Pregnant GF

[jackdaniels]

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I'm certainly not the first to say this in the thread, but I'll reiterate for you. Sex is not a right, it is a responsibility. If a man is not ready for the responsibility (however remote) of being a father, perhaps he should exercise some self-control. I don't accept the notion that it is somehow NOT the man's responsibility, just because he is not biologically capable of carrying the baby himself.

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You make it sound like the only voluntary participant during sex is the man and the woman is just "keeping him happy".

1. Both parties are equally responsible for birth control.
2. Both parties should be equally responsible for the decision to have children or abort.

Unfortunately, our societal norms dictate that the woman and woman alone has the right to make that decision and the man MUST be financially responsible for the outcome of that decision over an 18 year period (<- this may not be an accurate number, I just used the age of majority).

If we were living during the dark ages where birth control was unavailable/unreliable and an abortion had a HUGE chance of killing/hurting the mother it would be a different issue.

If we were living in a society where the only reason for sexual intercourse was procreation it would be a different issue.

But we live in a society where birth control is reliabale and available. Abortions, while unpleasant, are no more complicated than a root canal. We have sex for fun WAYYYY more often than we have sex to procreate. Should it still be right to force a guy, who made no mistake here but was a victim of circumstance (condom broke, she forgot to take the pill - whatever), to support a family he neither planned nor wants? Why should the woman decide this for the two of them? Why shouldn't the default be: "Our intention while having sex was entertainment, not procreation, as such the default rule is to abort"?

I think that as a society we should really think this one through. There are enough unhappy relationships, single parent families and suffering children out there already, someone needs to stop the insanity!

[TheBronzer]

OP, you are so worried about your kid growing up in your crappy town, but how about this...

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For the first week after we figured out, it was pretty much business as usual. She only drank once, but we smoke daily. Now that she decided she wants it, she is giving up drinking, but will still continue to smoke daily . She has a friend who told us that pot isnt bad for a fetus (WTF?????).

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that is disgusting, it is seriously the worst and most idiotic thing I have ever heard...are you sure you want to marry this girl/have her be the mother of your child...wow...just wow

[PoppinFresh]

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Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

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"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"

Please, maybe his gf should think long and hard about the child and how hard it will be for the child to grow up with little or no support from the father. Even if support will be mandated by law, it will never be the kind of support he would provide voluntarily nor will even that be the kind of support he could provide if the child came 3-4 years down teh road - when they were BOTH READY FOR IT.

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You don't count on a girl aborting as some excuse to do whatever you want without consequences, it's a last resort decision that SHE makes.

Every man knows that if he has sex there is a chance he will become a father, if you can't handle the responsibilities that come along with that then don't have sex, plain and simple. It's disgusting that you're trying to make the girlfriend out to be some sort of villain here.

[jackdaniels]

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Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

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"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"

Please, maybe his gf should think long and hard about the child and how hard it will be for the child to grow up with little or no support from the father. Even if support will be mandated by law, it will never be the kind of support he would provide voluntarily nor will even that be the kind of support he could provide if the child came 3-4 years down teh road - when they were BOTH READY FOR IT.

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You don't count on a girl aborting as some excuse to do whatever you want without consequences, it's a last resort decision that SHE makes.

Every man knows that if he has sex there is a chance he will become a father, if you can't handle the responsibilities that come along with that then don't have sex, plain and simple. It's disgusting that you're trying to make the girlfriend out to be some sort of villain here.

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I suggest you read the rest of the thread or at least the rest of my posts. Let me know if you still feel that is my position.

[Bicycles_Biatch]

delt with the same thing a few years ago... come to CA on a "vacation"....

Put her on every rollarcoaster in SoCal...

If that doesnt cause a misscarriage... there are plenty of planned parenthood centers that can't wait to abort a baby [I mean fetus]

[HolyFimFed]

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Glad you asked. Here goes: you have definitely decided what you want to do. In fact, you decided before you were even faced with the actual event. You came here with your post for support of that decision and possibly some advice about how to convince your GF that you are right.

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I'm not exactly defending OP here, but a lot of what you said is BS. OP never indicated he came to OOT for support or approval.

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Of course he didn't say that. He asked for opinions/advice and I gave mine--perhaps I should have labeled it as such. Why do you think he came here with this? He's looking for an easy exit (again, MHO). If you found yourself in a critical life-choice situation, would you go to OOT for advice--and then follow it? But to OP's credit, he did seek assistance somewhere, and it may have provided him with some ideas for options that he had not yet considered. But, IMHO he had already decided that he was never going to accept more than the minimal, required amount of responsibility.

