"catch and release" flirting

[gumpzilla]

There's a girl I know who is dating an acquaintance of mine. She is among the most attractive women I've known. (Sorry, no pics will be forthcoming. If you want a mental image, in my opinion she looks quite a bit like Maria Ozawa of the OOT Japanese porn star thread fame, but slightly less busty.) We tend to have a dynamic at this point of getting pretty flirty at parties after a couple of drinks. Some of this is in the eyes of the observer, obviously, but I seem to end up the target of these games a lot more than other people.

Now, she's dating a guy and is moving in a few weeks, and I'm engaged, so nothing will happen. And I don't want anything to happen, but, there's definitely a substantial part of me that wants to believe that in a parallel universe where my fiancee did not exist, I could get with this woman. Because, to reiterate, she is hot, hot, hot, and the whole thing seems like some kind of vindication of my inner stud busting through seven layers of nerdishness. While there's some decent evidence to suggest this is the case, in some sense I would like to know The Truth. However, trying to figure that out seems near impossible, as I think people are suspicious of the idea of "If I wasn't involved, I'd like to do you," typically parsing it more as "I'd like to do you."

I was conveying this to my roommate at some point, and his response was "Catch and release!" That pretty much captures exactly what I had in mind with this whole thing. He then went on to say, "I think the world would be a better place if there were some socially recognized way of expressing that type of attraction. Like if you could boil the whole thing down to a single verb that would encapsulate it." What do you guys think?

[SpaceAce]

Read your own post and think about it. This will turn into "catch and [censored]" if you pursue it.

SpaceAce

[guids]

I call it honing my skillzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]
Read your own post and think about it. This will turn into "catch and [censored]" if you pursue it.

[/ QUOTE ]

There's a slim chance it could, but this sort of attitude is basically what I'm complaining about.

[traz]

polygamy

[tpir]

[ QUOTE ]
"I think the world would be a better place if there were some socially recognized way of expressing that type of attraction. Like if you could boil the whole thing down to a single verb that would encapsulate it."

[/ QUOTE ]
Lust?

[4_2_it]

As a guy who has been married for many years, it's a nice ego boost when a pretty girl (preferably in her 20's) flirts with you. Flirting is a normal human action and is fine as long as you do not have any intention of crossing any relationship boundaries. Seeking validation is lame. Just recognize that a beautiful girl can flirt with nearly anyone she wants and if she chooses you, then she likely finds something about you attractive.

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]
As a guy who has been married for many years, it's a nice ego boost when a pretty girl (preferably in her 20's) flirts with you. Flirting is a normal human action and is fine as long as you do not have any intention of crossing any relationship boundaries. Seeking validation is lame. Just recognize that a beautiful girl can flirt with nearly anyone she wants and if she chooses you, then she likely finds something about you attractive.

[/ QUOTE ]

This all seems very right to me. In particular, I think the bolded part is quite true. I don't think until fairly recently I realized that that was part of what was going on in my head. Lately I've been a little depressive and self-doubting and I think that that is contributing to things.

Thanks for the post.

[Los Feliz Slim]

gump,

The fact that nothing could come of it makes it safer for her, and you, to engage in this type of flirting. Take it for what it is, and nothing more.

[JJJP]

This is actually how I came to know my present girlfriend. She and I were both in serious relationships and we enjoyed flirting with each other. I'd often tell her I was going to take her out on extravagant dates without ever intending to actually do so.

Then a year or two later we were both single and we ended up hooking up.

I think there is no harm in flirting as long as you keep within your own, and her boundaries.

I wouldn't worry too much about finding out the exact nature of her interest... why ruin the fun. Flirting is fun because of the undiscovered. Leave some things to the imagination.