Behind closed doors

theblitz · #1 10-14-2007, 02:22 PM

Amazing how you can never know what actually happens behind closed doors. Other families all seem so perfect when you see them yet things are quite often completely different.

A couple of examples of what I mean:

1. We had a couple in our "village" who seemed to be the idyllic couple. They would go out on walks together every evening and were always together. I have known them for nearly 30 years.
Then one day we hear that she has taken out a restraining order against him. Turns out he has been beating her up ever since they got married! This had gone on for 20 years until the older kids had enough and went to the Police.

2. Another case that just broke. One of upstanding members of the community is getting divorced. Seems that his wife has had a lover for over 2 years. Happens. However, in this case the husband knew about it all the time - it was ot s secret between them. The kids also knew and even some of their friends (my daughter included). The guy was like a second father.
Nevertheless, she continued to live at home with her husband. He wanted to keep the family together.

Can anyone explain it to me because it is totally beyond me how he didn't kick her out.

katyseagull · #2 10-14-2007, 02:40 PM

It's pretty weird. There was a story in our local news a few months back about some wife who shot her husband while he was lying in bed. She claimed he was emotionally abusive to the whole family and a jerk and had threatened to kill the kids. The rest of their friends and his family don't buy this story. They were the picture perfect family. No one had observed any fighting and apparently she was very happy acting.

Her family said that she hid it very well, behind closed doors. Her teenage daughter is standing by her mom and has written that her dad was a total jerk who was mentally abusive. But no one quite believes it.

katyseagull · #3 10-14-2007, 04:06 PM

Blitz, when I first saw this thread I thought you were going to ask each of us to tell what goes on behind our closed doors. I was thinking wow kind of forward but could be interesting. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

As to your question why do people stay I would imagine it's because most parents want to provide their kids with stability and a whole family. They are willing to sacrifice their own happiness for their children's.

theblitz · #4 10-14-2007, 04:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
As to your question why do people stay I would imagine it's because most parents want to provide their kids with stability and a whole family. They are willing to sacrifice their own happiness for their children's.

[/ QUOTE ]
But kinda weird when the mum says to the daughter "David (or whatever the lover's name is) isn't pleased with your bf".

Blarg · #5 10-14-2007, 04:44 PM

People tend to come to degrading circumstances by slow degrees.

entertainme · #6 10-15-2007, 01:23 PM

For me it all comes down to our understanding of human nature.

Most want to believe that people are basically good. I don't buy it.

Most people want to "appear" to be good, which is an entirely different thing.

If you believe that failure and selfishness is built into who we are from birth, the world becomes easier to understand.

Also, I don't feel this is a negative or pessimistic way to view the world. I can still choose to love mankind in spite of our flaws.

Because of this, I'm very rarely surprised when I hear the worst about anyone. I don't put anyone on a pedestal. We are all capable of both the worst and the best mankind has to offer.

Blarg · #7 10-15-2007, 02:14 PM

I feel the same way. It's a truer love anyway, by far, to love people despite their flaws, not because you imagine they don't have any. A pedestal is a painful place to fall down from and an uncomfortable place to stand anyway. It can be brittle and unforgiving to always believe the best of people and expect it.

I agree that understanding this makes the world vastly easier to understand, too. As detectives say, "Follow the money."