TR: Pergo paints town red, makes out with married chick, bangs swinger

pergesu · #1 08-26-2007, 06:30 AM

(wow this got long. sorry.)

So I moved to SF about a month ago. I really haven't had a chance to go out since I've been so busy apartment hunting (with no luck). Until tonight.

Tonight, like last time, was super [censored] weird. But in a very fun kind of way.

We go to North Beach or Pacifica or some [censored] (I'd been drinking since 6, we left at 10, I was already pretty drunk). Apparently there are 5 or 6 strip clubs in this area. Cool. I like strip clubs.

We go to one club (roaring 20s I think) and it's alright...don't know how many of you have been to SF strip clubs, but it's definitely NOT a Vegas vibe. It's kind of like a mellowed out Seattle. Anyway there's some chick dancing and I really don't feel like getting up from my seat so I tell my friend to give her a buck. He was arguing for a bit and then a woman comes up behind me and says, "do you want to give that girl a tip?" I say yeah, give her the buck, let her go up there. But the girl had stopped dancing and the woman says it's "too late."

She's there with her boyfriend, who is a cool dude...they hadn't been there in like three weeks (SOOO LOOOOOOONG!!!) and were just having fun. I told them I just moved here from Vegas (total lie, but wanted to make the point that I know strip clubs) and they seem kind of impressed. They decide they're going to find the perfect girl for me. Cool, I like these people.

Two songs later a chick is about to come on stage and the woman is like, "this is the one for you." We had been talking for a bit and it turns out she has the same name as my aunt, which is weird, but I tell her she "couldn't be more than 24" (she's obviously 37+). Anyway she says the girl about to come on stage is the one I want, and sure enough she dances super sexy. Also she had this femme fatale thing going on which was wicked hot. I don't care how much better Vegas is in general than SF, this girl could dance. Not like super stunner moves I guess but definitely a lot more than what I expected.

So I'm going to give that girl a couple bucks, and the woman says "act shy like you've never done this before." So I go up to the girl kind of timidly, hold out a few dollars like I don't quite know what to do. She pulls out her string and tells me to ship the money. Then she put both her legs over my shoulders and started gyrating. Hot. Yeah this older woman knew what I needed.

After this chick got done dancing she went over to the couple I had been talking to. They chatted for a bit and seemed really friendly. A few minutes later she comes over to me, and while I thought she was sexy she had a black tooth. Like super black tooth that I couldn't get over. So I wanted a dance until I saw her up close, and she told me how she was a bit older and had been doing this for 11 years. I think she felt compelled to tell me this because I was flirting with the other woman, and apparently they were friends, and she learned that I currently have a thing for older chicks.

Anyway, dancer chick is goading me on saying [censored] like, "you're scared, aren't you?" and I tell her I'm really just not feelin it. I kind of want to give her like $600 to fix her black tooth, then I can take a 15% cut of whatever she makes after that. Cause god knows she'd rake in.

So dancer chick leaves and I start talking to this older woman again. Like I said I had introduced myself to her (obvious) boyfriend. Basically I totally wanted to convey that I was out having a good time, and there's no way I would try to bang his girlfriend.

Then it turns out they both wanted me to.

We talked for a bit and she told me how hot I was. I'm not really, to tell you the truth. And she mentioned how she had "played" with the dancer chick a couple of times. I sort of laughed and said, "so wait you guys are swingers?" to which she replied with a very serious "yes." I'm pretty mystified, as I've never actually met anyone from this subculture, so I ask a bunch of questions and she happily humors me.

While we're talking some random chick comes and sits on my lap. This goes on for a couple minutes, and then first older chick comes over and starts grinding on me too Random girl says, "Your boyfriend hates this, huh?." I'm like wtf (cause I'm straight ldo) and she points over at my coworker, who I went out with tonight, and informs me that he's my bf. Apparently he said that we were together. And this chick liked it. She started making out with me, we're in the very front row. A few minutes in a bouncer comes up to me and says that I need to go. I'm like, "dude wtf, I didn't do anything. I was chilling and she came up to me." But he kept talking to me instead of her, and I got up and tried to offer him $40 to just stfu. At that point he thought I was a cop apparently (wtf?!) and told me I really had to leave.

Whatever, I leave with my friend, and the three married chicks tag along. Oh yeah, the girl who randomly sat on my lap was married. She was out with her married girlfriends. One was blonde and super hot, but definitely wasn't having any of this. The other was sort of butchish looking. Cool, but yo definitely wouldn't poke her.

Married girl in question was really hot. Like I really wanted to do her from the get go. She kept touching my dick and saying, "god you're so gay, I can't feel anything! I wish you were straight!" At some point she told me she had been staring at my lip ring all night and she really wanted to kiss me. So we started making out for a bit.

Some time passes with the five of us together. I go into some club and decide it's [censored]. I come out and the married girl is looking for me. At this point I "confess" that I'm straight and that my coworker was just [censored] with them, because he's engaged and isn't allowed to have them so he thinks it's better to pretend we're gay together. Big mistake coming clean, because married chick immediately loses interest in me. I'm pretty sure she thought I was a total [censored] and that she could give me my first womanly experience. Which I would love, because she was dead [censored] sexy. But no joy.

