What will make you happy?

[HDPM]

I agree that simply having a kid isn't the magic formula for happiness. At least in our case we could envision living life happily without kids. It is better with the kid.

[Dids]

Grunching this thread.

I'm a little older than most, and a little different, because I'm probably less well off financially that most:

-I'm not a big winner at poker, 10k ish lifetime, all of which has been spent on toys or paying down dept.

-I work a pretty mundane supervisor job that pays me around 40K a year.

I don't want or need money to be happy thought.

The things I need. Are pretty much 1- comfort 2- friends 3- health 4-family.

I've got 1 and 2, I'm working on 3, and I have 4 in terms of my folks and sister, but obviously that extends also to a desire to have a wife and kids, and that's the thing that I don't have. Give me that, and I'm probably reasonably content pretty much where I'm at.

[The X-Factor]

Behind every good man there is a woman.

[4_2_it]

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Behind every good man there is a woman.

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I usually prefer my woman in front of me in a variety of positions, but to each his own.

[TheFaucet]

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I have been happy for almost my entire life.

In high school i was just kinda average, not that great with girls and certainly not incredibly popular. I hated school, i was mildly annoyed with my parents most of the time and had--well lets make that still have--no idea what i want(ed) for the future. Yet, through all these things i was still definately happy, i really liked life and i just took life for what is was and was happy with it.

Now a days i am taking a year off of college to play poker professionally as i have made several hundred thousand dollars playing poker. I travel the world and have an almost sureal life that i can hardly believe sometimes. Yet, i am still just as happy as i was when i was an unexceptional high school kid. I still take pleasure in alot of simple things like just walking somewhere in the morning, i still derive happiness from most of the same things. All the things that my money has bought me/allowed me to do don't bring me all that much more happiness--except for maybe traveling.

So basically i think i have a personality that is cut out for being happy. I don't ever stress about anything (which is what makes me good at poker) and i just feel happy most of the time. I think often people spend their entire lives searching for something to make them happy: the girl on the pedestal, an amazing job or alot of money to name a few. When really its better to be happy with what you have; regardless of what that might be.

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Perhaps some are not as fortunate as you, whether it be their environment or their temperament. Do you think you would be happy if you were black and lived in poverty in the ghetto and the only way to make money was selling dope?

[ViolentGandhi]

To really find out what makes me happy, I've been trying to analyze my behavior (though this is really really difficult) to try and understand what brings me joy. When I didn't have a girlfriend, I always thought having a girlfriend was what I was missing and that would truly make me happy. After being in a relationship for about 3 months I remember a distinct moment where I told myself "I have a girlfriend. I'm in a relationship, but I'm still unhappy."

Then I thought making money would make me happy. I bared down and focused on poker and quickly made more money than I'd ever had (not much to other people though). I then realized once again, I was not happy. I started drinking a lot - at first I thought I was drinking to have fun and enjoy things, but now that I look back I think I was drinking to not be bored, not be unhappy. I'd drink everyday and then crash and then repeat the cycle.

After reading a couple of psychology books and some NLP books, I've realized what makes me happy. It kinda saddens me when I realize what makes me happy, but I have to be objective about analyzing myself. I think the only way I can really be happy is for other people (male/female) to desire my company. I really feel happy when people want to hang out with me, when people recognize me (kind of like a celebrity ). Partying and having fun only goes so far. It seems like a very shallow way of living life - not caring about whether the people that desire my company are phonies or not - but I think this is what I desire. I want to be envied, but not because of money, but because of who I am. And I've realized that because of this overwhelming desire I've become a weaker person - I'm very passive, not at all argumentative and very non-confrontational and as a result, a lot of people take advantage of me.

I think as you get older, you start to get a better idea of what you really want. For now, I've started taking pleasure in really small things - like cooking a meal for 5 people and when they thank me for the food/compliment the food - I feel really good.

These seem like trivial examples, but to be honest, the concept of happiness is ever-elusive. If you think any one thing will make you happy - you're wrong. Once you've achieved a certain thing, as most humans do - we take it for granted and then look for something else.

[DeezNuts]

Currently reading "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse" by Gregg Easterbrook, who writes the column Tuesday Morning Quarterback on ESPN.com(best weekly football article out there).

I'm only a few pages into it, but it seems to be closely related to the topic and I expect it to be very good. Will follow with any interesting points found within.

DN

[tdarko]

"pretty deep question, not sure if anyone really knows. my wife is a psychologist and her institution was part of a study of buddhist monks. these dudes are incredibly happy. some of their brainscans make it look like they are constantly in a state of bliss. what they do is meditate on what is good in life and sorta just tell themselves they are happy/content. they train their brain to be happy. its also called cognitive behavioral therapy it think. not sure because hearing my wife yap about it all day pisses me off...lol.

personally, freedom makes me happy. pretty much everything in my life is geared towards being able to say fuq you to whomever i want, except my wife which causes me alot of angst at times."

There are two ways an actor can cry on cue. First they can think about something sad, something that makes them feel this emotion that they need to get out and if they truly zero in on this emotion long enough and block out all outside distractions they can make themselves cry. But if one distraction interrupts they will lose focus and the moment will break. What actors do is they frown, contort their eyes and make a sad face. The face you are making at the moment is actually sending signals to your brain telling you that is how you are feeling. So if you "act/look" sad you can cry more easily.

Same with smiling. Smiling makes you happy even if you aren't, its neurological.

[Borodog]

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My wife is my best friend.

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This simple sentence says about 2 million things at once and each is so important. Take it from a geezer, Borodog hit the nail on the head.

-Zeno

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A question for the guys whos wife is thier best friend:

were you best friends before you got mariied or had sex or both?

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We were getting there, yes. It wasn't really a chicken or the egg kind of thing. Both aspects of our relationship developed at the same time.

[adsman]

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I really feel happy when people want to hang out with me, when people recognize me (kind of like a celebrity ). Partying and having fun only goes so far. It seems like a very shallow way of living life - not caring about whether the people that desire my company are phonies or not - but I think this is what I desire. I want to be envied, but not because of money, but because of who I am. And I've realized that because of this overwhelming desire I've become a weaker person - I'm very passive, not at all argumentative and very non-confrontational and as a result, a lot of people take advantage of me.

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It's good that you recognize that this behavior isn't acceptable in the long term. If you are dependent on the good opinion of other people for your personal sense of well being then you basically have no personal power. You are subject to their good disposition and helpless in the face of any mood swings they may have. This is not a good situation to be in.

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I think as you get older, you start to get a better idea of what you really want. For now, I've started taking pleasure in really small things - like cooking a meal for 5 people and when they thank me for the food/compliment the food - I feel really good.


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And if they don't thank you or don't compliment the food, what then? Do you feel bad? You see how powerless this behavior is? Do you think if El Diablo, to take a common example, cooks for five people, do you think he's going to be hanging on the edge of his seat waiting for their praise? I think not. I think he'd be fine either way.