BBV and Poetry

[joel2006]

Gild, was that really neecessary? He only did it so I could know what word he was referring to. It was part of a legitimate etymological discussion.

[LetsHugItOut]

At a mall in Bangkok,
Spotted Swedish beauties.
Though I didn't know them,
Vowed to touch their booties.
On the elevator,
Just before I buttons pressed,
I ran my arm along
The stoned one’s supple breast.
When the elevator opened,
I let someone disembark
And from my new position
Cupped the other’s bottom’s arc.
My floor is coming soon
And I haven’t had my fill.
I’m done playing games.
Time to go in for the kill.
I drop to me knees,
Run my arm up their thighs!
Right thumb gets lost
But left thumb strikes the prize!
Elevator opens,
I roll out ninja-spry
And hear the tall girls screaming
As I go to find Pad Thai.

[Chump Change]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I appreciate the effort since qualified (honest) feedback is hard to find.

[/ QUOTE ]

YO CAN I GET A WUT WUT I AINT POSTING FOR MY HEALTH HERE

[/ QUOTE ]

WUT WUT? Not sure exactly what you want, $.50 maybe? BTW, given that you aren't part of the target audience, it is probably apropo that 'Girl, I wanna secks up poems' bore U. I would also disagree that the poem lacks substance, it has a very clear theme (I wanna secks u up), it aint deep or profound, but wasn't intended to be.

[/ QUOTE ]

No money is neccessary, but you were handing out thanks and having circle jerks so I says to myself I says, hey, what about me?
You seemed to be unclear about the other fellow's criticism and I attempted to make it more clear and concise. I am just the messenger.

P.S. "ain't deep and profound" and "lacks substance" are synonyms.

[joel2006]

[ QUOTE ]

P.S. "ain't deep and profound" and "lacks substance" are synonyms.

[/ QUOTE ]

CC Baby, in poetry there are no synonyms. When people say a poem 'lacks substance' they often mean that it lacks a theme, not that the theme isn't profound, since most aren't. Few of the themes of Shakespeare's Sonnets are very profound, but that doesn't stop them from being great poems. And if we were to start critisizing poems for having style and not being profound, most of the poetry in the English language would be in trouble. I just thot that particular comment was a little weird, given that I stated up front what the purpose of the poem was, so folks are complaining that the poems does exactly what I intended for it to do. It's not like I claimed to have written a masterpiece or was trying to write about my deep and undying love. BTW, Sorry for not inviting u into the 'circle'

[Chump Change]

[ QUOTE ]
most of the poetry in the English language would be in trouble.

[/ QUOTE ]

Man, if the shoe fits.

But hey, like I said, it's all good, it was decent, solid for what it was. I was just the mediator.

[Georgia Avenue]

joel,

nice pome for its purpose. The image of your hands "hiking" the "thigh-highway" is distracting since hands dont do that...why not something like:

"smoothing the creamy batter
of your thighs
and kneading the rough ridges
of your pancake butt"

Then the harsh outdoor images of the first few lines contrast with the indoor home-style metaphor, plus shes a fatty so you know she likes food references.

Then the ending could be:

from the soft wide shore
Of your forehead
to the warm beach of your feet
I'm going to
pee on you.

I'll run it by my old teacher John Hollander...if he'll sleep with me, you know some Borgota babe will go for it...You'll have her shakin like Stephen Dunn!

--GA

[Triumph36]

[ QUOTE ]
At a mall in Bangkok,
Spotted Swedish beauties.
Though I didn't know them,
Vowed to touch their booties.
On the elevator,
Just before I buttons pressed,
I ran my arm along
The stoned one’s supple breast.
When the elevator opened,
I let someone disembark
And from my new position
Cupped the other’s bottom’s arc.
My floor is coming soon
And I haven’t had my fill.
I’m done playing games.
Time to go in for the kill.
I drop to me knees,
Run my arm up their thighs!
Right thumb gets lost
But left thumb strikes the prize!
Elevator opens,
I roll out ninja-spry
And hear the tall girls screaming
As I go to find Pad Thai.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think anyone recognized this gem quite yet. I imagine this is a KKF gimmick account but it's still damn good.

[joel2006]

[ QUOTE ]


I'll run it by my old teacher John Hollander...if he'll sleep with me, you know some Borgota babe will go for it...You'll have her shakin like Stephen Dunn!

--GA

[/ QUOTE ]

The idea of old ass John sleeping with anybody is as nasty as it comes. And I don't get the Dunn reference, does he suffer from tremors or something? Also the waitress isn't fat, not sure where that idea came from.

[Georgia Avenue]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


I'll run it by my old teacher John Hollander...if he'll sleep with me, you know some Borgota babe will go for it...You'll have her shakin like Stephen Dunn!

--GA

[/ QUOTE ]

The idea of old ass John sleeping with anybody is as nasty as it comes. And I don't get the Dunn reference, does he suffer from tremors or something? Also the waitress isn't fat, not sure where that idea came from.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes he has Parkinsons, it was a horrible joke.
I thought you said she had fat legs? I am a fan of such wimmins.
Are you in school for poems or out or autodidactic? Monty Cantsin is the BBV Poet Laureate but we should form a Grand Counsel of Poemememts and have HU Triolet Contests for Rolls.

[Neville Flynn]

[ QUOTE ]
At a mall in Bangkok,
Spotted Swedish beauties.
Though I didn't know them,
Vowed to touch their booties.
On the elevator,
Just before I buttons pressed,
I ran my arm along
The stoned one’s supple breast.
When the elevator opened,
I let someone disembark
And from my new position
Cupped the other’s bottom’s arc.
My floor is coming soon
And I haven’t had my fill.
I’m done playing games.
Time to go in for the kill.
I drop to me knees,
Run my arm up their thighs!
Right thumb gets lost
But left thumb strikes the prize!
Elevator opens,
I roll out ninja-spry
And hear the tall girls screaming
As I go to find Pad Thai.

[/ QUOTE ]

omg, gold.