Microfolks in Vegas

[sarsen]

The story of the side bets over the area code is great.

nh.

[unit63]

Calling a hand "sexy" is Esfandiari-esque and hence -EV.

That said, I wish I had a shirt that said "Antonio Esfandiari's vagina is weird."

[valence]

[ QUOTE ]
Calling a hand "sexy" is Esfandiari-esque and hence -EV.

That said, I wish I had a shirt that said "Antonio Esfandiari's vagina is weird."

[/ QUOTE ]

create it and people will buy it.

I know I will.

[Slim Pickens]

[ QUOTE ]
I need to break from the narrative momentarily to elucidate what a giant fashion disaster i am.

[/ QUOTE ]

This can only be accomplished through a picture.

[shadow.]

oh wow what a tragedy that this hread got bumped during my ineberation!

i hope that everyone that has talked [censored] to me shows up to vegas...cuz i am ready to throw back and put down...whatever that means

read my poems!!!!!!!!!!

check out my personal thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Wetdog]

Re-hijack

So is anyone else going to be in Vegas? I'll be there July 12-18. Got a super cheap Frontier fare and room at the Trop.

Just got a 2nd mortgage so there's lots of room on the credit cards.

Definitely a -EV play.

[IronDragon1]

[ QUOTE ]


Just got a 2nd mortgage so there's lots of room on the credit cards.


[/ QUOTE ]

[tyler_cracker]

Tonight is Ignignokt's last night in town, so i call him after i get done with work. He is at MGM. I head over.

Ignig's flight is at 10, and the table is pretty good, so i go to get on the list. I sign up for 2/4, 3/6, 4/8, the 4/8 Omaha 8 interest list, and ask to start an interest list for HORSE. I've never managed to get a game going, but hope springs eternal.

A 2/4 seat opens first, so i take it. I quickly learn that tonight is going to be all about losing the minimum. I pick up QJo in a blind. Flop is AQJ; i play it fast. Turn brings the third [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], river brings a K, and i fold to a river donk and call. Donker shows T5o (with no [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]s). Two hands later, KTo turns a straight, the river pairs the board, and i lose to a flopped set/rivered boat that didn't throw in a raise until the river.

As i marvel at how awesome 2/4 is, an early-20s guy at the 4/8 table (which is next to my 2/4 table) is going on and on about how straight-laced people from Minnesota are. He is from Minnesota and he is straight-laced, he announces. He does not announce that he is quite drunk, but he doesn't need to, even to those of us sitting 20 yards away from him. Radly, he is wearing a shirt that looks like one of those dot pattern things they use to test for color blindness (example) which says "[censored] THE COLOR BLIND" in red against a field of green.

I get called for 4/8, take a seat to Ignignokt's left, and immediately request a seat change button. Having position on Ignig is nice, but isolating Drunken Minnesotan is clearly the nuts.

DM is betting and raising a lot, but also doing things like showing his trip 7s on the turn before his opponent can act. Ignig and i find him hilarious; others at the table are annoyed because he takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to act. Seat 10 has taken to calling "Clock!" every time the action is on DM.

DM gets into a huge pot with the guy in seat 4, named Jason. Jason calls 4bets preflop with J3o and turns a J-high straight. When it gets to showdown, DM starts sarcastically, but non-belligerently, berating Jason: "You must be really good at poker to play J3o like that, Jason. You had to know the straight was coming. Didn't Phil Hellmuth write a book about how to play J3o? You're wasting your time playing 4/8." I crack up for a while, but DM *keeps going* for about 5 more hands.

Finally, the dealer says, "Sir, you're going to have to stop bashing the other players." DM, predictably, does not stop, and the dealer calls the floor. Floor asks DM to step away from the table for a chat. DM refuses. Floor directs dealer to deal around DM. DM now agrees to chat. They walk away.

Play continues for a while. Jason continues to call multiple bets preflop with any two suited and hits a lot of flushes and trashy 2pair hands. Every time Jason donks a 3flush board, i turn to Ignignokt and proclaim, "Poker is awesome."

