Rio: Would the real Scotty Nguyen please stand up?

[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

I promised myself I wouldn’t play outside of my bankroll anymore, yet here I was at the Rio, sitting at the high stakes table with Scotty Nguyen. It was a legendary night. My chips were stacked so high I could barely see over them. Only Scotty, sitting immediately to my right, had more cash in front of him than I did. He and I were downing Coronas all night long, laughing and having a good time. I was at first apprehensive about using 75% of my roll on one game, but I just had to sit at that table. After hextupling my original buy-in, my uneasiness turned to euphoria (I’m sure the 20 or so beers I had downed helped out some as well).

At about 1:30 AM, I’m on the button. The pot was raised by some donk in mid position. Scotty, licking his chops at the prospect of playing heads up with this player, says “I’ll call you, baby.” I’m next. Peek down at my hole cards. Two red aces. “I raise,” I announce. “You sure you wanna do that, baby?” Scotty asks. I make a substantial raise, it folds around to the donk, who says “One pro was good enough for me, I’m not going heads up against two superstars!” With the action back to Scotty, he reaches for chips, splashes the pot, and says “Let’s Gamble, baby.” Indeed.

I flopped quads. The ace was on the door, followed by his twin brother right behind. I couldn’t believe it. The third card was the 10 of clubs. Scotty says “Ooh, baby, good flop for your Ace-King, hahahah, I check to the bettor.” I bet a little more than half the pot. “Raise, baby,” Scotty said, and stuck in a big bet. Inside, I was doing jumping jacks, because I figure he’s got tens full or something. I Hollywood it for a bit and call. The turn card drops. Seven of clubs, now three clubs on board. “Ugly card for you, baby,” Scotty says, firing another big bet into the pot. I decided this was it, and moved in. At this point, a throng of two dozen or so people had crowded around the table to watch this enormous pot develop. “Ace-King, baby?” Scotty asks. “Ace-King is no good, baby.” After about two minutes of deliberation, Scotty calls and flips over KQ of clubs. “Quads!” I scream excitedly, dreaming about how long it would take me to stack the bounty of chips I was about to be shipped. The dealer counted out the pot, it turns out Scotty had me covered by a bit, but I didn’t really give a [censored] at this point. “I got an out, baby” Scotty said. The dealer burned and turned.

Jack of clubs. Royal.

I fell to my knees, exasperated. The on-lookers reacted in a mix of screams and gasps of amazement. Scotty, after celebrating for a bit, turned to me and said “That’s poker, baby. Here, let me get you a Corona.” He grabbed a beer off the waitresses’ tray and handed it to me. I was in shock.

I walked to the bathroom, where I sat in a stall and cried. I can’t believe I’d done it again. Just days earlier, I had built my roll up to its highest point ever (albeit by illegal means) and now here I was, my roll hitting rock bottom. I composed myself and left the stall. “Get it together, man,” I said. I went over to the sink and started washing my face. Suddenly, there he was. Gold chains bouncing, mullet flowing in the wind, brandishing a Corona in his right arm. “Ooh, baby. Tough beat, baby. Quads, baby,” he said, washing his hands. “Yeah, tough beat,” I said in agreement.
I then grabbed Scotty by the neck, all 137 pounds of him, and bashed his head into the stall door multiple times. He was unconscious. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. But now I knew what I had to do next. I had to get my roll back.

I stuffed Scotty in a stall and locked the door. Running upstairs, I bought some scissors and scotch tape. Back in the stall, I cut off Scotty’s greasy mullet and taped it to the back of my head. Putting his hat, sunglasses, leather jacket, and gold chains on as well. “I’m Scotty Nguyen, baby,” I said to myself in the mirror. “I’m Scotty Nguyen.”

I walked back over to the table. People were still buzzing over the Royal vs. Quads hand. I went over to Scotty’s chips and started putting them in racks.

“Scotty, you’re all done?” one of the players at the table asked.
“No more pokers for me tonight, baby” I said back.
“Can I at least get an autograph before you go?” another asked.
“Not tonight, baby. Next time, baby,” I responded, frantically filling racks with $100 chips.

I could feel the entire table watching me. I started to sweat, and fumble with the chips out of nervousness.

“Wait a minute,” the dealer said. “You’re not Scotty Nguyen, you’re the guy who had Quads!”
I laughed nervously, still stacking chips. “Baby, you crazy. I’m Scotty Nguyen baby. Call me and it’s all over, hahahaha.” I threw the dealer a $100 chip. “Tip for you, baby, you a funny guy.”

Suddenly, the real Scotty emerged from the bathroom, bloody and dazed.

“Floor!” the dealer screamed. I frantically grabbed the last of the chips and ran off. The scotch-taped mullet fell off behind me. I knew I had no time to go to a cage. I found a cab and screamed at the driver “McCarran International Airport! Now!”

I called my poker confidante, told him to meet me at the airport ASAP. Said he was playing some Omaha at the Bellagio and was on a good run, but I told him this was far more important.

Getting to the airport, I booked a last minute ticket in first class for a flight to New York City, leaving in an hour.

When my poker confidante arrived, I explained the situation, told him he’d have to take the Rio chips and cash them in for me, and wire the money to me on the East Coast.

“What are you gonna do next?” he asked me.
“Come on man,” I said with a smile. “You can find me check-raising stupid tourists at the Taj.”
We shook hands and parted ways.

I had a seat by the window on the flight and watched the lights of the strip below, wondering if it would be the last time I’d ever see them. The woman next to me, noticing my ragged appearance, asked “Bad trip?”

I turned towards her with a smile and said “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?” I put on my shades and took a sip from my mimosa. It was gonna be a long flight.

[Karak567]

wow this one is long!

[Jiggymike]

ZOMG A+ for this one. I didn't like the part where you got violent but you really spiced it up this time. I REALLY loled at you dressing up like Scotty and going back to the table. However your "stealing chips/money" shtick is getting kind of old.

[JohnAndersen]

I think I'm getting bored of these

[JohnAndersen]

albeit I do appreciate the effort

[kniper]

Hmmm... pretty good, but the hand is kinda unbelievable. I give it B+

[JohnAndersen]

there needs to be some better segways to the next story, cliffhanger?

[Kevroc]

this was my fave so far bro

mullet in the wind... in the bathroom! LOL LOL

[Split Suit]

had the hand been different, i wud have given this an A+ (i hate the quads/royal nonsense)

A- tho...great job puttin on the wig

[so sick bro]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I'm getting bored of these

[/ QUOTE ]

how can you not like a story where he beats/scalps scotty nguyen and then walks around the rio like buffalo bill dressed in scotty's clothes/hair and again makes off with the loot. genius baby