What will make you happy?

[James282]

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Here's some food for thought: I realize now that when I was under 25, I often confused having fun with happiness.

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Wow. This forum rocks already - this thought really struck a chord with me.

James

[Los Feliz Slim]

Yeti,

Great subject, something I've thought about a lot at different points in my life. I'm about to turn 34, have a successful career, a loving wife, a beautiful daughter, and I still feel something missing. More money would be great, because more money would mean more time to be with my daughter. I'd also be happier if I was doing something more socially redeeming. Moving to a small town would be nice, because I'd like my daughter to have an upbringing more similar to my own, rather than the unrecognizable "childhood" Los Angeles offers her.

My love for my wife and child has definitely brought me more fulfillment than anything else in my life (especially my daughter, it's an entirely different ballpark). I'm a pretty selfish guy, but if it would benefit my daughter I would sacrifice everything. To see her happy is a moment of pure bliss, like nothing else I've experienced.

I guess my definition of "happy" is very close to "content", and I thus wonder and doubt whether I'll ever truly get there. This seems like both a negative and a positive. I wish I could stop and smell the roses, but I'm pretty sure that if I ever do I'll get really bored and cause more trouble for myself.

[4_2_it]

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I think for me, the only way I'll ever find true and total happiness is to find peace with the fact that someday I will die. No matter how great my life has been up to this point there is always the fact in the back of my mind that none of it really matters cuz at some point I will cease to exist, and that unsettles me so much that I cant be truly content with anything I have or where Im at.

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Strange. My mortality is what makes me content in life. No one wants to die, but each of us will face it. I will probably meet it 20 or so years before most here. Sometimes at night I think about it and it makes me melancholy. The thing that makes me the saddest is knowing that my kids will one day die as well. I hope that both of my daughters get to experience everything in life that their hearts desire (within reason of course). If I can set them on that path then I will be content.

I guess my words of wisdom would be to enjoy life and strive to confront death with the fact that you have lived a life worth living.

[mntbikr15]

I have the "perfect girl"...I have a townhouse(albiet with a mortgage)...My gf and I have an awesome Siberian Husky...I have nice toys...and I take nice vacations...Im 21, all of this has come from poker.

However some things I would change to make me happier...
-My "job", I dont enjoy poker anymore. Im currently pursueing a few things which would hopefully make me very comfortable financially.
-My "house"...its fine for the moment, but I want a nice house in the mountains with lots of land and trails out my backdoor.
-This will happen when I stop playing...but I need to be more productive...poker takes away from the active side of my life(although Im still most likely more active then most of this forum)

I guess the thing that will make my happiest is when I can stop playing poker and not worry about money.

I have all these things...but I have very little saved..this fact alone takes away from my happiness, actually it is more the knowledge that I SHOULD have more saved. Those that know me are aware of my problem with "taking shots". Ive blown close to a quarter mil this year in games I shouldnt be in. Factor in the few times Ive made something in those games and maybe the number is more like 150-200...but still.

They say money doesnt buy happiness...however I think the knowledge that you had enough of it to live well and do what you wished with the rest of your life would go a long way to achieving happiness. Add in that perfect girl, a family, and some activities you love and I think youre almost there.

-Evan

Edit- I have an article I would love to post...but is a little long for a reply. It deals with happiness....at least in some form. If an approved poster would like to start the thread PM me and Ill send it to you.

[gumpzilla]

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But the more I talk to friends the more I realise that everyone seems almost anxious about the future and the uncertainty of whether they will be happy. Someone just told me he is happy now, but wonders if he will ever be REALLY happy until he marries that perfect girl.

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Relentless pursuit of perfection, while good for many things, seems terrible to me for relationships. This is a pretty solid way to ensure that you don't become happy.

It's a good question you're asking, and without trying to sound snotty or like I have all the answers (I'm only 26), I think that it's pretty much the fundamental question of growing up. It's something you need to figure out for yourself.

[nath]

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Here's some food for thought: I realize now that when I was under 25, I often confused having fun with happiness.

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Agreed. Now that I'm 25, I try to have fun to mask

I don't really know what will make me happy, but in my experience, love is the only thing that really matters-- and yes, real love with the right woman for me is the ideal goal. But I haven't found her yet, and the ones I've invested in have turned out to be more pain and heartache than they were worth. Even the good moments don't drown that out. So I keep looking, despite the frustration and the continual feeling that I'm not that good at the chase, that I'll sabotage myself along the way.

