Dealing With Being Unattractive

[sarahbellum]

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Do you have any advice on meeting women in your 30s. I find that clubs focus too much on looks and image. Clubs have been the only place I really look. I've tried co-ed sports teams, but those are really like a once a year gamble. If you don't get a good team, you gotta wait another year to try.

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I think this is a great thread but right now the only thing I can address is the above quote. I happen to think that playing sports is a GREAT way to meet women in their 30's. I do agree with the co-ed team thing... it can be hit or miss. Keep in mind though that, depending on the league, it might not really matter which team you're on. I play in a coed rec hockey league and over time I have met a lot of different people from a lot of different teams.

I know a couple of women who have met their guys thru running groups. I don't know if they found the groups on craigslist or via a running store, but it seems like a great idea to me.

Another good one would be to try racquetball. If you have a community center near you that has courts, then you could advertise on craiglist for racquetball partners. This might not lead to a love connection with your partner, but as you become better friends with them then they might be an avenue to meeting other women.

Anyways, I really wish you a lot of luck with this. The kind of woman that you want to meet is going to be one who is much more interested in who you are rather than what you look like. Looks don't last forever, but your character does. I know it sounds like a cliche but it is very very true.

[thirddan]

im not in my 30's, but what about bookstores, coffee shops, etc??? just normal places...

i still feel like you are using the looks thing as a crutch to not accel at something...

about the pua stuff, i dont' know much about it...maybe pm The Yugoslavian or bkholdem, they know about that stuff...

[daveT]

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Practice smiling. It really hurts at first, but a smiling person is probably looking for a good time, but keep the smiling for when you talking to people. Smiling alone looks creepy.


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This was hilarious. I say take any reason to be happy you can get, and don't worry too much about what people think. I'd hate to be caught stifling a grin because I was afraid people thought I was a weirdo or something. Doing that would prove them right.



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I'm glad this made you laugh, but you have the context right.

I don't even no why I bothered.....

[Rootabager]

sorry for short answer, but work your ass off and get rich.

That will make up for alot.

[Phil153]

It's pretty simple: you want to have sex with beautiful women. This is your desire and you want it to happen.

The thing is, looks are only a part of what women want. And not even the biggest part. There is a huge vacuum in terms of guys who can give women the rest of what they want (power, confidence, humor, drive and depth), and if you cultivate those qualities, you will do well regardless of how you look - unless you're completely ugly, which it sounds like you're not.

In fact, they're admiral qualities to develop in and of themselves, but you can never develop them while you're down on yourself or feeling cut off from the things you truly want.

Perhaps something to consider.

[Blarg]

Depends what type you are. If you are the type who will go anywhere or do anything to meet girls, maybe is very studied or programmatic about it, others can tell you better than me, because I'm not really that type. That type is often very successful too, so nothing wrong with that. I'm more the just enjoy yourself and be around people, wherever it is, and things develop naturally type. I often kind of "let" things develop. I think women generally ARE sexy and WANT to be sexy, and all you have to do is give them a chance. They give so many guys the chance, who just don't take it. More than anything, they would love for something fun, and funny, and sexy and interesting to come into their lives. Mostly it's just up to you to create a sense of fun and not to blow it. Where you are and what you're doing doesn't matter too much.

In accord with that, I'd say try to keep a wide circle of friends you genuinely enjoy, and go out a lot. Be sure to cultivate friends of both sexes, something I think lots of guys do way too little of. Don't save your friendliness and respect only for women you are sexually interested in. One of the best ways possible to meet women is through other women friends and through the female relatives of friends. That way you come with a built-in endorsement if not sometimes an outright rave, and you get invited places a lot more. Women are enormously social, and it means a lot to them to know you've already been vetted as a pretty good guy. They love to gossip, and that can work both ways. If you get known by women friends as a good guy, a lot of their women friends will hear it. If the women at a party or dinner with a bunch of people are just as happy to see you and just as relaxed around you as the guys are, the other women will see that and be more open and friendly to you too. Life gets pretty easy at that point.

[Blarg]

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You should be able to meet women in everyday walks of life, it's not hard if you pay attention. You can meet women everywhere. Just pay attention and talk to people.

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That's how I think of it pretty much.

Paying attention seems small, too, but it's big. You can walk past good looking women all day long, but it doesn't do you any good if you're too lost in thought to notice.

[rothko]

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You are unattractive because you believe you are unattractive.

- Buy nice clothes
- Learn good personal hygiene
- Learn how to converse normally with people
- Start to believe you are attractive

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woa, that's kinda offensive. op never said he doesn't know how to wash his hair or iron a shirt.

[Klompy]

I'm not going to lie, looks do matter to women. They aren't everything though, and often "the look" is more important then your looks if that makes any sense. You've said you're slim, and 30. I have a hard time thinking you're that far behind the field as most people you're competing against are likely overweight.

Just put yourself together well with nice clothes, decent hair style, and some confidence. Unless you're the elephant man or something this should be enough to meet some women.

[katyseagull]

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The kind of woman that you want to meet is going to be one who is much more interested in who you are rather than what you look like. Looks don't last forever, but your character does. I know it sounds like a cliche but it is very very true.

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Good post by Sarahbellum. I agree with her that playing sports is a great way to meet girls. Also, she hit it on the head when she said that character is what counts. I say work on your personality, learn how to get into the art of conversation, and don't stress so much on your looks. A lot of women just don't care that much about looks. They want a guy who is agreeable, relaxed and intelligent.

Also, bars and clubs suck. They are the last place I would want to go to find a date. Talk about awkward. Trust me, you're not the only one who hates those places.

I don't think your height is as much a disadvantage as you think it is.