Baldness

[FeliciaLee]

Humans seem to be attached to their hair, in more than a literal sense. In our society, baldness is perceived as less attractive and embarrassing for both sexes, instead of a sometimes normal process of aging or illness. We tend to attach so much of our self worth to our head of hair, that to be without it, or for it to look bad, is a sign of weakness, ugliness, embarrassment, impotency or even feelings of being less than feminine.

I am not certain whether having a full, lush head of hair gave self-confidence to a less confident person first, or if society forced a self-confident person to lose their self-esteem due to pressures to conform. I would assume the first, but I am certainly no expert, and do not come from a background of low self-confidence.

When I first learned I would lose a lot of hair, I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and had to have major surgery due to the damage that had been done to some of my vital organs. I did not have thick, full, lush hair, but it was long. I used the best products and took care of my hair as well as I could. I could not afford to lose 50% of my existing hair without my scalp showing. It was not a big decision for me. While I didn't get it chopped all at once, I slowly got it cut, experimenting with different styles at different lengths. This was more for the sake of fun, and to see what I looked like with various lengths and colors. I also wanted to break it slowly to my husband Glenn (Domit on 2+2), knowing that men tend to value long locks in women.



I had surgery, and lost quite a bit of hair. I didn't realize just how much I'd lost until I got a slight sunburn on my scalp while driving with my sunroof open all the time. We lived in the DC area, so this wouldn't normally happen. I don't believe I have any pics of this time period, or at least not scanned pics. If I find some later, I will scan them and upload them to this thread.

All of this happened back in 1998 and 1999. I have never had long hair again.

My hair is constantly changing. I have some friends in the high stakes poker world who don't even recognize me when I first approach them at a festival. I might change the color or length so dramatically that they certainly don't expect the Felicia they know when they see my crazy hair.

Here are some pics from 2000 until I got cancer in 2005.

















If there was ever a person who did not place any stock on what others thought of her hair, or how well her hair complimented her facial structure, she was me. My only criteria is that the gray didn't blend in much with the rest of my natural hair color, and I hated seeing it stick out, so I mainly covered it.

And then the other shoe dropped in 2005 and I got cancer. I was one of the lucky chicks (haha) who doesn't qualify for any of the newer, less harsh drugs. In every profile, I was not a match. I didn't get to take the good stuff that most cancer patients get to take these days, I had to do the harsh, 30 year old chemo. Lucky me!

So I knew I'd be losing all of my hair. Pubic hair went first, wooohoo. Glenn certainly loved that look [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

I also knew I'd be severely crippled by chemo, given the cocktail I was prescribed, and the fact that my brother had a very bad time with it, too, and we are so alike. I knew it would be a long, long time before I had real hair again, and before I had any semblence of "health" again. I remember one of the nurses looking at my labs before I even started chemo and saying that my labs looked like I'd already been through it. So I knew in advance this was going to be a rough time. I even took a month to get prepared, and wanted to take more, but the Oncolgist kicked and screamed and virtually dropped me as a patient if I didn't start sooner. She turned out to be a real witch, but I've grown to expect that in Arizona, where the medical care can be compared to the dark ages of medicine.

I had Glenn shave my head to the shortest guard that I had for the clippers.



What I didn't expect when it came to losing my hair is that my scalp would become so tender that it "hurt" when the hair fell out. This was a huge crush. I mean, my head literally hurt. Like it had bruises all over it.

And since the hair fell out rather slowly, it hurt for a long time. It hurt way too much to wear regular hats. I had to wear super soft scarves and turbans. I mostly stayed indoors and stayed bald, because anything touching my head hurt it. Once all of the hair was gone, however, it did not hurt, but that took a long, long time. Much longer than I ever would have expected.

The cancer center was constantly trying to get me to wear wigs and fake boobs. I'm not sure why that mentality is still out there, but they were insistent, and acted appalled that I would not even consider it. Like I was less of a woman, less of a self-confident human being just because I had no hair and no boobs? That is ridiculous, and I didn't care for the pressure. I basically told them to eff-off and did my own thing.

I never, ever, have felt less confident, less of a woman, a sexual being, or a person due to hair loss or any other loss. I cannot figure out why society in general has placed that onus on us.

