Lounge readers and listeners, need your help! - Page 2

daveT · #1 11-09-2007, 09:49 PM

I am done with the first two chapters, and I am stopping there. Sci Fi is not my first choice in reading, but I always attempt to give a book an honest chance.

Ironic that I demanded a written form, since I would have probably enjoyed it more if I was listening to it. There is a difference between spoken word and written word, and few writers can be good at both.

Despite owning an appreciation for Tad Williams, I believe in brevity. This book is over-explained, there is nothing left to my imagination. The constant referencing to the modern geography pulls me out of the world he is trying to create. I believe in getting to the point; I loathe cliff-hangers and extensive description. I feel like I could write in one concise page what the author wrote in 9.

I know that fur sizzles when it burns, or maybe I don't: maybe I want it to go up in a puff of smoke with a loud "poof!" The relationship between author and reader is that the author is a guide. He will show you the city, it is up to you to find what you like. The author has to trust the reader's imagination to stay with him.

The book would be better if there was a discovery of a problem, rather than explaining the problem out-right. I am not saying that this IS the problem, but as a reader, I am thinking that this is the problem in the future. With the over description, I feel like I am not going to find any further surprises in the book, and the last thing I want to do is wallow through a second over-description.

It is clear that this author is very intelligent. He is writing in the wrong medium, and he is not trained. Joining a writing class would help him -- he does have a "voice" that should be heard if it is focused in the right direction.

Runkmud · #2 11-09-2007, 10:22 PM

Wow, ok Dave, thanks for your opinion! I do agree that the first few chapters are a bit over descriptive, I do wish you had made it a bit further, as you didn't really make it far enough to figure out if it was sci fi. I do however understand that if a book turns you off in the first few chapters, you'll never make it to the meat of the story.

I appreciate your opinions and thankyou for giving them, I'll pass on to Lucian what you said, thanks again!

Enrique · #3 11-10-2007, 02:00 PM

Just finished chapters 6 and 7. They are the best so far. I liked the description about Dwayne's family a lot, and we also finally get to the action after all the set up. I am looking forward to the next two chapters.

Enrique · #4 11-10-2007, 02:05 PM

Dave give chapter 3 a chance, it has something happening in it. I think the Mayan-Spanish first interaction is worth the read.

Runkmud · #5 11-10-2007, 04:21 PM

Thanks Enrique! Glad to have a bit of positive feedback.

Glad you asked Dave to give it a bit more of a shot, as it might sound like groveling coming from me, but there is definitely more to the novel than just the first two chapters, and it's not all described so scientifically.

Enrique · #6 11-10-2007, 05:31 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Thanks Enrique! Glad to have a bit of positive feedback.

Glad you asked Dave to give it a bit more of a shot, as it might sound like groveling coming from me, but there is definitely more to the novel than just the first two chapters, and it's not all described so scientifically.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, chapter 6, gives us a glimpse of a family today, so that isn't very scientific, and I think it was well done.

But chapter 3 was specially cool to me because I love the Mayan civilization. It was cool to picture the Mayan priests in the temples. I was picturing all of this being done in Chichen Itza (since 1544 AD would be in an area close to Chichen Itza for the Mayas) and I could picture everything, although some images of Apocalypto also crept into my mind.

Enrique · #7 11-13-2007, 02:47 PM

Just finished chapters 8 and 9. I downloaded chapter 10 today. Looking forward to continuing to listen this. Chapter 9 was quite explicit and sad, but I agree with painting the Conquistadors as barbaric.

BPA234 · #8 11-26-2007, 10:07 PM

Sorry, I didn't know you uploaded the text until today. I am up to CH 4. So far, I think the story is interesting and BIG. I like it a lot and I am not a fan of the genre.

From a constructive criticism perspective, I have a few thoughts/opinions:

1. The overall form and style reminds me, in a way, of Michener; a good thing. I know some people may object to the style. But, if done well, I think it's great.

With that in mind, I think that the scientific descriptions and language could be even more elevated and involved. Almost seems like the author is holding back.

2. Ironically, the next point could be confused with the first suggestion. Some of the descriptions and are overly complex. This is not in relation to the subject matter. Rather, it relates to the sentence structure and the overload that, at times, occurs therein.

3. Editing. I think the story and writing could really use a solid pass by a good editor. There are small technique issues that detract from the story. For example, a simile with an NBA player has no place in the described setting.

With regard to editing the story, I think that a good editor could help tighten up the whole effort. With a story this deep and big, you really need an outside observer to help maintain focus, momentum and continuity.

I am looking forward to finishing.

Thanks!

Runkmud · #9 11-28-2007, 05:23 AM

Hey guys, thanks for the comments, today I showed Lucian the thread, and he asked me to thank all of you for your opinions and time.

[ QUOTE ]
I also heard the fact sheet, it mentioned some undisclosed location of the CIA. Did Lucian work at the CIA? How can he confirm something and not disclose it otherwise?

[/ QUOTE ]

When I pointed this question out to him Enrique, in typical Lucian fashion, he responded, "well the island isn't a secret to anyone, anymore." Which really doesn't answer your question at all. I know that Lucian works as a situation analyst for the military, and I know he has worked in the military, if he decides to share any more than that, it's up to him.

It's funny you mention chapter 11, Enrique, we had discussions at length that he wasn't satisfied with that chapter, and he's already rewritten quite a bit of it, as well as others.

BPA, thanks a ton for the constructive critism, he took it as a great compliment that you compared him to Michener, and has taken your advice to heart. He's already rewritten quite a bit of it, and is still in the process of rewriting more.

I'd like to thank all of you for your help. It's a ton of fun for me to be involved in watching the fruition of this novel. This is Lucian's first fictional work, and my first screenplay, so we're stumbling through the process, so far I'm very pleased with the results, but please keep the comments coming if you read or listen to more.