DM and the floor have finished their conversation, and the floor watches as DM racks up, laughing indulgently as DM continues spouting nonsense. "They're kicking me out because it's not like i'm a paying customer or anything," DM tells us.

"You aren't being kicked out," the floor amends. "You are being asked to leave." This is a fine distinction, but far from merely semantic. One involves you cashing out your chips and walking out the door; the other involves more yelling and/or beating by large men in colorful blazers.

DM finally gets his chips racked (he only has about $60 left in front of him anyway), and is slowly guided towards the cashier cage. The floor leaves.

Ten minutes later, DM is still wandering around the room carrying his rack of chips. Five minutes after this, he is over at the brush desk, now calmly and patiently arguing with someone else. He has still not cashed out.

Then, over the PA, we hear this: "Security to the poker room."

Someone at the table says, "*Now* he's being kicked out." Large men in colorful blazers appear, and all action at our table has stopped. Even the dealer is watching.

When no one is maced/tazered/smacked around for a few moments, action continues. Jason scoops another pot with a backdoor 9-high flush.

Ten minutes later, DM is *still* talking to security personnel and a floorman. His chips are nowhere in evidence and he is outside the rail, but he has somehow managed to avoid being actually tossed out. We all marvel. I raise JJ in EP. Jason calls, then donks a 622 rainbow flop. I fold.

Drunken Minnesotan is replaced by two Asian chicks who pick up right where he left off. They bet and raise with TPNK and create some giant pots. The cranky guys at my end of the table become even more cranky.

One of the other action players at the table is a chick named Emily who is seated to Ignig's right. She and Igning have been chatting for a while. She has also been text messaging with someone intermittently. Now she starts laughing and shows Ignignokt and i her text message conversation:

Emily: "Have you ever banged an Asian girl?"

Emily's friend: "Of course."

Emily: "What denomination?"

tyler (aside to the text conversation): "Your use of the word 'denomination' there is severely awesome."

Emily (aside): "Thanks, i know."

Emily's friend: "Um... China. Vietnam. Thailand. Pakistan. Japan?"

Emily's friend: "Oh, and Taiwan."

Emily: "Which was the best?"

Emily's friend: "They were all special in their own way."

As Emily, Ignig, and i are enjoying this conversation, Emily is dealt a hand UTG. She is not paying attention, and before i can tell her, "Emily, it's on you," the dealer mucks her hand. Emily is confused and asks the dealer what happens.

"I tried to get your attention," the dealer says, "but you didn't respond, so i took your hand."

Emily is annoyed. "You didn't try very hard."

"I called you three times."

"Did you say my name, or did you just say 'miss'?" Emily wants to know. She tells Ignig and i that she doesn't respond as readily to 'miss' as she does to her given name.

"Well," the dealer responds, "you're not wearing a name tag."

This line completely [censored] kills me.

The dealer continues: "But from now on i will call you 'Speedbump'."

There is some confusion. Three separate people -- including one of the Asian chicks -- all say, "Speedball? Wtf?" The dealer is Chinese and has a bit of an accent.

"No, speedbump. Speedbump. Because you're slowing the game down."

"Ohhhh..." we all say. I start giggling again.

The big blind has come around to Ignignokt, who looks at his phone and declares that he has to leave to catch his flight. He turns to me and says, "Man, i wish i could stay, because i know that those guys will give all the money back if we just wait."

Since i am the voice of reason, i tell him, "Dude, just change your flight. Tomorrow is Saturday; it's not like you have anything to do. Also, i have three couches at home and you are welcome to crash on any of them."

"But my ticket is non-refundable."

"How much will it cost you to change it?"

"Like $50."

"Dude, that's 6 big bets."

Ignignokt pauses, then stands up and says, "Let me make a phone call."

Ten minutes later, he returns with an espresso and a grin and reports, "I'm on the 7am flight back to Seattle. I guess i'm pulling an all-nighter."

Ignignokt truly is my digital ruler.