Married girls leave and I head back to the first strip club. I'm in there a couple minutes and I see the first older chick rubbing some dude's chest. He was a lot hotter than me, probably like 6'1" and muscular. In comparison I'm 5'7" and chubby. But I see her and her bf and wave and she immediately jumps up off the guy, grabs my arm and pulls me down. She's rubbing on me and asking if I found a girl I liked tonight. I said, "you know I really haven't found one that's good for me yet." "I'm the perfect girl for you." Okay, she's not perfect, but I thought she was sexy from minute 1 so cool. We chat a bit and she suggest we go somewhere more private. Then she says, "my boyfriend can give it to you real good." "Um, I'm 100% straight. I don't care if he watches or whatever, but I am having no boy sex tonight." "Okay haha actually I was just checking" and she grabs my hand and takes me outside. BF follows.

obv she wasn't joking about having her bf rail me but I wasn't interested in that so whatever

I ask her where I'm going and she says she knows a good motel not far away. It's like a 5 minute cab right and it really is a skeezy ass motel. Probably a bunch of crack heads, and pergo getting laid. She had a key already (um, guess they had planned on all of this? lol) and we went to a room. room 142. This has no relevance but whatever, it's cool.

So we get in the room and she threw me down on the bed. She took of her shirt and let her [censored] show. She wasn't like chubby really, but she was "bigger" in the way that 40 year old chicks are. You know what I mean. Still thought she was super sexy though. So she takes her shirt off and starts rubbing her [censored] in my face. Then she unzipped my pants and started rubbing me and [censored]. Finally she gets started with a [censored] and holy [censored] is it good. Deep throated like a champ, plus she like stuck her tongue down my pee slit, which I thought would be gross but [censored] it felt good.

Her bf had started "touching" himself in the corner. Yes I'm not kidding.

So she's like, "okay it's time for me to get some [censored]" and obv we start getting it on. She lays down on the bed, but I grabbed her by the hips and turned her over which apparently she thought was hot. I've never had sex with a girl doggy style like this before, she was gyrating her hips like crazy. I kind of almost died of it being so sexy.

We went doggy for a little bit and then she stopped, got up, and threw me on my back. I don't know how to describe how she rode me because I assure you the words haven't been invented. It was [censored] amazing. It really wasn't long before I told her I was about to come, and she hopped off, tore the condom off and stuffed my dick in her mouth. She kept going until I busted and she totally slurped it down. Holy [censored] that was hot.

After we were done it was pretty uneventful. The dude got off basically the same time as me (which made me realize just how [censored] weird all of this was), and she was like, "well, that was hot, thanks." It was clear that it was time to go. So they hailed a cab and gave me $6 to get back to the strip club.

I went to the club and sat front row again. One girl was surprisingly very sexy and I told her to come find me. She gave me the standard, "I just danced, let me clean up first" but she never came back. wtf. Then this tall blonde came on stage, and while I don't usually like tall blondes (weird I know) she was super [censored] sexy. She had been sort of standing around the stage for like a half hour looking really bummed out so I just assumed she'd be bad. But like I said she was amazingly sexy. As she was walking off the stage I told her I wanted a dance. She again gave me the "let me clean up" bit, but she showed up five minutes later.

Takes me up to the VIP room and says it's "20 for a bikini dance, 40 for topless, 60 for all nude." I say how about I give you 60, you do it topless but go a bit longer than usual.

So we get in the room and she informs me that it's "4 for 1" and would I like all four dances. I say no, please just give me the 2 (which is what the DJ announced) and call it good. Obv kidding, and we joke about it for a bit. She was super sexy on stage and so I wanted to give her a shot, she turned out to be awesome. Though at one point one bouncer walked by and we heard him say, "if she's not getting any tips then kick her the [censored] out" and I said, "wow, tough biz huh?" She said yeah, started lamenting about it, and then I say, "but you don't have any problems." She's like, "what, are you talking [censored] about my stutter and the fact that I walk with a limp?" She was serious too. I didn't notice those things too much, because she was 5'11", super slender with nice [censored], and plat blonde. But I can't believe she said that. She danced for me for about 15 minutes. It's good to play the good boy card, not touching her, because she started taking everything off, said, "I won't bite" and grabbed my hands and had her rub her all over. We joked a bit more about her calling the bouncers on me, which made her just make me touch more, and over all we had a good time.

Towards the end she asked someone outside if it was the last song. They said no and she started to dance again. Then he said, "actually wait yeah we're done" and she told me she had to stop. I said she still owed me one, and she told me she'd give me two free ones next time for good measure.

Then we went home, and here I am.

So tonight was a totally [censored] up, totally strange series of events. Lots of fun though. I was approached by swingers, then the woman and a married chick sat on my lap, getting me kicked out. Married chick and I made out for a bit, until she found out I was straight, and that was the end of that. Found swinger chick again and went to skeezy hotel where I [censored] her while BF jerked it. Back to club, found a super sexy stunner who apparently had enough self esteem issues to tell me she had a stutter and limp (again, wtf?!) but I get some free dances next time if she makes good.

All in all a super strange night. But very fun. I don't know if this is the norm for SF, and I def don't want it every night, but I'm totally down for a night of super crazy fun every once in a while.