Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[traz]

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i know this is an extremely routine question but i was thinking about it recently and i'm trying to think of the right kind of things to say when getting set up with a blind date before you actually meet. the problem is that you are inherently setting yourself up in a weak position...

1) why do you even need to be set up?
2) why do you want to meet someone you've never met?

i feel like anything i might write in this email (i was given email address not phone number) is going to come off as loser-ish. same deal with offering to take the girl out to dinner... why do i want to take out a girl i haven't met?

"hi, i just got back from maryland, so-and-so gave me your email, lets go meet for drinks" is about the best i can come up with.

i can't think of any way to come off as lighthearted and funny here with a line like "bring your own shoelaces".

meh. i am pathetic.

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woah what? You're getting set up? haha that's funny ;o. I've never ever blind emailed someone, seems like one of the worst possible ways to set up a date. I'd probably just email her, be casual and then mention an activity that you're planning on doing where she's welcome to join you.

"...oh I'm going to check this out on saturday, I bet you'd enjoy it. It's supposed to be pretty awesome blah balh

ttyl, durron"

More than anything I want constant updates

[El Diablo]

durron,

I generally ask friends to bring people to happy hours or parties rather than set me up on a blind date. I find the whole idea very uncomfortable and strange. traz's advice seems reasonable.

Maybe do a happy hour w/ a few friends and email her "Hey, xxx gave me your email address and said you're new to the area and very cool (or whatever), so I thought you might be interested in joining me and some friends for drinks on Thursday." Or some crap like that.

[durron597]

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durron,

I generally ask friends to bring people to happy hours or parties rather than set me up on a blind date. I find the whole idea very uncomfortable and strange. traz's advice seems reasonable.

Maybe do a happy hour w/ a few friends and email her "Hey, xxx gave me your email address and said you're new to the area and very cool (or whatever), so I thought you might be interested in joining me and some friends for drinks on Thursday." Or some crap like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

I got invited to a party on saturday which will probably be loud club type atmosphere that I could invite her to meet me at but the problem is I prefer a more chilled out atmosphere (would rather hang out at a quieter bar etc. than a crowded club scene), and the person who is doing the fixing is a family friend, not a friend friend. Also, the girl was described as "shy", which if true means she might not like that scene either... prob not the best place to meet her for the first time. Supposedly this girl is so shy that the fixer-upper didn't even want to give me a phone number, just an email.

The other major problem (which seems to screw me practically every weekend) is that I live (and work) on Long Island and everything is happening in the city. Don't think I need to outline why that's a huge pain in the ass for all sorts of reasons.

[El Diablo]

d,

OK, shy girl, send an email like this then:

--
Hi Susan,

I got your email address from Mr. Rogers. He mentioned you were new to the city and though we might enjoy meeting. [That is super lame, but you get the idea] I'm going to be in the city most of the weekend - how about grabbing some brunch Saturday or Sunday?
--

That is a pretty terrible email, but you get the general idea. I think something super casual and daytime is best for the situation you've described.

[BPA234]

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durron,

I generally ask friends to bring people to happy hours or parties rather than set me up on a blind date. I find the whole idea very uncomfortable and strange. traz's advice seems reasonable.

Maybe do a happy hour w/ a few friends and email her "Hey, xxx gave me your email address and said you're new to the area and very cool (or whatever), so I thought you might be interested in joining me and some friends for drinks on Thursday." Or some crap like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

I got invited to a party on saturday which will probably be loud club type atmosphere that I could invite her to meet me at but the problem is I prefer a more chilled out atmosphere (would rather hang out at a quieter bar etc. than a crowded club scene), and the person who is doing the fixing is a family friend, not a friend friend. Also, the girl was described as "shy", which if true means she might not like that scene either... prob not the best place to meet her for the first time. Supposedly this girl is so shy that the fixer-upper didn't even want to give me a phone number, just an email.

The other major problem (which seems to screw me practically every weekend) is that I live (and work) on Long Island and everything is happening in the city. Don't think I need to outline why that's a huge pain in the ass for all sorts of reasons.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you have to go out at night? I think all first dates should be lunch only. That way, you have a purpose for being there, and you can painlessly bail after you're finished eating.