My job is lonely, but I've met good people through it, and it's usually fun and makes me a ridiculous amount of money, especially comparable to anything else I could be doing right now. So I'm grateful for that. At the same time, I fear I'm not doing enough with the outside world, and my social skills and ability to meet people, as well as my outside interests, are eroding as a result.

Of course, complicated with the fall I had a year ago means for me, not only have I yet to truly regain my old strength and health and zest for life, but that I may never really feel like myself again. It's hard to be happy with lingering memories of original bones, teeth, and a face that fit together properly. Hard to meet new people with that layer of self-consciousness about it and the doubts that accompany it.

I live fine, and I'm pretty comfortable, but I don't think I'm happy, yet. Is there any such thing as a permanent happiness, though? Or is it only something that comes fleeting, in moments?

[NT!]

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I think for me, the only way I'll ever find true and total happiness is to find peace with the fact that someday I will die. No matter how great my life has been up to this point there is always the fact in the back of my mind that none of it really matters cuz at some point I will cease to exist, and that unsettles me so much that I cant be truly content with anything I have or where Im at.

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Yeah, basically. Alobar wasn't joking when he said we share a brain.

But I am generally pretty happy with my life right now. I have a great relationship with someone who understands my values, accepts me for who I am and shares some of my important goals. I'm going to school for a career that I know from work experience is one I'm interested in pursuing for a long time.

I think you're onto one thing for sure, Yeti; the whole PUA attitude about women is FUBAR. I see nothing wrong with keeping your options open until a little later in life. But treating women the way some of these guys do is indicative of a lot of fear, alienation and insecurity in my opinion. Most people with this approach to women need not fear getting locked into a long-term relationship, because they'd never make one work anyway.

What makes you happy is mostly influenced by what values you were raised with and how your relationship is with your childhood and your parents. For some people that means being happy is going to be really tough. I had a pretty bad childhood in some ways, and it makes it harder for me to accept certain things or be happy, but in general I'm pretty lucky that I came up with some good ideas about what's important in the world and was able to apply them to my life.

[Howard Treesong]

My children bring me vast joy, for their affection is unalloyed.

From a career perspective, I've had a few extraordinarily intense experiences where a team of people worked very, very hard to get a particular result. It creates a very strange espirit de corps that is quite memorable; and in that context, I've done some things professionally that I never thought I could do (or, more properly, feared I could not do).

The sense of satisfaction that comes from doing a job I enjoy, and doing it well, doesn't rest on compliments from others, but rather on my own sense of a job well done. That sense of satisfaction makes me happy.

If you can, find a job you enjoy doing. Money alone is no substitute for time.

[kidcolin]

4_2_it,

I second James. That's an awesome statement, and one that took me some time to realize.

In my post-pubescent life, there have only been a few stretches of TRUE happiness (I'm 24). Most notably, from the start of my junior year of college until the start of my senior year. I had broken up with my gf a few months earlier. Something just clicked. I didn't care about girls much. I had an awesome roommate. All my best friends lived 2 houses down the road. I absolutely slaughtered school that year. I got involved in some awesome volunteering programs. I spent a perfect summer in Boston. I still vividly recall my mindset during that time. Unclouded, focused, optimistic, fascinated... it was really great. Eventually a new girl entered the picture, stuff didn't work out, some other bad breaks, and it disappeared. That doesn't mean deep, dark, depression, but I know I'm not nearly as stoked on life as I was during that year.


Now I live alone in a city I don't like so much without any friends, and I need to change that. I think my previous experiences with happiness has helped keep my head up here. Knowing what makes me happy, knowing in what way that isn't being achieved, makes it easier to cope and be optimistic, rather than that deep isolated feeling so many young 20-somethings feel.

I think my experience with happiness reflects Claunchy's statement. I had a good outlook, I was growing, I was successful, and I was surrounded by all my favorite people. There's a little luck involved in that, but it's sweet when it clicks like that.

[guids]

Im pretty lucky, Ive always been pretty happy, I guess ignorance is bliss, dunno. Only thing though, my brother just had a baby. Him and his girlfriend, and my niece I love them, I see them with the baby and its awesome. So lately Ive been having the feeling that...hrm...maybe that would be cool, maybe I should settle down, find a girl, then I get a little listless about things, for some reason, becuase I dont have that.......




then the baby starts to cry, or needs changing, etc, and it snaps me back into reality, and I think WTF!, I cant handle that yet.