Pregnant GF

[HolyFimFed]

Update...

After another conversation with her, she's even more against an abortion than I originally thought.

But apparently she was up all night praying for a miscarriage.

...

If I get any more confused I may pass out.

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While I understand this isn't the map you've laid out for yourself, these are the cards you've been dealt. That's life.

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I fold 68o preflop

[qdmcg]

To the above poster:

Does it not matter at all to you, that the OP and his GF had previously planned on getting an abortion if she were to get pregnant? OP might not have decided to have sex with her if she were unwilling to get an abortion.

I'm not saying that he should bail, but the fact that they had previously communicated their intentions should be considered here.

OP, I've been in your situation minus the pregnant GF (this doesn't sound much like your situation). I don't really know what I would have done if my GF "changed her mind" upon getting pregnant.

Good luck

[HolyFimFed]

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To the above poster:

Does it not matter at all to you, that the OP and his GF had previously planned on getting an abortion if she were to get pregnant? OP might not have decided to have sex with her if she were unwilling to get an abortion.

I'm not saying that he should bail, but the fact that they had previously communicated their intentions should be considered here.

OP, I've been in your situation minus the pregnant GF (this doesn't sound much like your situation). I don't really know what I would have done if my GF "changed her mind" upon getting pregnant.

Good luck

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Get a backup plan - wear a condom.

[XxGodJrxX]

Maybe I am younger than most of the posters replying in this thread, but I can see where the OP is coming from. I am personally 22 and about to go to law school starting this fall. If by some freak occurrence, a girl told me that she was pregnant with my child, I would NOT be willing to give up all my future plans and dreams in order to raise a child. Doing that would entail dropping out of law school, taking a crappy job instead, and basically giving up on my life.

Sure, having children may be the "best thing that ever happened to you", but wouldn't it be better if one has children when one can effectively raise them? Is it going to take away from your happiness to such a large degree if you DON'T have children in your early 20's instead of when you are more financially, and maturely, secure?

By the tone of OP's post, it is obvious that his town's culture is what is convincing his gf to have a kid that neither of them are mature enough to raise. I personally don't blame the OP for wanting to get out, want an abortion, or even suggesting that he leave her before she gives birth. When it comes down to giving up on his own life because his gf's friends and parents have convinced her that kids are fun, how can you people tell him to "man up"?

[jackdaniels]

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jack, it is her body, so it is her choice. However, when she has the kid, the kid has a father that becomes financially responsible for the kid. If you get a girl pregnant you can't honestly expect her to have an abortion or release you from your responsibility. That is not the way it works and it is not the way it should work.

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I know it isn't how things work, I disagree that this isn't how things SHOULD work.

This is really a tough situation to be in. On one side, the mistake was caused by both parties (as both have the responsibility for birth control). The "remedy", whether it is an abortion or the birth of a child, is solely in the hands of the female and this is what I am arguing to be a flaw in our societal norms.

Having children is much more than just bearing a fetus to term and "popping it out". There are years and years of responsibilites associated with this and anyone who takes it lightly will suffer the consequences. For most those consequences are literaly life changing and while I don't want to argue whether the change is a positive or a negative one (this, usually being in the eye of the beholder), it is definitley not the life one planned before pregnancy occured.

FWIW, I am 32, married (no kids yet, by choice) and have long despised this practice of forcing the biological father (and many times not necessarily the biological father, just the mothers partner) to be responsible finacially (can't be forced to be responsible emotionally) for the well being of the child when they didn't want it, can't afford it and have an easy and safe way to dispose of it.

I will make the argument that if women were put to the question of either being solely responsible for a child or aborting the fetus, there would be a SIGNIFICANT decrease in children being born to parents who are neither financially nor emotionally ready to care for them. Sure there would be a generation of single moms (who still think the old way is best) who would suffer, but there wouldn't be another one.

[Meech]

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how can you people tell him to "man up"?

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Life experience dude. Your f'in 22...

[XxGodJrxX]

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Congratulations Daddy!

Seriously, you played but thought there's never a chance you're gonna pay?

Stop thinking in any way she's betrayed you by following her natural instincts and the foundation she's grown up with, or wishing the kid somehow won't make it. Grow up.

Go read some sites about the emotional aftermath of abortion even when women were 100% that it's what they wanted. It's brutal.

While I understand this isn't the map you've laid out for yourself, these are the cards you've been dealt. That's life.

