How can we gently convince old guy with Alzheimer's to quit playing?

[TimWillTell]

You guys have to play poker, that's what you do, Bill has to stop because he can't anymore.
Maybe you guys think you need a dealer, because it's not good that the players themselves deal the cards; and you all think that Bill should do this dealing and you make it worth while for him.
He will still be at the table...
Would this work? Probably not.
Maybe he could play together with someone else, like he would become a sweater.
Probably wouldn't work either.
But you never know, just try something, do something.
Let him serve drinks and do the barbecue while you all play some poker, and have him occasionally play a hand.
Maybe that would work.
Best of luck!

[Al Mirpuri]

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

This is a heartbreaking story but I think you should tolerate him and just laugh about it.

The day when it is too much...he will just stop turning up.

[Rainclouds]

[ QUOTE ]
This is a basic test of human decency you're facing. It sounds like Bill is an old friend to several of the (aging) regulars in the game.

To my mind, home games of this sort are primarily social. Anything and everything should be done to accommodate an old friend who has this sort of affliction.

At some point friendship, empathy and basic decency among friends needs to trump poker considerations.

[/ QUOTE ]
Very good post.

Never put him out of the group; that's just cruel and it will destroy what's left of his life. A smooth poker game is a whole lot less important.

Also, to bring the fun back to the game, you guys should be able to make fun of his actions and he should be able to laugh with you. Like when he acts out of turn or calls with the nut low, you guys should be allowed to laugh about it, and Bill needs to learn not to get frustrated about his own actions. That will keep the game fun.

[Bingo_Boy]

If hes genuinely still enjoying the poker despite his difficulties and frustration then I think you have to accept that your friday night game isnt what it used to be, and organise another night without him if you have to.

On the other hand, he may embarrassed that hes struggling and is desperate for someone to suggest you do something else together every week.

PS: I would drop omaha8 like lead balloon

[Milo]

One of the great curses/blessings of dementing illnesses such as Alzheimer's is that the person may be unaware of his deficits and may go to great lengths to deny the progression of the illness. This is NOT because he refuses to accept it, rather the lack of awareness/insight is another symptom of the dementia.

He likely becomes angry because his errors make no sense to him and he may even believe YOU are wrong in pointing them out and/or that he made no error.

-------------------

If the game is for insignificant stakes, your friends "losses" are likely more than made up for by the beneficial effects of camaraderie and the need to exercise his brain in the course of the game.

It sounds like his wife is aware of this. Check in with her again, not to exclude him but to inform her of the likely costs. My guess is that she will say that the money lost is much less important than the social gathering itself.

Finally, again, be patient and remember that he is suffering perhaps one of the cruelest diseases known. Let him enjoy his friends and the game, which may be a beacon of "normalcy" in his life.

-Dr. Milo

[Bats]

[ QUOTE ]
He likely becomes angry because his errors make no sense to him and he may even believe YOU are wrong in pointing them out and/or that he made no error.

If the game is for insignificant stakes, your friends "losses" are likely more than made up for by the beneficial effects of camaraderie and the need to exercise his brain in the course of the game.It sounds like his wife is aware of this.
.... Let him enjoy his friends and the game, which may be a beacon of "normalcy" in his life.


[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for all the comments. This is a very tough problem, but the money is totally insignificant to him or us. For the time being we probably will keep playing as long as he can manage it without getting overtly belligerent (which I know from experience with an elderly relative happens to some people with Alzheimer's) Meanwhile, a few of us are trying to get another game going on a different night but keep the Friday game going.

[PLOlover]

[ QUOTE ]
One guy called Bill’s wife to try to get her to tell him he’s too old to play, but that went over like a lead balloon. All she did was go on about how much he enjoys getting together with his old friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

probably this is his only intellectually demanding task, so he probably doesn't realize he has cognitive problems, so if he went to the doctor there is a good chance he could get some sort of successful/semi-successful treatment, which would improve his overall quality of life, not just his poker game.

[bernie]

Wouldn't you likely have to tell him multiple times? Even then.

[ QUOTE ]
One guy called Bill’s wife to try to get her to tell him he’s too old to play, but that went over like a lead balloon.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's also not the reason.

Why not try and help him, if he's a friend, instead of just ignoring the problem? How would you like to be treated in this situation? Tell his wife what you guys have been seeing. Find out if she's experienced anything like that with him.

b

[sonneti]

So I'm laying in bed last night pondering random stuff and I thought of this thread... (I know sad or what lol) anyways what about getting a professional dealer in to run the game? You could let them know why they are there, have them announce loudly who the action is on, what the nut hand is etc.. either that or you could nominate someone to run the game each night. When it gets to Bill's turn tell him he done it 3 weeks ago [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[MadScientist]

Get a game going on another night, like it sounds like you are doing. Also, play less poker on Friday night. Watch a fight. Barbecue. Slowly phase in other activities that eventually could become Friday night or be switched to another night, like Sunday Barbecue. Then when he's coming to that, you can have Friday go back to a poker night without him.
Look, athletes have to eventually retire from their sports when age or injury catches up to him.
Poker is the same way. It is just much later in life that you have to give up competitive poker. Though there are a few phenomenal people who can stay clear all the way to the end.
If you do have to explain it to him. This seems like the most honest and least painful way to do it. He had a good run, but now it is time to retire and pick up something else as a hobby.