My name is Indiana and I am a poker addict

[Indiana]

I've always loved this forum for its great ideas so I thought I'd open up here and see what ideas could be here for my situation. Allow me to give a very brief account of my poker career. First of all I am a 31 yr old male from the bay area and Im a scientist in the biotech industry over at biotech bay. Many of the guys in this forum know me as a very good poker player who has swingy emotions based on whether or not im having a big winning month in poker. I've been playing poker for 4 years and I must admit that its been very hard to hold down a successful career for that time and at the same time juggle a poker career on the side (~20 hrs/week) and keep a wife and family happy. I pretty much work all the time. Over the past 4 years I have made a decent 6-figure return on my poker winnings but I have much much bigger expectations for myself over the next 4 years. I've played 2 televised events at the WSOP and WPT and I have been successful in many types of games.

So that's my background, here's my problem. I am basically a serious poker addict. It started about 2 yrs ago when I started consuming myself in this game. It began when I started skipping parties, lying to my friends and telling them that I didnt feel well so that I could stay home and grind it out in the sunday million or whatever. It then evolved into me playing poker all the time and even sneaking out to play when I was supposed to be doing other stuff. Last week I had a business trip in Boston and I pretty much grinded 24-7 around my business meetings and even showed up bloodshot eyes and all to drag through my meetings, then back upstairs to grind online in my room. Rather than going out to enjoy that amazing city, i stayed in my room all week and ordered room service so that I didnt miss any games and i could grind all day. By the end of the week I could barely get myself back to the airport to fly back to california. I honestly felt that if i didnt get out that morning then i could die in my hotel room. i was only sleeping like 2 hrs a night, and getting weaker and weaker. I am a sick mother [censored] I know.

So here's the biggest problem of all. I am a winning player, and I've grown dependent on this poker income over time to pay the huge taxes and mortgages of northern cali and I need this game to provide me with the intellectual challenge that I cannot get from my career. BUT I basically need to play this game in moderation and learn to control my gambling addiction and not let my emotions drag me through the dirt when I lose. I cannot stand losing at poker, and it completely owns my mood and emotions when I lose.

I would never walk away from poker, but I seek to play this game in moderation and not to let my emotions control me when I am losing. Is it possible for a guy like me to have a healthy relationship with this game ? Must I really be this obsessed with the game to be successful? Will I ever push myself to hang out with friends again or not?

[omaha]

A couple of good points
1) you are a winning player (i hope this is the truth!)
2) you realise that your life is either out of balance, or getting out of balance.

If you are mainly playing online, (or if you have good records live), find out how much poker is earning you per hour, and compare that to your income.

For example, i am up about 2.5k in poker tourneys, but they are all 5 and 15 dollar mtts. In an hourly rate, i have prolly earned 1 or 2 dollars per hour. Since i am a dentist, earning over 100k a year, even though i am profitable on the poker table, its really just a hobby.

This kinda puts things in perspective, doesnt it? I have a good tourney win rate over about 1k games, yet it doesnt really earn me any 'real' money

On the other hand, your profits may be substantial.

My suggestions.

Get and analyse your records
Sit down with the misses and discuss
Get some balance back in your life somehow. This may involve

i) setting a time limit for poker
ii) stepping up in limits for a while
iii) going part time in your job to allow for more poker time
iv) realising poker doesnt pay much compared to your job, and understanding that its just a hobby (like me)

Hope this helps

[Indiana]

omaha,

thanks for the advice. I'd say that poker is roughly 15% or so of my annual income. I think that it could be 30% if I keep moving up in stakes and improving over the next year. Hell, its possible that part time I could even get to 50%.

Indy

[brian64]

It sounds like you are having trouble figuring out how you want poker to fit into your life. The good thing is that you still have all your options open. You haven't blown all your money, had your wife leave, lose your job, or anything like that.