More recently, I have been on several cruises and watched the way certain women behave when they don't have hair. I don't get it. They have virtually no hair to speak of, yet they grow it out, long and stringy, trying to cover a bald scalp. Strings of ugly, unhealthy, dull looking hair, with no bounce or shine, trying to cover what is obvious to everyone else. I'm not sure what these women are thinking of. Short, stylish hair looks so much more flattering to women who are balding.

I looked up a few websites on female baldness, and was amazed at the lengths women will go to in order to hide baldness. It can be causes by a variety of conditions and illnesses. It can be short-term or permanent, but women seem to take drastic measures when it comes to hiding a bald pate. Even more sad, I found the pics of women who simply cut their thin locks very short to be much more flattering than those who went the route of elaborage wigs, weaves, extensions or accessories covering the crown (hats, scarves, etc). Most of the time their facial structures and coloring did not support a huge, volumous head of hair. Yet that is what they necessitated in order to feel more feminine. More like a "real" woman. Rubbish, I say. The weakness comes from inside, not from their lack of hair. Just my opinion, but I feel that something was probably "broken" with their esteem long before they lost their hair.

Hair Loss
Hair Loss II
Hair Loss III

As for men, some of them simply shave their heads or keep a close cut long before they go completely bald. This is the way to go, imo. It doesn't make the loss quite so traumatic, and also looks extremely sexy on most men. There are exceptions, of course, with lumpy scalps or moles, but lots of things can be helped these days with laser treatment and/or a good dermatologist.

This looks infinitely better than the looooooong, side parted comb-over. I know that some women say that they like a man with some hair, rather than a balding man, but I have never, EVER heard a woman profess that she likes the long, scraggily comb-over better than a close cut on a balding man. Never. The comb-over looks ridiculous. It is not fooling anyone. I don't believe it is even fooling the balding man himself, nor does it give him more self-confidence, imo.

Why does our society tell us that we cannot be who we are? That we are less sexual, less attractive beings if we allow our hair to be cut extremely close, rather than resorting to wigs, toupes, hats and hideous comb-overs as we bald? Why do we feel that our hair is our crown? That we are defined by the length, texture, and beauty of our hair?

I don't buy this. I never have. I am a woman. I am a sexual being, I have huge self-esteem. I am confident in my looks and marriage. I don't define myself or hold my head high based on my hair (or lack of, lol).

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see who I have always seen. I see who I want to be, not flaws in myself due to illness and heredity.

We are beautiful beings (yeah, some of you are butt ugly, but you know what I mean [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] ). We should hold our heads up high, proudly, confidently, regardless of our outer beauty. No one likes a meek, whiny doormat.

Women and men who lack self-esteem will never be beautiful regardless of their outer appearance. Women and men who have lots of self-confidence and inner beauty will always be more desirable, in the long run, no matter the lack of hair or movie star looks.

Please feel free to add lots of discussion and/or pictures to this thread. While my opinion will not change, I hope it is a huge help to others.

Bald and Beautiful,

Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[ohgeetee]

I have often wondered the same thing regarding people who do the comb over or other extreme measures. It's a combination of things, both self esteem, as well as those close to those people not making them aware of how silly it looks. We have this ingrained switch as to what is 'polite' that carries over from general strangers to those closest to us that is 'ON' way too much.

I get a lot of flack for being honest to a fault, particularly with those closest to me, but I really don't see the point of lying or holding back from those closest. I wouldn't have a problem telling someone close to me that their hair loss is magnified by doing irrational things to their hair, and that they should look into a shorter look, shaving it off, etc. I also wouldn't have a problem telling them they stink, have mustard on their forehead, etc.

I think its a lot harder for folks that don't have a face/head that goes so well with short hair though. I've always thought you looked stunning w/ short hair, and I also think it is a lot easier to voice pride in inner beauty/confidence/self esteem when the outer beauty is so far above avg.

[JaredL]

Felicia,

Excellent post. I had high expectations for it and it exceeded them.

