Weighty issue I feel powerless to handle (Longest Post Ever OMG)

[Hellmouth]

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Hi Joker,

I am chinese and:
1. No, not many arranged marriages anymore. As you mentioned yourself, this Boss-business came about after some perceived relationship failures.
2. Chinese society and families are different than Western ones. You need to know that if you continue this relationship, that in the back of May's mind, its with the intention of it ending up in marriage. That's pretty much standard w/ most gals across the board. However, the chinese part figures in, in that<ul type="square">[*]Chinese families expect you to stay married, pretty much no matter what. That's double-y true if she's got a very religious background and triple-y true if kids are involved. It's not fair, but Chinese people are very suspicious of the depth of marriage-commitment of Westerners. They feel like Westerners are too frivolous with the commitment aspect of marriage.[*]There'll always be pressure on her to prove that you were a right or good choice. Meaning, you might have to make some effort to overcome language barriers, look past/forgive unjustified prejudices, sacrificing your own free time to just be around during family get-togethers/events. And if she really is from a traditional family, her folks/family WILL be plenty present/involved in her life.[*]There'll be pressure with kids, as, in old-school Chinese thinking, it's a pretty much standard expectation/function in marriage. Plus she's not 20, she's 28.[/list]We are taught from an early age to obey our parents. Conversely our parents have a different set of societal expectations and by-and-large, are supposed to have our best interests at heart.

I may've missed it in your post, but aside from all the Boss/May's-mom craziness, have you talked to May herself at all about where things are going? If you guys have some similar goals/directions/timelines for your lives?

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Good points. One of my good friends (white guy) married an Asian girl. It took her family a long time to accept him but he did things like start learning Manderin and they lived with her family for a while while looking for a house so they all became much closer. He is also a very easy going guy so I suspect that he doesn't bring up the friction that must occur from time to time.

Greg