Jamie Gold's Home Game turns Ugly with Donks of Main Events Past

[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

A friend of a friend used to play Jamie’s home game before Jamie became “Jamie.” Anyway, I guess for the first time in a while he decided to host the game again, and with supposedly a couple tables full of players who’ve been mainstays in the Main Event in recent years. The friend asked me to play (it was a $1000 buy in) and I decided I must jump at the chance.

We arrived at Jamie’s home in Malibu around 7pm. Many players were already there. Chris Moneymaker was on the front porch playing on his laptop. I went over and introduced myself and asked what he was playing. Shocked, I noticed it was some $10NL.

“What’s going on Chris? $10NL?” I asked.
“Yeah, trying to rebuild my roll so I can buy into the big one,” he retorted.
Laughing, I said “Chris, you’re gonna have to play a lot of $10NL to buy into the Main Event.”
“Main event?” he shot back. “I’m just trying to acquire enough cash to get into the Sunday Million this weekend. “Think you can stake me?”

The tournament started about a half hour later, there were 2 tables of 8 players each. Players at my table included Tiffany Williamson, Scott Lazar, Steve Dannenmann (who wouldn’t acknowledge me after our heads-up battle a few weeks ago), and Jamie was also at our table, along with a few others I didn’t know. The other table included Tex Barch and Aaron Kanter, who eventually 3-bet with A6 off, then called a preflop all in with that same hand.

About a half hour into the tourney, Tiffany Williamson raises UTG, I pick up KK on the button and repop, she comes BACK OVER THE TOP. I moved in, and she agonized over the decision. Jamie ordered food, I took a [censored], and eventually she mucked K10 off and begged to see my hand. Sorry, no dice.

I get shortstacked later on, pick up JJ UTG +1 and push. Folds around to Scott Lazar in the big blind, who says “I’ll give you a gamble!” and calls with 93 offsuit, looking downright distraught when I flipped over my Jakes.

Jamie was his usual douchebag self, talking and talking, but accumulating chips. Eventually, I ended heads up against him and tried to get into his head. I might’ve taken it a bit too far though:

“Jamie, you’re in the industry. I actually have a movie pitch myself, but I don’t have any inside Hollywood connections,” I said.

“Yeah? Go ahead,” he responded, munching on a bowl of fresh blueberries. “I raise.”

Mucking my 10/3, I responded, “OK, so it’s about this poker player who’s a complete douchebag, right, and he somehow luckboxes his way to winning the World Series of Poker Main Event and $12 million bones. What do you think?”

Apparently not getting it, Jamie shot back, “I don’t know man, I’ve heard a lot of pitches and that one just doesn’t sound like it would be a hit. Sorry.”

I peeked down at an Ace Jack. “I raise,” I said matter-of-factly. “So, Jamie, what if this douchebag said things like ‘I thought you said TOP TOP’ and other moronic [censored] at the table, you think that would help the pitch?”

The lightbulb finally went on in Jamie’s head, and he grew somewhat angry. “Are you [censored] serious, man? You come to my house and insult me like that? You know what? You’re a [censored] creep. Get the [censored] out of my house. You see this bracelet on my wrist? Where’s your [censored] bracelet?” he said, very upset.

“I’m not leaving until I’ve got all your chips, Donk,” I said smugly.

At this point, Jamie lunged across the table and tried to choke me out. I punched him a few times before Tex Barch came over and broke it up. We were taken to separate rooms, Jamie demanded I be removed from his property, so we did a 50/50 split with the prize money.

Chances are I won’t be invited back to play next week’s game.