"Relax, baby, I just want to mash your ..."

[bonds]

Saturday night I'm bored out of my [censored] skull. I made the two block walk down to the local watering hole to drown my boredom with many cheap domestic light beers. The crowd [censored] sucked. If I'd pregamed, I probably would have picked a fight with any number of the roided up overly cologned deutschbags trolling for chicks. I should have gone deep into the heart of the D and found a sista with questionable morals.

I sat at the bar, minding my own [censored] business, watching the game on TV and ignoring the stupid suburban slooots yammering on their cells. I don't play their game.

I've had eleventeen beers at this point and things are starting to get a little fuzzy. The Tigers lost again. [Censored]. I was getting ready to leave when this chick nearly knocked me off my stool. Since she appeared to be drunk off her [censored], I at least looked twice. Or maybe it just took two looks to take her all in, since she was probably pushing two bills.

Now I pretty much learned everything I need to know about women from BBV4L, so I decided to go all Georgia Avenue and get me some easy fattie lovin'. We had some pretty retarded drunken conversation and then she wants to dance. Jebus. I'm not that way at all, but since I got nothing better to do, why not. She's having a hard time staying upright, which just makes it that much easier to grind. I thought she was into it, so I went to close the deal. In my suavest possible move, I told her we should get out of there. She giggled and said 'why'd you want to go anywhere else'. Ignoring the giant flashing red right, I plowed ahead.

"Relax, baby, I just want to mash your keedsheeter."

I've never seen a drunk chick sober up so fast.

At least it saved me a bunch of money when I went to Taco Bell later.

Fat chick 1, BBV4L's finest pickup line 0.