Pregnant GF

[Homer]

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Congratulations Daddy!

Seriously, you played but thought there's never a chance you're gonna pay?

Stop thinking in any way she's betrayed you by following her natural instincts and the foundation she's grown up with, or wishing the kid somehow won't make it. Grow up.

Go read some sites about the emotional aftermath of abortion even when women were 100% that it's what they wanted. It's brutal.

While I understand this isn't the map you've laid out for yourself, these are the cards you've been dealt. That's life.

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The OP mentioned that his gf was on the pill, AND that they agreed to have an abortion should something like this happened. It seems to me that he was playing the cards he was dealt, and then somebody swapped his cards when he wasn't looking.

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By having sex he decided to play the hand. He just got sucked out on. Time to deal with the consequences should she decide to have the child. Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

[XxGodJrxX]

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how can you people tell him to "man up"?

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Life experience dude. Your f'in 22...

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And that is my point. If I were in this situation, you would be telling me to stop being so immature and have a child. I am 22! I obviously lack the life experience that would be necessary to effectively and maturely raise a child.

[Meech]

Perhaps go a step further.

You lack the maturity to have sex.

[HolyFimFed]

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Maybe I am younger than most of the posters replying in this thread, but I can see where the OP is coming from. I am personally 22 and about to go to law school starting this fall. If by some freak occurrence, a girl told me that she was pregnant with my child, I would NOT be willing to give up all my future plans and dreams in order to raise a child. Doing that would entail dropping out of law school, taking a crappy job instead, and basically giving up on my life.

Sure, having children may be the "best thing that ever happened to you", but wouldn't it be better if one has children when one can effectively raise them? Is it going to take away from your happiness to such a large degree if you DON'T have children in your early 20's instead of when you are more financially, and maturely, secure?

By the tone of OP's post, it is obvious that his town's culture is what is convincing his gf to have a kid that neither of them are mature enough to raise. I personally don't blame the OP for wanting to get out, want an abortion, or even suggesting that he leave her before she gives birth. When it comes down to giving up on his own life because his gf's friends and parents have convinced her that kids are fun, how can you people tell him to "man up"?

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Leaving before she gave birth crossed my mind - i'm scared [censored]-less right now so of course I'm at least going to have these thoughts. The more I consider it, the more I dont think this will happen.

If I was going to leave, I think the way I would have to do it would be - separate with her, make sure the child is going to be taken care of, etc. And get on the fast track out of this town. Disappearing and cutting off communication is not an option. But neither is 20 years of forced fatherhood.


I completely understand where the "man up" comments are coming from. I love this girl and we both got ourselves into this situation... But she did make it very clear to me from the beginning that she would get an abortion if the situation were to arise. If she were more honest about her desire to have children, I think the relationship would have ended long ago.


So I doubt I'll be "manning up" but I also doubt I'll be running away. Eventually there will be a happy medium.

It is becoming more and more clear to me that the two of us will not be together after the whole ordeal is over...nomatter what she decides.

I hope i can get over this emotional [censored] fast enough to go back to work...

[samjjones]

Holy - this very situation is why the term SIIHP was invented.

[TxSteve]

OP,

I agree with you that your life has taken a turn that many, many, many, many men fear.

I have been married for 3 years. I clearly remember a moment on my honeymoon...when I was reflecting on the fact that I was now married. Thinking about how wierd (but good) it felt.

And suddenly suddenly i thought "YES! I made it. I never had to deal with an unwanted pregnancy"

Sounds kind of stupid...but its true. I was always afraid that something like that might happen at an inopportune time and i breathed a huge sigh of relief that i had avoided it.

so i feel i can understand to some degree what you are feeling.

but you have to deal in reality now.

you can take 'miscarriage' off the table since that is totally beyond your control. if i'm remembering correctly from when we had a baby; 20% of women miscarry by 12 weeks. after 12, the chance drops considerably. if she's at 9..i wouldn't be counting on that.

having a baby at 22 certainly makes your life goals more challenging.

but plenty of people have children at an early age and go on to be successful and realize their dreams. it just takes planning and hard work.

as a side note; your posts here seem to primarily reflect your concerns about how this pregnancy affects you. that is reasonable to a degree....

but you've also got to consider it from your girlfriends side: dealing with her own dreams disappearing; her own plans gone awry; the man she loves uncertain of their future; etc.

then there's the 100% innocent child who is likely going to be brought into this world starting from a difficult position....a father full of resentment; a mother insecure, confused, lost and possibly alone?

i know and understand that to you; the way you are affected is most important....but try to also consider things from the other sides as well...


your dreams and goals can still be attained! they will just require a little more work

[HolyFimFed]

Btw - to the rest of you "man up" guys

Go find a young professional poker player

And tell him to keep calm and controlled and win a living for the next 7 months while his emotional, pregnant girlfriend is freaking out in the next room.

And tell him that if he doesnt succeed, not only will he be poor and miserable, but his girlfriend and child will as well.

"Manning up" might work for some factory worker who has no ambition in life, and is just going to eventually have kids anyway.

It is a much different story for me - no stable job, risky income, young, inexperienced, and needs to stay emotionally stable to even have a chance at making enough money to support 3 people.

I'm ok with putting my own financial future at risk. But when the consequences of my risky job effect other lives, it becomes much harder to concentrate.

[jackdaniels]

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Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

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"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"

Please, maybe his gf should think long and hard about the child and how hard it will be for the child to grow up with little or no support from the father. Even if support will be mandated by law, it will never be the kind of support he would provide voluntarily nor will even that be the kind of support he could provide if the child came 3-4 years down teh road - when they were BOTH READY FOR IT.

[Homer]

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Forget about the mother for a minute and think about another kid coming into the world without a father. Running would be seriously cruel.

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"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"

Please, maybe his gf should think long and hard about the child and how hard it will be for the child to grow up with little or no support from the father. Even if support will be mandated by law, it will never be the kind of support he would provide voluntarily nor will even that be the kind of support he could provide if the child came 3-4 years down teh road - when they were BOTH READY FOR IT.

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You're arguing something completely different, which is for an abortion. I'm saying IF she does not have an abortion, running would be wrong. Do you agree or disagree with that? Also, how many parents were you raised by?

[Kneel B4 Zod]

this OP terrifies me