I [censored] up

[Rduke55]

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I'm a crazy cat person and I agree, there's no way your cat was trapped down there for any length of time without you knowing it. He knew it was his time.

[SoloAJ]

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I'm really sorry for your loss.

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I really hope that in time you can come to displace the blame a little. As everyone has said, it's unlikely you were a cause of this sad event. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[diddyeinstein]

Truly sorry Boro.

If you can get any consolation out of this, this is true:

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I asked a vet about it one day when I brought my dog in for a shot. She said that the theory is cats know when their time is near and many times will find a place to hide, make a bed out of anything soft they can find and lie down and die.

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[odellthurman]

Who is Dan?

[Blarg]

Sorry to read your sad tale. It sucks when a pet dies or gets hurt, especially if we feel at least partially to blame. And how easy is it not to feel a little to blame when something dies, whether we should nor not?

Hope it doesn't discourage you from giving your love elsewhere when you're ready. There's never any guarantee that bad things won't happen, but we have to take that risk of making the world worse if we want to make it any better.

[Blarg]

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Borodog,

Awesome posts. I think your big regret is that you weren't able to go about it on your terms, but look at it this way: it appears he did it on his.

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I had a cat get poisoned once. I kept trying to comfort it. Stroke it, keep it warm against my body, just lay a hand on it so it wouldn't feel completely alone in its pain, anything that I imagined could feel comforting. Eventually I started to feel bad, in a way. No matter how gentle my touch, even when holding perfectly still, the cat kept squirming to try to get away. I finally more or less admitted to myself that the cat just wanted to die alone. However they face pain and fear and death, sharing it must make it worse. But for a long time in her dragged out death, I gave her no other choice. I think I may have made a good chunk of her last hours more painful rather than less. It didn't make me feel good about myself. Maybe my own feelings were more important to me than I realized at the time, and I was focusing too much on myself. If so, I didn't feel any better for it either, so my efforts weren't a success either way.

If that happens again, I am going to try to let the animal's feelings direct me and not do anything as if I knew more than it did what would make it happiest. If it doesn't want me around, I'll just go. I think I'm probably a lot like the cat was too. I would feel worse dying if I knew I was pulling everyone down into sadness with me. I think I'd like to believe in a heaven for their sake, not mine, just so they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. Maybe I'll pretend to have a deathbed conversion when the time is ripe, even though I'd really rather not be bothered.

You can't choose the terms of somebody else's death, and it's probably bad to try to impose them anyway. It's probably the last thing they need at the time. Boro, there's an excellent chance that your cat chose the best possible death that was within its understanding, and in its own way found a kind of satisfaction in it that there's nothing you could do to provide anyway.

[SoloAJ]

I just realized I didn't actually post it in my response above, but I definitely empathize with losing a pet.

Our cat had gotten sick last year in mid-November with some sort of urinary infection. We took it to the vet and it was clearly in a ton of pain. 10 days or so passed and the vet said that he should be getting better. Woke up Thanksgiving morning '06 and went downstairs and he had died lying in his little cushion that he liked to sleep in.

I had to start Thanksgiving last year by burying our family cat. It was not pleasant, but much worse was seeing my mom bawling because of how close she had gotten to the cat that she originally found annoying a few years earlier.

Definitely feel the sorrow for your situation, Boro. Hope things get better for you.

[OtisBlue415]

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[ QUOTE ]
Borodog,

Awesome posts. I think your big regret is that you weren't able to go about it on your terms, but look at it this way: it appears he did it on his.

[/ QUOTE ]

I had a cat get poisoned once. I kept trying to comfort it. Stroke it, keep it warm against my body, just lay a hand on it so it wouldn't feel completely alone in its pain, anything that I imagined could feel comforting. Eventually I started to feel bad, in a way. No matter how gentle my touch, even when holding perfectly still, the cat kept squirming to try to get away. I finally more or less admitted to myself that the cat just wanted to die alone. However they face pain and fear and death, sharing it must make it worse. But for a long time in her dragged out death, I gave her no other choice. I think I may have made a good chunk of her last hours more painful rather than less. It didn't make me feel good about myself. Maybe my own feelings were more important to me than I realized at the time, and I was focusing too much on myself. If so, I didn't feel any better for it either, so my efforts weren't a success either way.

If that happens again, I am going to try to let the animal's feelings direct me and not do anything as if I knew more than it did what would make it happiest. If it doesn't want me around, I'll just go. I think I'm probably a lot like the cat was too. I would feel worse dying if I knew I was pulling everyone down into sadness with me. I think I'd like to believe in a heaven for their sake, not mine, just so they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. Maybe I'll pretend to have a deathbed conversion when the time is ripe, even though I'd really rather not be bothered.

You can't choose the terms of somebody else's death, and it's probably bad to try to impose them anyway. It's probably the last thing they need at the time. Boro, there's an excellent chance that your cat chose the best possible death that was within its understanding, and in its own way found a kind of satisfaction in it that there's nothing you could do to provide anyway.

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Blarg,

The same is indeed often true for humans. It has been in my experience that when somebody is dying in a hospital room and is surrounded by family, the person usually passes when no one is in the room with them. It is only then that the dying really feel that they can let go.

[quirkasaurus]

it's very natural for animals to seek a quiet place to die
when their time has come. had he been not dieing, he would've
meowed his little head off.

don't beat yourself up any longer, borodog.

and besides, who could find a solid black cat hiding in
the dark of a crawl space ?! that cat didn't want to be found.

get another one, and treat him just as well.

[MicroBob]

all these dying cat tales have me reliving the tough decisions of when to put my cat down.
I really didn't think she was ready even though the cancer was eating up her mouth.
But in the end I think she had some okay days where she would still climb into my lap and purr and be all happy so I still think I probably only held onto her maybe 2+ days longer than I should have.

Man, having the decision of whether to try for really painful surgery that will end up making her miserable or letting her go on with the cancer for a little while longer was somewhat difficult for me. It was really helpful to be able to talk to my sister and she could tell me, "if it was my cat I wouldn't do the jaw-removal thing. It's extremely painful and difficult for most cats and might only extend their life for a few months anyway." etc etc.

Usually the vet just gives you the options without quite as much guidance and says, "it's up to you."
arrgh. How annoying.

A few days before I put her down she walked onto the balcony of my 2nd floor apartment and took a flying leap and wandered around the grounds. She had never done that before and I have to think she had instincts to get away and go off on her own.
At first I thought it was an accidental fall but I let her go onto the balcony again to see how she would react and she was definitely lining up to take another jump. She had instincts to go off on her own because it was her time I'm almost positive.

Over 2 years earlier she had taken a different fall I think although she might have gotten partly hit by a car instead. I didn't see it but she definitely had some kind of injury and she was down and injured. But then she scrambled away and I couldn't catch her.
I had to think that she just found a spot in the woods where she could probably curl-up and whatever injury she had to her head would do her in.
I was sure she was gone for good.

14 days later she stumbles back to the general area and my neighbor says she saw her. She was insanely thin and probably dehydrated. Vet gave her fluids and she recovered and was good to go for another 2 years.
I have to think that her wandering off that time was her instincts telling her to go curl up and die...except that somehow she actually didn't die and after a long rest/hibernation she somehow recovered.

It was really weird that my cat that I was sure had died somehow came back and said, "Hey..I'm back!"
I had already pretty much given up trying to find her after 4 or 5 days.