Is this behavior acceptable in a relationship?

[RainDog]

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IMO, unacceptable. 3 years is serious. You're "partners". Saying "you can't come to this party" is terrible. If my partner said that to me, I'd be like WTF WHY?. She has a right to be mad imo

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Seriously?

Are you telling me that you invite yourself to every social gathering that your partner attends? Or is there a certain point reached in every relationship after which your invitation is assumed for everything your partner does?

This is how I envision it:
You: "Can I come with you tonight?"
Partner: "Sorry schmoopie, it's wednesday night with my coworkers"
You: "WTF WHY?"
Partner: "I think it's okay for us to do things seperately"
You: "F THAT, why do you think they call it 'partners'? Give me 1 good reason."
Partner: "My reason is that I'd rather you didn't come."
You: "That's not a reason"

etc. etc.

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No, I wouldn't invite myself. But I'd expect an open invitation to anything like the OP is talking about. Girl's night out, more formal functions etc etc are different situations. But a party with a bunch of new friends? Thats an automatic invitation. Whether I want to go or not is irrelevant.

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There's the kind of people that need to feel invited everywhere and the kind of people that don't. The sort that do feel this need may certainly have trust issues, but there really isn't anything wrong with either sort of person as long as both "partners" share similar feelings about the matter. This is one of the biggest concerns in long term relationships. You can be one way, the other, or somewhere in between. Just don't expect people to change in these regards. If one of you is type "a" and the other is type "z" way over at the opposite end of the spectrum then don't count on this as a long term relationship. It won't work.

Sometimes it sucks not to be invited. Heck, my roommate doesn't invite me to his frat parties most of the time, because he knows that it's not my scene and I'll probably get drunk and start [censored] with people. In any event, he's right...it's not my scene. I may want to go anyways, have a few beers, and hit on some girls...but I understand.

Now if a girlfriend of mine wants to go out to a party without me it's a little different, but in most cases it's fine. Just as long as I don't feel like she's embarassed of me or if it would be dangerous for her to be out alone or any crap like that. If it's a matter of me not trusting her, then fine, she can't trust me either. I'll just consider us FBs or whatever.

In a relationship, I'm thinking about the other all the time (Are they ok? Are they having fun? Do they want a drink?) and it can be relief and should be understood that I need to be able to go out alone and be myself sometimes. I know it isn't a prerequisite that I have to constantly be attending the needs of my significant other when we go out together. After all, I try to date people that are capable of having fun with out being a hanger-on all night (while a happy medium of hanging is certainly acceptable). Still, if we are out together, it is inevitable that they are going to be on my mind at all times.

People should be able to tell their "partner" that they want to go out alone from time to time. Given, of course, it's not something that the other is really interested and excited about doing (and they can't use the excuse that they are always interested and excited to go with you).

As a last resort, you could try to convince your girlfriend to have a girls night out that coincides with your dance parties. Or you could just come out of the closet.

My 2 cents

[JTrout]

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Ash:

Isn't there a specific move or series of moves that you can do to express your displeasure with her? She would then respond with some moves of her own, and the two of you will have opened a dialog.

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thanks for the laugh!

[esad]

Man I'm on a roll today. From a previous post, Ash says he lives in LA.

Well, here's the Culture Shock LA Homepage

Plus a cool vid of the LA troupe doing their thang Video

Which one is Ash?

[tuq]

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I can't believe no one has dropped the standard bomb yet ... where is tuq anyways?

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Goddammit, I only just NOW found this thread. WTF? I feel like that guy who plays the same Powerball numbers for years and then the one time he doesn't do it the jackpot hits. I wish someone had PM'ed me about this. Argh.

[morphball]

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Her behavior is not acceptable. If she will not let you do things without her, then that is a huge red flag.

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Wait a sec, do you mean to say it's acceptable for him to say to his girlfriend that he doesn't want her to come to a party with his new "friends"???


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Completely acceptable. Please respond with a detailed answer supporting your point of view.

PS - For your reference, my point of view is: "it is entirely acceptable for one member of a couple to attend a social gathering without inviting the other."

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I don't know if I can respond in detail, since I am not good at writing about feely stuff such as relationships, since I am not a girl. (No diss to the ladies intended...) I just know that if my girl friend started wanting to go places with new "friends" and specifically said she didn't want me to come I would freak the [censored] out. I assume she would do the same, and I don't think I could blame her.

My g/f and I do stuff separately all the time, but we never say I don't want you to be there.

Hope that's enough detail for you.

[MuresanForMVP]

It just boggles the mind that he has such a hot girlfriend. I see this trash all the time and it makes me so angry: ultra-douches (the man is in a hip-hop dance troupe for god's sakes) like AsH gettin hot pussy. Don't these chicks see that they're dating a guy who's consistently below-average at life? Does she know that he posted a picture of himself flexing his "muscles" for an internet forum? UGH, what is wrong with this world?
But maybe I'm wrong, after all, AsH must be an individual who, through the power or music and dance, cultivates self-worth, dignity and respect for all people...