Problem with husband of friend - need advice please

[DMC0627]

I am a single middle aged divorced woman who has been friends with a married couple for almost 2 years. I hang out with both of them together, or go out with her alone to movies, shopping, etc. Last night, I called and her husband, Steve, answered the phone. He said, hey, we are having wine and got a movie, want to come over.

I went, she wasn't there, he said she ran out to get some stuff and would be back soon. I had a glass of wine, and then he came up behind me and started rubbing my back. I immediately thought, WTF?

I tried to make a joke of it, like save that for your wife, she'll be right back. He leaned in and kissed my neck and replied, "no, she won't, she is away overnight". WTF again. I said, ok, I am tired anyway, I am gonna just leave. I figured he had starting drinking way before me and was drunk and would never act this way if he wasn't.

Then, he got very aggressive, blocked the door, etc. I was of course, freaked out, and he grabbed my arm so hard I actually have a bruise there today. I ended up kneeing him in his balls, and leaving. 2 years of friendship and he pulls this? I was upset all night, couldn't sleep.

Today, my phone rings and its him. I assume he is gonna apologize, and that he is mortified about his behavior and will chalk it up to having too much to drink. His call basically consisted of "if you tell my wife, she will never believe you". I told him that I was considering telling her either way. Then, he told me if I said anything, I would be "extremely sorry".

What to do here? I feel some obligation to tell her, whether she believes me or not. Gotta admit though, I think she will believe him, he is her husband after all. He said he is going to tell her that I knew she was out of town and came over and made a pass at him if I say anything. Bottom line, I am kind of afraid of him, I didn't like the sound of "extremely sorry". He sounded pretty dead serious.

Just now, she left a message for me to call back to see if I want to get together. I don't know what to do. Then, it occurred to me that you guys give pretty good advice. Help needed please.

[skunkworks]

I would bake her a cake. On top of the cake I would write in frosting "btw ur husband tried to rape me lolz"

Sometimes a little sugar coating is all that's needed. GL.

[niss]

O/U is 7 posts before "Steve" makes an appearance in this thread.

[traz]

tell the wife, knee him in the balls twice if you ever see him again

[bisonbison]

Did you call him from your cell? From a landline? Did he call you back on a cell?

It's much easier if you can show her a record of the two calls and the bruise right away .

Also, record any further calls.

[Brad1970]

File a police report against him.

[kipin]

[ QUOTE ]
tell the wife, knee him in the balls twice if you ever see him again

[/ QUOTE ]

OP,

His play is a move of desperation. He will curl up into the fetal position as soon as you let the wife know.

[AbreuTime]

Whoa, serious post. I feel compelled respond. My instincts tell me 3 things:

1) your relationship with the female will probably be over
2) you need to let her know the truth, without passing judgment on her or insinuating she should react in a particular way
3) you need to make sure you are safe

As for 3, hopefully others will have some ideas. I would probably do something like email the husband to let him know you have alerted authorities about his actions, and if you are harmed then everything will point to him. Then inform the wife what happened, with the full expectation that the friendship with her will probably end. "I dont expect you to believe me, but this is what happened. I'm sorry for the pain this will cause, and I will be there if you need me."

EDIT: Phone records will corrobrate your version of events, but dont throw them at her right away. The important thing to consider is her feelings/safety.

[Alobar]

wow, thats messed up

how important is your friendship with her?

You are kinda damned if you do and damned if you dont. I would never hang around with him, or with her when he is around, but this will obviously look weird to her and she will ask about it, in which case you are forced to tell her, or just have her assume what her husband says is true, either way shes likely to stop being your friend.

Id prolly call him and tell him in no uncertain terms (or write him an email if thats easier) that what he did hurt you, it ruined the friendship that you two had, that you will no longer be in the same room with him, and that you refuse to feel threatened by him. If he wants to pull that "youll be sorry"[censored] and you wanna play the same game, just tell him if he ever threatens you again or even jokes about it, you will call the police and tell them that he raped you that night. Make sure and point out how great him having to deal with the repercussions of that investigation will be on his marriage and his personal life and reputation . Then depending on how good a friend she is, id prolly tell her and deal with the consequences of her decision of who to believe, which likely wont be you, but there isnt anything you can do about it.

There is also the option of calling him on the phone and recording the convosation so that you have proof to give his wife, should you decide to tell her.

edited to add: I would tell him id tell the police he raped me, but I wouldnt actually do it. Its just like his bluff of hurting you, all he has to do is believe you might do it and it should scare him enough to leave you alone. If he tried to call my bluff, then id call the police and make them aware of the situation and have a restraining order put on him

[4_2_it]

Let the wife know and never associate with him again. If you believe his threats then of course call the cops.