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#21
10-17-2006, 12:29 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
Poincaraux,
my condolences. my family's recently gone through two similar situations. my sister-in-law lost her baby minutes after he was born and my cousin in law lost his wife (but the baby's doing fine now). If i can offer one nugget of advice it would be to just be there for your wife, but don't neglect your own needs. my SIL not only had to deal with the loss, but also the thought that her body killed her baby. my wife spent a lot of time with her and I think she now has come to terms with it and, at least, doesn't think that anymore. be there for your wife, and allow her to be there for you. 
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#22
10-17-2006, 12:34 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
As an obstetrician, this type of tragedy is unfortunately something that I have seen a handful of times. The term stillbirth rate in this country is about 2-4/1000 live births and I have done about 2000 deliveries.
Each one has affected me deeply, and I have never in my life sobbed as shamelessly as I have with the families with whom I have shared this ordeal. After a 40+ week stillbirth during my 3rd year of residency, I was so deeply troubled that I spent my last year of residency preparing my senior research project on the concept of routine induction of labor at 39 weeks. My idea was that if we (obstetricians) all induced labor routinely at 39 weeks, we would never see a stillbirth at 40 weeks. The arguments against such an approach are flimsy when confronted with the published literature on the safety of routine induction at term. Most obstetricians do not routinely induce labor at 39 weeks at this time, but I offer it to all of my patients. This is not a comment on what should or shouldn't be done, rather it is an example of how profoundly the experience of a 40 week stillbirth has affected me personally. Poincaraux, your post is an elegant portraiture of a unique type of pain. Please allow me to print it on suitable stationary and avail it my patients who experience pregnancy losses. It will help them. It will help me take care of them. Warm regards, Irieguy
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#23
10-17-2006, 12:37 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
Very sorry for your loss. Im not very emotional and in reading your story i felt something overcome me that is speechless. I grieve for you both and us guys are always considered to be the stronger in a relationship. How is your wife doing and please keep a wathfull eye on her and her emotions.
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#27
10-17-2006, 12:55 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
[ QUOTE ] After a 40+ week stillbirth during my 3rd year of residency, I was so deeply troubled that I spent my last year of residency preparing my senior research project on the concept of routine induction of labor at 39 weeks. [/ QUOTE ] Having not been through the process yet, is there something about 40 weeks that makes the stillbirth rate slightly higher? poincaraux: along with everybody else, I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and touched by your post. I have no experience with these matters. It sounds like you've got a good crowd around you to help you with the process, but it also sounds like many of them are at a loss as to how to proceed. In your position, I would probably consider finding some kind of professional counselor to work through some of these issues. Dealing through whatever guilt and/or blame you or your wife subconsciously associate with this experience, and openly working through all of this stuff now, seems likely to pay dividends for the long term. Best of luck getting through this, and I hope you find success on the children front when the time is right.
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#29
10-17-2006, 01:06 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
I'm sorry this happened to you.
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#30
10-17-2006, 01:09 AM
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Re: Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)
Hey man,
My condolences for your loss. Reading your post reminded me of something I read on ESPN2, of all places, at the beginning of this year. David Fleming, a very good writer, wrote a book about the experience of his son's stillbirth called Noah's Rainbow and they posted a chapter on the site. Not just your similar loss, but his writing style and the feelings he express seem much like yours. The fact that you can write about your experience makes me feel like you are coping with it and not letting it destroy you.
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