How to Convince Someone to Take School Seriously?

toss · #1 06-06-2007, 07:31 PM

Today I found out my little brother was failing all his classes in UCSB and subject to dismissal. The possibility was always in the back of my mind, but it made me sick to my stomach to hear it. He says he's lazy and dumb and he doesn't want to come home. (He hates it here) He's not failing because he's dumb. He's not failing because he hates it at UCSB. (He loves it there) He's failing because he's lazy and doesn't realize how important school is. He went off to college and experienced complete freedom for the first time and blew off all his classes. I know how he came to that point because I was in the exact same situation once. The worst part is that he signed a one-year lease with some of his college buddies. I asked him what he was going to do for money without financial aid. He said, "I don't know. I think I'll join the army." I think he might be serious. He's in a desperate situation here.

I don't know how I can make him take school seriously. I started taking school seriously after almost a year of d*cking around. I asked myself what I wanted in life and I realized how important school was. Everyone was always telling me how important how school was; my parents, my older brother, my friends, strangers, everyone! But, I didn't start taking school seriously until I told myself. That's why I feel so sick. How can I help my bro turn it around? I'm sure you've all know someone like this or have been in this spot before.

ThaHero · #2 06-06-2007, 07:52 PM

Honestly, your brother sounds just like me a few years ago. I basically said a lot of the same things. I didn't realize how important school was until recently. I was out of school for 3 years thinking I could make it in life without it, but when I saw jobs I wanted to apply for that made decent money they all required a degree or 4+ years experience. This started to open my eyes.

Then all my little cousins(whom I love dearly) graduated high school and started going off to college. I started telling them how imporant it was blah blah blah but started to feel hypocritical.

Later I got a job temping for a contracts and grants dept for the county. I liked reading the contracts and legal documents and said "F this, I'm going back to school." Law really interests me now, but I screwed up so bad in school I doubt I can even get into a decent law school.

School is so important for many reasons. The most important I think is that it keeps options open. A lof of times you'll be stuck doing something you hate, and can't attain something you might like because you didn't finish.

I also threatened to join the military, but ultimately I didn't really want to go. In retrospect I was really confused and had no goals or direction. I guess the point I'm saying is; and you being through it yourself; unless he gets goals of his own or has a light bulb go off that tells him to take school seriously, nothing will happen. You could talk until you're blue in the face and he may even give some half-hearted efforts, but in the end it will come down to him actually wanting to be there.

I know it's tough sitting by watching. I could only imagine how I would feel if one of my cousins took the same train of thought I had back then. I realoize now how my parents felt. But saying "Take it from me" doesn't carry all that much weight to him probably at this juncture.

I have no idea if this was helpful or not but hopefully it was.

toss · #3 06-06-2007, 10:08 PM

Thanks, this was very helpful. You know exactly what this is all about. It's really going to be sick just sitting here and watching. I really hope he doesn't do something stupid. If there was just a way I could get him thinking about his own future.

RyanUSF · #4 06-06-2007, 11:19 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know how I can make him take school seriously. I started taking school seriously after almost a year of d*cking around. I asked myself what I wanted in life and I realized how important school was. Everyone was always telling me how important how school was; my parents, my older brother, my friends, strangers, everyone! But, I didn't start taking school seriously until I told myself. That's why I feel so sick. How can I help my bro turn it around? I'm sure you've all know someone like this or have been in this spot before.

[/ QUOTE ]

It sounds like you already know the answer. Like you and the poster above, I took two years off of school to play poker and dick around, with the intent of going back to school eventually. I'm back in now, and I really appreciate the importance of finishing, even if the piece of paper is just an insurance policy if I decide to do something else. It's something I had to learn for myself though, it's not something someone else could tell me, I had to want it.

You can try and guide your brother to the best of your ability, but that's about as much as you can do. You can't physically force him to do his homework or attend class, he's gotta learn for himself. It's frustrating I know, but if he's a smart kid like you say he'll figure it out eventually as well [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

#5 06-07-2007, 12:16 AM

TIEdup14 · #6 06-07-2007, 04:21 AM

ThaHero you've made some fantastic posts in Student Life lately

catalyst · #7 06-07-2007, 04:34 AM

Ask him to look around and see what jobs he could acquire at this moment considering his background [literally have him find the best possible job given his background - he will realize his opportunities suck].

This might help, but I doubt it will - some people are just ignorant in youth.

You explaining how you were in the same situation recently hasn't affected him at all - I would think he could relate atleast on some level.

toss · #8 06-07-2007, 05:15 PM

Thanks everyone, it looks like my best course of action is to not take much action at all. Now that I've had some time to think, the chances of him joining the army is small (1%-2%). I also should mention that he said he might also just work at Radio Shack instead; I doubt it though. He doesn't have very good communication skills around strangers and he's just too shy. I think what will end up happening is that he'll get a job at a game store and hopefully he'll realize what a miserable life it is with no-college-degree jobs. Or he'll come home and eventually realize his need to go to school.

I wish there was a class in highschool that prepared you for college. Then again I know that isn't possible because the stuff my brother needs to know is something you can't really teach.

mikeczyz · #9 06-07-2007, 09:24 PM

i say let him drop out and learn from experience. for me, it was the best way to learn.

catalyst · #10 06-08-2007, 02:26 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I wish there was a class in highschool that prepared you for college. Then again I know that isn't possible because the stuff my brother needs to know is something you can't really teach.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is something best taught by parents. Not necessarily by lecturing their children, but by not coddling them and in turn making them work their ass off during high school between school, work, and sports. That is how I developed some type of work ethic and gained a broader scope of the importance of school and not being a lazy bum.

Of course - I know nothing about your own or your brother's upbringing or family - so this might not be applicable. I am far from being a psychologist; this is simply what helped me while growing up. It seemed "growing up" a bit during high school made the "freedom" of college much easier to handle. I noticed many of my more coddled/spoiled friends and cousins doing stupid [censored] their first couple years of college, while it seemed like a more natural transition for myself.

This is coming off rambly - I just thought I would share my .02! Best of luck to your brother, hopefully he will get his act together soon like you clearly did.