Do you bother getting to know new people?

[john kane]

I started work on monday. the people are nice enough. but i really cant be bothered to do the following:

when in a group (say 5-6 people) i just cant be bothered to say much becuase
a) i find the general chat people dull even though some people smile and laugh (i find it pretty fake tbh) at what others say.
b) i dont really want to make any effort whatsoever.

i guess i just dont care what these people think of me, i mean if im stuck with 1-2 of them then ill make some normal conversation, but when it's a big group i just find people are all thinking and waiting to say something to be noticed rather than really listening to what anyone has to say (which is why i bother with 1-2 people becuase in general it's far better).

now for me i really enjoy it down the pub when there is 5-6 of you or so and your all having a good time, but i find i just can't be bothered now to get to know these people.

part of me thinks 'well, i should try and make the best out of work and i should enjoy work more if i can have a laugh with work colleagues' but the other part thinks 'i really cant be bothered to get to know these people becuase it'll mean i end out spending a lot of time getting shitfaced after work etc' and given the little time i have, i want to spend that with friends, family or relaxing by myself, not having to get to know a whole new bunch of people.

for example lunch today:

we have an hour sitting around eating. i'd much rather go off to a cafe by myself and a newspaper but this week i have to eat with others. now the chat is pretty unstimulating, and im thinking this really is a waste of time. then i thought to myself '[censored] this, i really dont care if people think im some quiet loner guy, becuase i really dont want to make the effort' and then i went from thinking seriously of quitting my job to thinking 'meh, not so bad now'.


any thoughts on any on this or similar experiences appreciated.

[pologuy64]

IMO, not bothering to meet new people is ok if thats what you want to do. ON the other side of things. it will effect the way you progress up the company latter. Its all about who you know and who likes you. If you dont feel the need to progress or this isnt that type of job, then hell do ur job and go home.

[Jamougha]

I have a mild schizoid personality disorder, so no.

[JKratzer]

[ QUOTE ]
then i went from thinking seriously of quitting my job to thinking 'meh, not so bad now'.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is important, if you find being sociable with your coworkers to be dreadful don't do it. you don't have to make friends for the sake of making friends. you might have to be around these people a lot, keeping things civil and maybe the occasional gesture of friendship/whatever will make things go smoothly at your job. beyond that, [censored]'em.

also, don't quit your job.

[Henry17]

Is this unique to your new job or have you had similar issues at all your previous jobs?

[john kane]

thanks for the replies so far.

im working for a big 4 firm, so knowing the right people is an advantage. nevertheless i feel if im friendly and work hard when under supervision from a manager then ill be okay. plus i can always leave after 3 years with my ACA if i don't want to stay.

jamougha, i think they shouldnt call it a disorder if it could be a positive.

jkratzer, this is my view i think, so long as im not a dick then i don't have to be as social as i can given i find it an unwanted effort. just there has been an emphasis a few times in the first week that they try to have a good social atmosphere with drinking. having spent 5 years very regularly drinking a lot, it's something i am keen to cut back on.

im trying hard not to quit the job, just reading the msnl [censored] thread it's hard knowing im on $20/hr and others out there are making $500/hr. i don't want to look back after 3 years and think '[censored] i could of made $1.5m-$2m by grinding really hard' and be pretty sorted, whereas instead ill be nowhere near that and had a likely worse time.

henry, this is my first job, it's a huge firm sizewise and we had numourous hundreds of graduates joining the london firm, of which you are then grouped into 20-30 depending on sector and job role.
i'd didnt have this issue at university, becuase i wanted to get to know people i could have a good time with, now i don't feel this, just feels odd given so many around me clearly are trying pretty hard to get to know everyone - just seems fake to me.

thanks for replies so far, any more much appreciated.

[Gene Paulson]

The getting to know people that others are in is a type of person and what thier plans for the future are. Gamblers are not normally accepted that is why Las Vegas in a remote area playing poker may be your thing or other activities along that line which a large firm mustly will not have much of. I think it is your personallity that you want to be thinking not being a face for the corp so make a plan to leave someday and do what you want even a job that you only have to fulfill assignments which you could do anytinme then play more.

[kyzerjose]

If they don't sign your pay check, fk 'em.

[Henry17]

I have the opposite issue to OP. I like to meet new people and I have no problem doing it. I just don't like them after a few weeks and would like them to go away or at least greatly reduce their rotation in my life.

My initial response would be ignore them. I don't understand why people feel the need to be anything more then professional with co-workers. That is my view of it. But I've only ever had one job. I was a lawyer for a short period of time. At least in that environment I think it would have hurt me professionally to not be social friends with co-workers. So you need to consider how much you care about your job as well.

[fringsrache]

[ QUOTE ]
If they don't sign your pay check, fk 'em.

[/ QUOTE ]