If things go well, you can make plans to go to that party.

[durron597]

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Do you have to go out at night? I think all first dates should be lunch only.

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el d/bpa, i think this idea saves the situation. thanks both.

[anklebreaker]

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be casual and then mention an activity that you're planning on doing where she's welcome to join you.

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This is so key in so many "dating" situtations. So often I hear some guy wondering where to "take a girl on a date" and think about what she might like (usually a bunch of boring and expensive things that are supposed to impress the girl.) A much better plan is to ask her to come to something you like doing and/or are already doing. This can be anything from shooting pool, playing tennis, or going to happy hours.

If you're having a great time (and you have a decent personality) she'll have a great time. This approach is spontaneous, easy, fun, and also avoids issues of who pays (since you aren't "taking her to on a date".)

[0netime0nly]

Hi EDF:

This may be the world's dumbest situation/question, but I'd like your thoughts.

I'm 20, play poker for an income, don't go to school, live by myself, hardly get out, basically never meet girls.

Back in grade 11/12 HS, there were several girls I should have asked out that clearly liked me, but, being a retard, I obviously did not.

So, question is, is it practical to, say, send one of these girls a PM over facebook asking them if they'd like to do lunch sometime, mentioning my regret at not asking them out in the past? I truly am pissed at myself for missing these opportunities.

Or is this too stalkerish/desperate/whatever else? I'm sure these girls have about 1000 dudes a day hitting on them, so maybe that makes this idea of mine a bit more 'lol'?

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
i know this is an extremely routine question but i was thinking about it recently and i'm trying to think of the right kind of things to say when getting set up with a blind date before you actually meet. the problem is that you are inherently setting yourself up in a weak position...

1) why do you even need to be set up?
2) why do you want to meet someone you've never met?

i feel like anything i might write in this email (i was given email address not phone number) is going to come off as loser-ish. same deal with offering to take the girl out to dinner... why do i want to take out a girl i haven't met?

[/ QUOTE ]

I tend to agree with Diablo wrt blind dates (more organic just to meet the person in a group setting), but my friends are always trying to set me up so I've been on a few.

In general, really, blind dates are not a big deal at all. You're just 2 single people who happen to be in-between relationships, and a mutual friend thought you might be good together. No need to feel like a tool - in a first e-mail just mention your mutual friend or whatever connection you have.

I've done dinner or drinks on a blind date and it's been fine and not awkward at all. I pretty much trust my friends, so chance the girl is incredibly annoying or something is slim - also always plenty of conversation (as you barely know anything about each other).

FWIW I'm 31 and usually get set up with girls ~27 or so, so maybe going "more casual" (e.g. brunch) is better as a general rule for younger people more uncomfortable with the idea of a set up.

-Al

[SlowHabit]

[ QUOTE ]
Hi EDF:

This may be the world's dumbest situation/question, but I'd like your thoughts.

I'm 20, play poker for an income, don't go to school, live by myself, hardly get out, basically never meet girls.

Back in grade 11/12 HS, there were several girls I should have asked out that clearly liked me, but, being a retard, I obviously did not.

So, question is, is it practical to, say, send one of these girls a PM over facebook asking them if they'd like to do lunch sometime, mentioning my regret at not asking them out in the past? I truly am pissed at myself for missing these opportunities.

Or is this too stalkerish/desperate/whatever else? I'm sure these girls have about 1000 dudes a day hitting on them, so maybe that makes this idea of mine a bit more 'lol'?

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Please do not say regret. Just ask them how they are doing, create a conversation talking about the old days, and go from there.

The key is to act like you have a life. That you have other activities on the side and you just want to catch up. Any time you feel you're sounding needy, stop the conversation right there and tell them you gotta go take care of something.

A side comment. What is it with guys and sounding needy/desperate? When was the last time you talk to a girl that was needy/desperate and you told yourself, "wow, that's hot right there. I def want a girl with that trait."