There are several related areas of psychology that can help, anything from sports psychology to self-hypnosis or many other forms of self-help. Just go to a book store and find something that appeals to you. They share the same basic idea, which is to figure out a goal, make a plan to reach the goal, and then use some sort of behaviour modification to help stick with the plan. Maybe your goal should be to "make $x a month spending at most y hours playing poker". Maybe you want to become a poker pro. Only you know what the right goal for you is. The key is to understand WHY you want to reach the goal. What's the motivation? What would it mean to you to reach the goal? Once you figure it out, it usually isn't to hard to formulate a plan, and if you really understand the why, then you can stick to the plan.

[chr1s82p]

[ QUOTE ]

So here's the biggest problem of all. I am a winning player, and I've grown dependent on this poker income over time to pay the huge taxes and mortgages of northern cali and I need this game to provide me with the intellectual challenge that I cannot get from my career.

[/ QUOTE ]

hello,
perhaps you would feel better when you can figure out a way to be not dependent on your poker winnings?
chr1s82p

[Indiana]

guys,

i really appreciate all the suggestions. I could live without poker $, but i'd have to change the lifestyle a little. I do love this game a lot and i worked out a deal with my staker/coach to let me just have fun with the game for a little while. I do want to be the very best HUSNGer in the world and I've been working on this over the past year or so. The problem is that i get burned out and have to make myself quit.

As for my social life, I do want to rekindle friendships with my buddies back east and spend more time on relationships. I took off poker the last couple days and took my wife out to a girlie movie as well. I am trying to be a man of moderation but its hard.

My biggest concern is my ability to not let the swings of the game affect me emotionally.

Indy

[swede554]

Indiana,

since you seem to be a proven winning player, and an intelligent person, I'm sure you understand the fundamentals behind this game. You know that you can't win every time you sit down at the table. I much like you, rather despise losing. I however, derive most of my poker income from MTT's, so I've had to accept, embrace and truly understand what variance means. I probably lose more days than I win, but given the nature of MTT's, that's common. So what do I do? I play as well as I can, win or lose, and when I leave the tables behind for the day, I leave feeling satisfied I tried my hardest. I know that the days I win will make up for the losses many times over.

For a cash game player, you obviously can't afford to have more losing days than winning days, but the same principle applies. If you play your toughest, you ought to leave the tables feeling good about yourself. I guess my advice is, not to embrace losing, but understand that is a inevitable part of poker.

Here's a great quote from long-time poster MLG. I bolded the (imo) important part.

[ QUOTE ]
I think a lot of players become too invested in poker. That is, they have too much of an emotional investment in outcomes. Realistically it happens to all of us, but it’s important to keep in mind why you play poker. If you are playing because it’s fun and you enjoy the challenge then the emphasis should be on making correct decisions. I honestly enjoy getting involved in a difficult hand that I have to think about, even if I make a mistake (or make the right decision and lose the pot anyway). It is easy though to slip and think that because you perceive yourself as “good” or “better” you deserve to win. That’s just not the case. There is no deserve in poker. That’s a pretty important concept, and if you can’t swallow it poker will kill you. That’s what I mean by being too invested, feeling like you deserve to win because you play well. You don’t. When you take up poker seriously part of the bargain is throwing the word deserve right out the window.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ozdg3nr8]

you will eventually grow to hate the game no matter what if u play enough.
this happened to me around the 500k hand mark. although there are sickos who just love the game no matter what i suppose

[Onaflag]

Indy,

I'm about a 50 minute drive from you which is nothing in this area. I'm in the same boat as you with the exception of lifetime winnings. You might remember me from the STTF long ago.

We can hook up and talk in person about this or you can show up at one of my live tourneys (40+ players) and we can talk. Living with this addiction has cost me friends, probably some family, and most assuredly my health. I call it a side job. Addiction seems a better description for sure.

PM if interested in talking live.

Onaflag..........

[Indiana]

pm sent onaflag...yah i remember u.