Funny and/or Effective Quips to Problem Players

[dave88]

"Shut up, man!" repeated as needed, by a player, not the dealer. esp if it is a hand I am involved in. I am a pretty friendly guy so no real aggression, just persistence.

[canvasbck]

Slightly off topic, but I had a buddy who was tilting away in a local cardroom. After he had dumped his fourth buy in, I tossed him a $1 chip and asked if he minded running down to the store and get me a lottery ticket. He gave me a funny "WTF" look. I told him after he bought it to call the 800 number on the back. (GA hotline)

[Ramon Scott]

I just use the "Shhhh!!!, don't read the board." Over and over again until it is obviously so redundant, the players will usually start in on the player as well.

Also for "I've been playing cards longer than you've been alive," the obvious retort for me is... "Well, then if anybody knows that you don't read the board aloud, it should be you, sir."

[bearwiredpair]

To a guy who is constantly tossing his chips into the pot to the point where one always rolls to the otherside of the table...

Dealer "Please Sir, flat side down"