trip report: county jail

[mbillie1]

I don't wanna get into all the nitty gritty... basically some old warrants from 4 years ago that I thought were resolved weren't. Spent <24hrs in county jail recently. I am a mess, but in plain clothes. Since I was going to post bail, it was not required to rock the jumpsuit or go sit in a cell. I basically sat in intake for 7-8 hours and watched the endless ESPN coverage of Michael Vick.

I hadn't actually ever been to jail before although I had been arrested before. It was much less awful than I expected. The first thing I was asked--even before my name and anything--was whether I wanted some breakfast. The two CO's I dealt with principally were very cool. I couldn't make the jail collect-call to a cell phone (which I needed to do) so they let me use their desk phone. I didn't eat breakfast and I fell asleep a lot on the chairs I was sitting on (I was exhausted, again long story) and a couple times they had to wake me up to get fingerprints, give me my prisoner ID band, etc.

The other inmates were pretty cool. One dude asked what I was there for (Misdemeanor A, CPCS 7th Degree) and then told me "Don't take the six-three, just tell them you'll do your time." (The "six-three" is six months in jail, three years probation... apparently 8 months in jail and no probation is the alternative, which does seem much better). Nobody really said much to me despite the fact that I was clearly the new guy. The same dude told me "Remember, when people in here talk sh*t, it's just that: talking sh*t. Don't get yourself into any trouble in here, it'll just keep you here longer. Just let people talk and mind your own business, you'll be fine." This was pretty reassuring even though I wasn't gonna be there long. I appreciated it.

Lunch was pretty gross. The CO's ate pizza covered in toppings with ice-cold 20oz bottles of pepsi. I would've been angry/jealous except that they were so much cooler to me than I expected. Maybe they're so used to dealing with problematic people that a quiet, polite and falling-asleep 24 year old is a welcome break, whatever. I almost asked them for a slice, but thought better of it. Rather not push my luck. I got a paper bag with a kiddie-sized milk carton, a bag of some sort of indeterminate variety of potato chips and 2 sandwiches/2 cookies. The sandwiches were brown bread with 2 slices of american cheese in between them. They looked pretty nasty so I made a friend and gave them to some other dude who was hungry. The potato chips were gross, I ate one and then threw the rest out. I drank the milk.

When I got released (I got bailed out lol) it was pretty sweet. They really just buzz a door open and you walk out into the parking lot. If I had just finished a sentence or something, like I could've just wandered off (if nobody was picking me up).

A lot of the inmates were "regulars". Two different people who got brought into the intake area were greeted by genuinely warm "hey, Ray!" or "hey Lisa!" responses from the CO's.

So I didn't do any hard time. I didn't even spend the night (the night before I had spent handcuffed to a metal pipe in a police station... THAT sucked and those phony-ass university cops were a-holes about the whole ordeal) but I figured it was worth mentioning. I don't feel any more badass or cool, but it was an experience at any rate.