onlide "dating:" interesting article

[Shadowrun]

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Nothing to add, but that article was a fascinating read.

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It really is an amazing article/story. One of my favorite parts was the ending.

"We spend much of our lives alone. Some cope with it better than others. The ones who don’t are primed and ready for victimhood. You have to learn to be with yourself, because if you don’t, there’s a whole world of drugs, booze and rotten people who will be your friend until you’ve been sucked dry"

[J-Mac]

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Just finished reading the story. It's well worth the read. That's some crazy stuff and it reinforces my take on internet "friendships" too.

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I find this post socially fascinating. One, that you posted in the thread, and then read the link four hours later. It belies both of our personalities that you chose to respond before reading the complete content of the post (it's indicative a complete confidence in the validity of one's ideas) and I would not conceive of posting before reading it. Additionally, your distrust of "internet friendships" is fascinating considering you have twenty-seven thousand posts on an internet message board, which, if they averaged a mere ten words apiece, would be the equivalent quantity of writing of two full novels.

Honestly not trying to be a dig, I sincerely find it, well, fascinating.

[MissT74]

Oops, I was going to respond without reading the article, but guess I better not.

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T
EDIT: I will say that I met my first husband online. Dated for 3 years, married for 5, still friends now.

[Blarg]

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Just finished reading the story. It's well worth the read. That's some crazy stuff and it reinforces my take on internet "friendships" too.

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I find this post socially fascinating. One, that you posted in the thread, and then read the link four hours later. It belies both of our personalities that you chose to respond before reading the complete content of the post (it's indicative a complete confidence in the validity of one's ideas) and I would not conceive of posting before reading it. Additionally, your distrust of "internet friendships" is fascinating considering you have twenty-seven thousand posts on an internet message board, which, if they averaged a mere ten words apiece, would be the equivalent quantity of writing of two full novels.

Honestly not trying to be a dig, I sincerely find it, well, fascinating.

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I didn't opine on the article, and did read the entirety of the post. I've already thought a lot about people's relationships on the internet and the issues DaveT raised. (I've been on forums since before most people had even heard of the internet.) And plenty about loneliness too.

I've known, sometimes in real life and sometimes just through the tubes, a lot of people who have screwed up their relationships because of what happens in the deceptive half-life of online, and others who have fantasized about doing it and given up all their waking hours to it, even quitting their jobs. So I wrote on the basis of what I know, not the particular article. Frankly a single article is very unlikely to have much effect on the way I look at these issues, because it's already old hat to me.

Also, I don't come to the forums to make friends, but for amusement. Sometimes that can be very friendly, and a lot of things can be shared, but that's not my main purpose. I wouldn't confuse online relationships with real ones, or value them equally. A friendship is a burden and a trust, and I don't think you're going to get a real one by casting your net this wide and shallow, and then making little to no effort to reel it back in. What you get is fine, though. It's just different, and despite any feelings stirred up, I try not to confuse the two. I've learned by watching others make that mistake.

[MissT74]

I consider myself pretty knowledgable about the online world. Both chat and forums. I have been an avid chatter and forum participator for the past 12 years. I have met many, many people online that I have also met in real person.

I feel that my experience, the 12+ years, gives me the insight and knowledge on getting the proper "feel" of anyone, any personality, that I've met online.

I've met and maintained many friendships from people I've met online. From my husband, to a boyfriend, to really REALLY good friends (I consider them "best" friends, but only a few) but on the flip side to kind of scary, a little weird, etc etc...I've just always made sure to be safe and follow the typical "meeting people from online" rules until I'm comfortable enough with them.

However, even having said all that, it does cause me concern and make me pause when I know that my daughter has a My Space page and is meeting (ie talking too) people from all over the country/world. As a mother, YIKES!

As a grown female, I was/am cool with it, for myself.

T

[Blarg]

Censored's disappearance, owing a lot of people money, is being discussed in another thread. He knew some of the people in real life, but perhaps not all of the ones he left owing money to. This kind of thing happens more than one would hope. I've known a bunch of guys who play female characters in MMORPG's, and guys keep trying to court them. Some of them even go so far as to form "relationships" with the guys, for profit or just as a gas. We used to regularly trap the egregious horndogs on a bulletin board I used to be on way back in the day, and punk them in front of the whole community while they thought their hot chats were private. The final revelation could really be something to see.

You don't really know who people are online or what they are up to, but they have every ability and incentive to make themselves whoever they think you'd like them to be. Identity is almost completely fluid. So are values, and even existence. That is, the person you think you know may not only not even exist, but may vanish instantly never to return. Perhaps volitionally; perhaps just because he got hit by a bus. Who knows? You never will. For me, it doesn't make for a strong incentive to let one's guard down. More toward live and let live, and if you want to say you are this or that, fine. I not only don't judge, except when you're being an arsehole, but don't even particularly care or place much weight in it. For all you know, your best friend on a board could be a terrible person in real life. Because, of course, though you may try to convince yourself of the contrary, you know nothing.

[Stagger_Lee]

Article is worth a read. These super-trolls amaze me.

On one hand these people are completely nuts, but they are also capable of sustaining the myth for very long period, navigating all sorts of difficulties that should either blow their cover or frustrate them into stopping. The perseverance is amazing. Their motives are insane.

Just on 10 years ago my wife joined an internet board for expectant mothers. This sort of board is set up based on the month you are expecting, so during a pregnancy these woman can discuss things with other woman who are at basically the same stage of their own pregnancies. Often this is important as the minor details that no-one else is interested in are intensely interesting for the people involved. Over the 9 months or so that the board exists a lot of the posters get very close and share a lot of intimate details. Gifts are exchanged around the world and tears and joys are shared together.

Inevitably, given the size of the groups, there will be some tragedy and things get very emotional. When someone loses their child it can be very difficult, particularly as other members commence celebrating births and posting birth stories etc.

One lady tragically loses twins. Not being privy to all the details I don't really know the lead up, but suffice to say that it was a moving, very sad experience for all involved. There have been miscarriages and complications, so the story was not unique, but it had an impact on the people concerned. After a bit of sleuthing it turns out that the expectant mother of twins was a troll who does this with some regularity. Not just turns up with a sob story to post - but takes the time to post daily with these women, providing advice and support, sharing in the community for months and months and then dropping a bombshell. Who the hell would do this? Why pick expectant mums to troll?

It was both a head shaker and an eye opener.

[ChipWrecked]

Quite a story.

The question in my mind is: Whose undies was Audrey being sent?

I would think they belonged either to whomever is married to Janna, or maybe Janna herself? Either way, Audrey was pretty desperate for love, or pheromones aren't all they're cracked up to be. Janna's husband couldn't be putting out Fabio-type romance novel cover pheromones, could he? Wouldn't a female recognize female pheromones?

Maybe Janna has a friend stashed out there who is almost as sick as herself.

[ChipWrecked]

As a separate post, I've seen Internet romances wreck two marriages firsthand. Internet is serious business.

I met my wife on the Internet...

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[katyseagull]

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As a separate post, I've seen Internet romances wreck two marriages firsthand. Internet is serious business.

I met my wife on the Internet...

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Was yours...er...did you...you know, marriage wrecking?