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IMHO at this point, this is 95% your GF's decision as she is the one who will have to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever it is. (But, as you said, that is subject for a different thread.) I think her family realizes this even if she does not.

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He has to live with the consequences just as much as the girl.

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Hardly. If they decide to abort, the girl will be the one to endure whatever consequences (feelings of guilt, distancing from relatives, etc) there are from that decision 1000X more than the OP.

If they decide to have the child, the girl will be affected infinitely more than OP as she will be the one raising it and providing the bulk of support (financial, emotional, shelter, day-to-day care, etc) even if the OP decides to kick in some child support. I can easily foresee the OP rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay child support since the GF broke her promise to have an abortion if she became pregnant (again, IMHO). Even if the OP pays child support, I can assure you it won't cover half the cost of rasing the child. I'm assuming the OP will bail if no abortion is forthcoming. Even if he stays, this situation has likely put a rift in their relationship that will never be healed.

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Gf just came back from the OBGYN and has pics of it now. 8 weeks 2 days and healthy.

She has now made it very clear that abortion and adoption are out of the question.

I have no [censored] clue what I'm going to do now...


Hey Tom, you seem to know a whole bunch about me - what comes next? TY for being so supportive btw.

[BillNye]

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She drank/smoked during the first trimester.

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Wow. Don't have kids please.

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Didn't ppl used to do this all the time back in the day?

[PoppinFresh]

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Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

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"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"

Please, maybe his gf should think long and hard about the child and how hard it will be for the child to grow up with little or no support from the father. Even if support will be mandated by law, it will never be the kind of support he would provide voluntarily nor will even that be the kind of support he could provide if the child came 3-4 years down teh road - when they were BOTH READY FOR IT.

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You don't count on a girl aborting as some excuse to do whatever you want without consequences, it's a last resort decision that SHE makes.

Every man knows that if he has sex there is a chance he will become a father, if you can't handle the responsibilities that come along with that then don't have sex, plain and simple. It's disgusting that you're trying to make the girlfriend out to be some sort of villain here.

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I suggest you read the rest of the thread or at least the rest of my posts. Let me know if you still feel that is my position.

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As near as I can tell your position seems to be that it shouldn't only be up to the woman whether she gets an abortion or not. And since it is and you disagree with this the OP should run. Anything you want to clear up?

[Maple Leafs]

Just a sidenote, I wouldn't worry about any damage from the drinking. Most women don't know they're pregnant until six weeks or so and continue to drink. You're unlikely to do major damage during the first eight weeks or so. Alcohol effects the brain, and the baby/fetus doesn't have much of a brain to damage at that point.

In addition, drinking after the first few weeks isn't advisable but is unlikely to cause a miscarriage. Almost all early miscarriages aren't "caused" by anything that the mother does (or doesn't do). They just happen.

If she's still smoking, though.... that's messed up.

[splashpot]

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IMHO at this point, this is 95% your GF's decision as she is the one who will have to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever it is. (But, as you said, that is subject for a different thread.) I think her family realizes this even if she does not.

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He has to live with the consequences just as much as the girl.

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Hardly. If they decide to abort, the girl will be the one to endure whatever consequences (feelings of guilt, distancing from relatives, etc) there are from that decision 1000X more than the OP.

If they decide to have the child, the girl will be affected infinitely more than OP as she will be the one raising it and providing the bulk of support (financial, emotional, shelter, day-to-day care, etc) even if the OP decides to kick in some child support. I can easily foresee the OP rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay child support since the GF broke her promise to have an abortion if she became pregnant (again, IMHO). Even if the OP pays child support, I can assure you it won't cover half the cost of rasing the child. I'm assuming the OP will bail if no abortion is forthcoming. Even if he stays, this situation has likely put a rift in their relationship that will never be healed.

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You seem to think that the guy has the option to bail while the girl does not. I just don't agree with your original sentiment that it should be 95% the girl's decision. In a perfect world, I believe it should be a 50%/50% decision. Obviously there has to be some sort of tiebreaker and society has decided that the girl gets the edge cause it's her body. I don't agree with that solution but I can't think of a better one. Saying that the guy gets almost no say is completely wrong IMO though.