Infidelity

[slim]

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It also sounds like OP is sitting around waiting for her 'to see the light' and return home and is now trying to convince himself that she was disturbed and made these decisions at least partly unconsciously.

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I partially agree. I would bet any amount of money that she will someday see the light, but I don't know about waiting for her to return home. Her choice to cheat was conscious, but the inability to stop near impossible.

[RunDownHouse]

slim,

Heroin is addictive. Tobacco is addictive. Extra-marital sex is not in the sense that most of us have been having sex for years and still can go without extra-marital sex. Ride horse for years and then try to go a week without. I'm not sure why you're trying to absolve your wife of her actions by labeling her infidelity as something outside of her control.

Its understandable that you're really [censored] up right now. I think if you go back and read all of these posts in a year you'll just shake your head.

[It's Brandt]

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It also sounds like OP is sitting around waiting for her 'to see the light' and return home and is now trying to convince himself that she was disturbed and made these decisions at least partly unconsciously.

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Yeah, this is pretty much what I was thinking regarding all this addiction and "chemically altered brain" talk.

EDIT:

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Its understandable that you're really [censored] up right now. I think if you go back and read all of these posts in a year you'll just shake your head.

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QFT!

[slim]

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slim,

Heroin is addictive. Tobacco is addictive. Extra-marital sex is not in the sense that most of us have been having sex for years and still can go without extra-marital sex. Ride horse for years and then try to go a week without. I'm not sure why you're trying to absolve your wife of her actions by labeling her infidelity as something outside of her control.

Its understandable that you're really [censored] up right now. I think if you go back and read all of these posts in a year you'll just shake your head.

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It is not the sex that is addictive. It is the feeling of being loved and felt special by someone that is addictive. The sex doesn't hurt eaither.

Let me ask you guys this, when you are "in love" with a new girl, do you not behave in an irrational manner? You spend more money than you have to get her that special gift, you overlook flaws in her personality or physical appearance, you spend as much time as you can with her etc. A year later, do most people still do all that stuff to the same degree? Not usually....why? because the chemicals (endorphins,PEA, oxytocin) fade. I wish I was the one who came up with this stuff, but I'm not. Why am I grasping when I am merely gathering information that is out there?

[RunDownHouse]

slim,

You're using "addictive" in a really cavalier manner. Your wife never stabbed someone because she physically had to get her fix of dick. She is a [censored]. Or you're a neglectful husband. Or, more likely, somewhere in between.

It sounds like you're really trying to justify her behavior or validate yours by stretching things too far. For some reason, she needed attention from a source outside of the marriage. Everyone wants to be wanted, but to call that an addiction is pure [censored] that masks infidelity. Whether that reason is her own hangups or your shortcomings, it wasn't because of an endorphin addiction.

[B00T]

You are totally barking up the wrong tree here.

About 10% of the people here know what it's like to be married. Probably 50% never even had sex.

Go get professional help, or marriagebuliders.com or mywifecheated.com to discuss these rationalizations with others in an AA like atmosphere.

[It's Brandt]

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It is not the sex that is addictive. It is the feeling of being loved and felt special by someone that is addictive. The sex doesn't hurt eaither.

Let me ask you guys this, when you are "in love" with a new girl, do you not behave in an irrational manner? You spend more money than you have to get her that special gift, you overlook flaws in her personality or physical appearance, you spend as much time as you can with her etc. A year later, do most people still do all that stuff to the same degree? Not usually....why? because the chemicals (endorphins,PEA, oxytocin) fade. I wish I was the one who came up with this stuff, but I'm not. Why am I grasping when I am merely gathering information that is out there?

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I don't know...a lot of this stuff just seems to be LDO and also doesn't really seem all that helpful, especially to you and your current situation. "She cheated because she wanted to be loved and feel special"...no [censored]?

[maryfield48]

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Here's a lift: your wife cheated on you. She once loved you as fully as she thought possible, and still her love faded and was replaced by a longing for another man. She no longer thinks of you beyond her guilt over the pain she has caused. In the quiet times, her thoughts shift to your children and she feels pangs only for the story she must tell.

There is no guarantee that any woman will ever love you again, or that that love will lie secure in some new woman's breast when you are briefly parted. No heart is tenured to your own, and no service will secure it. If you nurture your anger you will die friendless and alone.

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bison, write more.

[Triumph36]

bison is destroying this thread - that's actually some excellent writing.

slim, your point is asinine. basically you are arguing from deterministic thinking (e.g. everything is rooted in our neurological makeup) to argue for punishment - how can the person be guilty if their biological makeup foretells their infidelity? 'addicts' are sick people - if I have an Internet addiction and my wife leaves me, should she prosecute me?

<font color="white">waits for slim's boss's gimmick to show up</font>

[It's Brandt]

RunDownHouse is really spot on here. Also, bison is amazing.