.

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If he sorted by views its first page. I'm just trying to keep the dream alive.

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Which is what he did. You guys have to remember that our conversations are a tad long to put down here in full, so I splice them up a bit, (yes, I record them). He told me that he spent most of the day on OOT and 2+2 generally, checking things out. It was a window into a new world and he said he found it fascinating.

Also, you must realise that people who publicly doubt Eddie will become known to him as he now reads this. Think about that one.

Like I said yesterday, he's going away this weekend, so we won't have an update until Monday at the earliest.

[splashpot]

[ QUOTE ]
Like I said yesterday, he's going away this weekend, so we won't have an update until Monday at the earliest. BUT, since he's going away I'm going to sneak up to his house and take some photos from a short distance.

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You aren't afraid of ninja booby traps?

[rageotones]

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Also, you must realise that people who publicly doubt Eddie will become known to him as he now reads this. Think about that one.

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BUT, since he's going away I'm going to sneak up to his house and take some photos from a short distance.

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hmmmm

[adsman]

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Also, you must realise that people who publicly doubt Eddie will become known to him as he now reads this. Think about that one.

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hmmmm

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Oh feck. Feck. Quick, edit your quote and I'll edit mine.

[gwhiz_612]

[ QUOTE ]
Eddie was in his garden weeding his beans.

Eddie: Is that San Miguel?

Me: Yeah, I got you a couple of six packs.

Eddie: Great. Italian beer is revolting. There might be hope for you. What do you think of my beans?

Me: They're nice, I suppose. What are you holding them up with? Spears?

Eddie: No, just regular old poles. You got some more questions from these OOT people. I checked out that site, you know.

Me: You did? You've got internet access?

Eddie: Sure, why not? What do you think I am, some bumbling hobo? I didn't know it was a poker site. Do you play poker?

Me: Yeah. So are you the Eddietheninja gimmick account?

Eddie: No.

Me: What did you think of OOT?

Eddie: Well, I discovered Jessica Alba, so that was good. Not sure that I care much about a horse giving birth, but whatever.

Me: It's been a bit rough lately. I've got a question of my own. Would you be willing to take me on as a ninja student?

Eddie: Well, you'd have to change a few things about yourself.

Me: Like what?

Eddie: Well, your DNA for one thing.

Me: I'm not ninja material?

Eddie: Not even close.

Me: So what is ninja material?

Eddie: Not you, and not any of the people in OOT. Except maybe the one with a lot of problems, I wrote his name down here somewhere. Yeah, Anacardo. He sounds like he might be ninja material. But probably not.

Me: Well, that's a bit disapointing. Have you ever performed any hits for the mafia, Sicilians, those sort of people?

Eddie: No.

Me: Do you work in a team or solo?

Eddie: Solo.

Me: What's the best way for somebody to become a ninja?

Eddie: You just have to be in the right place at the right time. Honestly, today it has all been driven very far underground. It's not like it used to be. The post war period in Japan was very chaotic. I was lucky to have been born in that time period.

Me: How many years of training does it take to become a good ninja?

Eddie: 18 years. One for each discipline.

Me: How much does it cost to hire a ninja?

Eddie: Depends what you pay us in. I like gold bars.

Me: Gold bars then? How much?

Eddie: More than you'll ever have.

Me: Could ninjas break into....?

Eddie: (Interrupting me), Yes.

Me: Want to tell us how? No? OK, Care to share any stories about your most interesting jobs?

Eddie: No, that would not be appropriate.

Me: Can you tell us one thing that only a ninja would know to prove that you are in fact a ninja?

Eddie: (laughs). That's pretty funny considering that you wouldn't know if it was pertinant or not. However, let me throw this tidbit out for you all. The Kennedy family curse? That's no curse. Ninjas. Joseph really made a mistake in there somewhere.

Me: Cool. What was it like when you killed your first person?

Eddie: Messy, really messy. By the way, I've got the answer for the how many 5 year olds question. 263.

Me: How did you get that number?

Eddie. I couldn't possibly explain, but it was very interesting, you know why? Kids don't have fear the way adults do. They also aren't as aware of their own mortality. Very interesting.

Me: And if it was 50 year olds instead of five year olds?

Eddie, Oh, much, much more. No problem.

Me: Who actually employs ninjas?

Eddie: Very desperate people. There is a price to pay in the end for all of us.

Me: OK ..... that was cryptic. Ever used, "I'm a ninja" pick up line?

Eddie: No. I'm married anyway.

Me: Really. Is your wife here?

Eddie: No, she's away. I married when I retired, or perhaps it would be more correct to say that I retired when I married.

Me: Anything you regret not doing?

Eddie: I had a chance to meet Miles Davis once but I was unable to in the end. I regret that.

Me: How do you explain your ninja suit to the drycleaner?

Eddie: I wash it myself.

Me: How old were you when you got your first kill?

Eddie: I was in my thirties. Training takes a long time you know.

Me: What do you think of this girl?

Eddie: Nice, I like pole vaulters. Hang on, (He goes into his house and comes out a few minutes later with a copy of the Italian sports newspaper, lo gazzeto dello sport.) Look, her picture was in here yesterday. Same picture.

Me: Wow. I can't believe this. You know, it was because of forums like ours that this happened.

Eddie: Yeah, you can all be really proud of yourselves.

Me: Um, OK. I think that's about it. There were some more but I might leave those out.

Eddie: No, no. Ask away.

Me: Did you ever consider becoming a professional hide and seek player?

Eddie: Actually, you know what, I'm going to trust your judgement on this one. That's enough questions. I'm going away for the weekend. And by the way, you still haven't paid last months rent.

Me: You're my landlord?

Eddie: You're not quick, are you? My sisters house? I hope you're keeping it clean.

Me: Yeah, very clean.

Eddie: I'll bet.

[/ QUOTE ] Greatest post ever and its not even close.

[theRealMacoy]

adsman,

absolute gold!

when i was 12 my buddies and i rocked our homemade numchucks and stars between viewings of 'enter the ninja'. i was such a master that once, i even managed to knock myself out cold with the chucks.

an opportunity like this come along once in a lifetime so here are a couple more questions:

- what was his worst ninja-related (read:job-related) injury?

- who was his greatest adversary? what made them so strong/challenging? how did he defeat them?

- looking back, what would he say was his weakness/strength during his career?

- is there a "ninja-diet"? does he have any dietary/herbal potion-type suggestions?

- what was the longest it took to complete an assasination/mission? (i assume some targets must have been extremely difficult, even for a ninja, to get close enough to enact the hari kari)

- did his wife know his past profession? h

- did/does he fear being tracked down by a past rival/enemy/client? how has he avoided this over the years?

- does he have any advice for us when dealing with our own enemies/rivals?

can't wait for the next transcript.

cheers,
sean


ps. wandering up your mountain do you feel a little like luke going to visit yoda?