I think you agree, I think baldness is viewed much more negatively on women. It's interesting that you basically never see women that are bald/balding and NOT trying to cover it up somehow. Old (white) ladies often go with what I call the grandmafro, which is the ultra frizzy perm clearly designed to spread the hair out as much as possible. Seems extremely common. I think appearance in society in general is (at least perceived as) being more important for females than males. Perhaps this is based in evolutionary reasons, who knows. Also, that baldness is so much more prevalent among men must be a factor.

Just the other day I was in a grocery store talking to a friend of mine. We were at the checkout and there were the usual 500 tabloids all with Britney Spears on the cover with a shaved head. My friend made the comment that he had basically always thought of her as not unattractive but not particularly attractive. However, in the shaved head shots he thought she looked very attractive. We then discussed how each of us, like many other guys, thought Natalie Portman looked very attractive (more than usual) when she shaved her head for a movie. People felt the same about Demi Moore as well. While the sample is small and famous here, I think it is evidence that you are correct that these women would be better off just cutting it very close to their head.

Personally, as I said in the diablo discussion forum discussion thread, I started getting a reasonably serious receding hair line at about 19. I have always had thin hair, I am jealous of the guys with a fro because I've wanted one since being a teenager, probably because it was impossible even with a full head of hair. A bit after the recession (heh) I started getting thin at the top as well. Not like a bald spot in the back, but the entire top of my head - especially the front in general. Since about 16 I had had the pretty short, slicked forward type hairstyle. I switched to just the very short (too short to do anything with) at that time after getting my hair cut from the usual lady, for my sister's wedding, who cut the side a bit longer to cover up where the hair line had receded. Basically, she gave me something sort of like a comb-over. When I was about 18 or 20, I went to a dermatologist for acne issues I still had. She reccomended that I take Propecia and gave me a prescription. Basically, it's a baldness drug that apparently doesn't add hair, it just keeps you from losing it. I decided that that wasn't worth at all worth the side effects so I never even filled it. The last couple of years I've gotten a lot thinner. I often just shave my head completely bald. It starts to look bad when I, due to laziness, let it grow too long.

I am 100% with you. I think that efforts to cover up baldness are 99.9999999% of the time bad. They often focus the eye on the area in question and actually call more attention to it than just the lack of hair would.

Jared

[milesdyson]

I have been taking Propecia for about a month now. Skunkworks talked about his results in an OOT thread and I decided to hop on the bandwagon. I haven't noticed any results yet but it can take up to 4-6 months depending on some periodic hair growth cycles or something. My head of hair is pretty much full, just my hair line is slightly receding. I'm 24.

Some time in college I cut my 6" long hair off to about 1/4". Then I realized my hairline was receding so I kept it short. Then I decided I love my hair (it looks like my avatar again), so I grew the bitch out starting a few months ago. Eventually I plan on losing all of it or pursuing other measures to keep it.

I don't know what it is about losing hair that makes it suck so much. When you look around, nearly every older dude has lost hair, and I don't really even pay attention (yeah except for the ridiculous combovers and stuff). It just hits so much harder when it's your own hair for some reason.

[StukOnStupid]

Would you mind telling me (or linking) to your story of diabetes? It sounds like you had it for a long time, and didn't know it. How did you find out? How long did you have it before you were diagnosed? I have been losing my hair dramatically over the last 5 years, and there is NO baldness in my family. Just curious. Sorry if this is a hijack....

Thanks for posting too!

[skunkworks]

I've gotten great results from Propecia + Rogaine + Nizoral. I've been using for about close to 9 months now I think, and my hairline has been creeping forward since I started taking it. I'm kind of adamant about fighting this off because my dad is bald and I always thought he looked ridiculous with his combover, plus there's a bit of a negative association thing going on with my dad.

There's a large amount of vanity that went into my decision, but it's not something that bothers me at night. I rationalize the Propecia thing in my head as being more natural than boob jobs, tummy tucks, or hell, even hair transplant surgery. I don't have anything against guys that decide to shave everything off or go close-cropped -- they are smart and in general look good. It's just that my hair loss regimen is so convenient and inexpensive that there's no reason not to do it.

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
I think its a lot harder for folks that don't have a face/head that goes so well with short hair though. I've always thought you looked stunning w/ short hair, and I also think it is a lot easier to voice pride in inner beauty/confidence/self esteem when the outer beauty is so far above avg.