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The OP mentioned that his gf was on the pill, AND that they agreed to have an abortion should something like this happened. It seems to me that he was playing the cards he was dealt, and then somebody swapped his cards when he wasn't looking.

[adsman]

For all you younger OOTers out there, let OP's pain be a lesson to you. I find it fascinating that men are perfectly happy to let a woman take care of birth control. We're talking about the fact that they have to remember to take a pill every single day. If they forget just once then there could be trouble. Now, these are women we're talking about, right? I guess that all the women that you guys have met remember everything all the time, right? Right?

Wear a fecking condom, for the love of god.

[JackWilson]

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I'm disgusted by much of the advice in this thread. Anyone who runs in this situation is not a man and is a worthless human being (and dare I say, more "white trash" than her family could ever be). It's one thing to want her to have an abortion, but when she decides to have the kid you have to deal with it and start taking the steps to care for it. Being concerned that the child could be affected by drinking during the first trimester is reasonable. She should see a doctor if she hasn't yet.

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So it is OK for the girl to make a decision for OP that will affect him for the rest of his life and he should have NO say in it aside from trying to convince her it isn't a good idea?

If a contract signed by this girl to the effect that she was going to be the sole parent/hold sole financial responsibility for this child could be enforced in court, I would suggest that before running. If OP is faced with the decision to either run away (and NEVER look back) or be stuck as the father to an unwanted child, WAY BEFORE HE IS READY TO BE A PARENT, I say:

RUN, OP, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is sad is that it takes more proof of responsibility to get get a Blockbuster membership than it does to have children and there are people out there who think that getting pregnant (by mistake) should suddenly change the man/woman and make them responsible adults/parents.

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You're a sick [censored] and a disgusting human being. Now go drink some more jack.

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I don't drink.

Take a moment and think about this from a logical perspective, leaving emotions and cultural norms aside for a second. I may be wrong about this, but I would like to be convinced that I am rather than accept a societal norm that when you get a girl pregnant, she has all the power to decide if you will be a father for the rest of your life.

Can you give me a good reason why it is her decision (and hers ALONE)? Keeping in mind that her decision has ramifications for you, the potential father? Please don't tell me "it's her body, her choice" cause I am more than happy to allow her to make this choice FOR HERSELF if she is willing to release me from any financial/moral responsibility.

It is sad that there are so many children out there with parents who have no clue how to raise a child, rely on some form of social assistance in order to afford the expense of having children, force their parents (the grandparents of the baby) to help them raise the child (thus dashing the hopes and dreams of not only the prospective father, but also those of their parents, who, I remind you are DONE raising the kids they had).

Having kids is a responsibility, not a right. Anyone thinking they can have kids willy nilly will (and should!) face the hard times that come with this decision (especially if they don't have the financial means to make things "easier"). When young girls get pregnant (by mistake) I think the FIRST and PRIMARY consideration should be to abort the fetus, continue building your life, and having a child when you are financially, morally and emotionally ready for it. Being convinced by your family and friends that you should keep it (against the dictates of logic) is no more than crabs in a bucket, making sure not a single crab gets out by pulling those who manage to get to the top right back down to the bottom…

I hold firm in my recommendation to OP that he shoudl run fast and far, before the other crabs pull him down to the bottom of the bucket. If his girlfriend isn't capable of making the right decision (ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!), he shouldn't feel trapped in this cycle (which as he mentions, all his girlfriends friends/relatives are trapped in), he should make a new life for himself and never look back.

Convince me that I am wrong.

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I just wanted to say that I do agree with a lot of what you said. I think it's a douchebag move to just run, but this case is a bit different.

IMO in this type of situation if both people in a relationship agree that they do not want to have a child and they use measures like the pill to protect against pregnancy, for her to become pregnant and now suddenly want to keep it against OP's wishes is just as douchebag a move as the OP running away.

I don't agree with this thing of "manning up" at all. I don't think women should be punished for being the only gender being able to become pregnant and I think fathers should bear an equal responsibility, but in a situation like this she's got all the power. How's that fair? She gets to decide what happens to his life. If she doesn't want the baby, giving it up for adoption is an easy enough way out. If he doesn't want it, he can't do much can he? He'll have to pay for the baby. No choice whatsoever in the matter. How's that fair?

Not that I can't see both sides of the situation but everyone saying it's his responsibility to take care of the baby now, he has to get ready for fatherhood and stand by her and "man up" are a bit are indeed falling prey to a societal norm or perceived ethical responsibility.

[Meech]

Easy solutions to all your woes jack.

Monk
Priest
Castration

Problem solved.