[/ QUOTE ]
Aw, thanks. I agree with the point about not having the right structure for super short hair. That is why I had long hair for 13 years to begin with. I was big, with a round face, and short cuts just seemed to make it stand out more. The first pic, with my brother, was very flattering of me. I can't seem to find less flattering pics of those 13 years (maybe I didn't have many taken, lol). But I was big, maybe 160-175 lbs. and had a round face, so I didn't feel short hair would have looked good on me at all. I understand that mindset. There comes a time, however, when one has to choose the better of two evils, I suppose.

I don't think there is anything whatsoever wrong with hats, wigs, etc, it's just not my style. Similarly, I don't see anything wrong with women who wear false boobs after mastectomy. It's just not me.

As far as being attractive in the first place, I don't know. Maybe it is easier to project self-confidence. I've found some of the least self-confident women are traditionally the prettiest, though, which is a real shame.

My own looks have run the gamut. I have been plain, ugly, too fat, too thin, etc. The things that bugged me I've gotten fixed, but most things I simply don't care about. I'm a big fan of plastic surgery (or asthetic procedures) if the patient has the right mindset. Using surgery as a means of boosting self-confidence doesn't seem to work, however, unless the surgery is to correct something that is obviously not simply asthetic.

I can't really say that my confidence has changed much based on my appearance. I got sick of looking at the baggage under my eyes, so I fixed it. I didn't suddenly have a boost in esteem. Now the baggage is back, and worse than ever (I'm sure cancer treatment played a part in that), but I didn't suffer any esteem issues. Maybe I'll get it fixed again someday, maybe not.

Hope this clears up my own mindset for you.

Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[FeliciaLee]

Thanks, Jared.

You know, you are probably correct about baldness in women being perceived as worse. I don't know many women, though, so I don't know much about it. I never even thought about it. My brother married a woman who has very little hair. I remember when someone asked him about it, he said that she had loved him when he was bald, so why wouldn't he love her just because she doesn't have much hair? She keeps it very short, and it looks good on her.

I thought that Natalie, Demi and Sigourney all looked good with shaved heads. Women with strong bone structure almost look a lot more beautiful if they don't have much hair, and their looks are forefront. Brittney, well, she doesn't have those sharp looks, but she doesn't look bad, either, imo. I think the mental issues are much more relevant in her case.

It sounds like you have taken your situation the best way possible. You knew the drug wasn't right for you, personally, and you decided to go forward, positively in your life (I might be reading between the lines, but it doesn't sound like you are suffering mentally).

Kudos,

Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
Would you mind telling me (or linking) to your story of diabetes? It sounds like you had it for a long time, and didn't know it. How did you find out? How long did you have it before you were diagnosed? I have been losing my hair dramatically over the last 5 years, and there is NO baldness in my family. Just curious. Sorry if this is a hijack....

Thanks for posting too!

[/ QUOTE ]
I could find some links for you, if you want more info. Diabetes didn't really run in my family, so it didn't occur to me that I had it.

I noticed that I was drinking lots more water. I had an insatiable thirst. It didn't matter how much I drank, I was parched and dry. This also meant I was chained to the bathroom.

I had no energy, I started gaining a lot of weight for seemingly no reason. My doc would put me on a diet, and I would gain instead of lose!

I don't know how long I had it before it was diagnosed, but eventually the doctor sent me in for a test and voila. By this time I was in and out of liver failure, right kidney failure, lost my gall bladder, etc. I felt immediately better after surgery.

I still suffer somewhat with crazy blood sugar, but I control it by diet and eat a high protein diet with protein shakes, in order to keep it from the huge peaks and valleys I had ten years ago.

Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[jkkkk]

[ QUOTE ]
I have been taking Propecia for about a month now. Skunkworks talked about his results in an OOT thread and I decided to hop on the bandwagon.

[/ QUOTE ]

I also decided to jump on this bandwagon at the start of December and I must say I am happy with the results so far (props to skunkworks, provided good information in that thread). I started using minoxidil + finestaride every day and have since seen an increase in volume and some early signs regrowth at the frontal sides.

I'd recommend anyone else with hair thats starting to thin to do the same, the earlier you start, the better.