Of course, having pulled this heroic maneuver, Ignig and i both immediately go totally card dead. Jason busts out, and the Asian chicks rack up and leave +$600 or so. Ignig and i swear and decide to change venues. Ignig has still never played at Bellagio, and i haven't played there in almost a year (why play at Bellagio when you can play at Wynn?), so off we go.

We crawl up Las Vegas Blvd. I point out how awesome it is that LVPD will just pull you over wherever and let traffic go around. In the two blocks between MGM and Bellagio, we pass two cars pulled over in the right lane and one "pulled over" in the middle lane. This last car is flanked in front and back by two cops on horseback. The horses wear reflective ankle-bands. Because, you know, sometimes it's hard to see a seven-foot-tall, 1200-pound animal. Especially its ankles.

Ignig and i are seated at the same 4/8 table. I sit down and find myself in the CO. The dealer takes my Reserved button and tells me, "$4". I post it, and she helpfully but unnecessarily tells me, "Your $4 is live." If i have to be told that my post is live, it's unlikely that i will understand what she means by "live". But hey, she's trying. I thank her.

I fold 42o to an EP raise, and the action gets around to the BB. The BB, who is another vociferous drunk (but probably not from Minnesota), asks the dealer if he can raise.

"Yes, $8 more to raise."

EP 4-bets, everyone else folds, and the BB asks, "Can i raise again?"

"Yes, one more." So the BB puts in one more chip. I laugh and tell the drunk, "I get it. Because she said 'one more'." Drunk is delighted that someone understands him. He completes his bet, EP calls, and the dealer puts up the flop.

Then, the dealer turns to me and says, helpfully but unnecessarily, "He can put in one more raise. Bet and 4 raises." Thanks.

The guy to the drunk's left racks up to leave and i quickly tell the dealer, "I'm going to take that seat." I rule at seat selection.

Drunk donks off the rest of his chips (including to me when i flop top pair 7s and call down after his turn raise. MHIG.) and buys another rack. He disappears for a few hands, but then comes back into the poker room with a lit cigarette still in his mouth. Me, the dealer, and several other people are all about to tell him that he can't smoke in here, but before anyone can finish a sentence, he drops the cigarette into his 2/3s full bottle of Budweiser.

The dealer begins the next hand and the drunk tells me, "That sucks, because i really wanted that beer."

Before two more hands have gone by, Drunk picks up his beer to take a swig. But i guess he realized that this was a bad idea approximately halfway through the swig, because he then tries to dribble the liquid in his mouth back into the bottle. He sort of succeeds, but also drools Bud all over the front of his shirt. There is a palpable sense of speechlessness at the table. I turn to Ignignokt and mouth the words, "Poker is awesome."

I learn later that as soon as my drunk friend dropped the cigarette into the bottle, Ignignokt said to the two guys sitting next to him, "I'll bet you he forgets and takes a drink within 5 minutes." No one took Ignig's action.

I have been doing my best to keep the table drunk going, because it is +EV for him to keep playing, and he is putting the nits at the table on tilt. "What's your name, brother?" i ask him.

He looks at me, opens his mouth to answer, then stops and pauses for a couple beats.

"Okay, if it's taking you that long, you're just going to lie to me, so never mind."

He claps me on the back and proclaims i am too smart for him. I point out that i do, in fact, have a high school education. He doesn't get it.

He says to wait 15 minutes, and then he'll tell me his name.

"Dude, after 15 minutes, it had better be a damn good name."

"Yeah," he says, "it can't just be, like, 'Blowme'."

"No. You're going to need a clever last name to go with it."

Anyway, my nameless drunken pal finally manages to donk off the rest of his chips. He has picked up on the fact that others at the table are rooting for him to lose. He tells me that he just said "[censored] it" a while ago, and assures me that he could outplay everyone at the table right before he throws in his last $14 with 22 on a 3flush, A-high board. I immediately agree that he could.

He stands to leave. We shake hands and he tells me that his name is Craig. I do not know if this is his real name, or if this is the name he has spent the last 15 minutes inventing. I suppose i will never know.

With Craig gone, the table is not very good anymore, and i am tired. I rack up, wish Ignignokt good luck in the 5 hours of poker he still has in front of him, and drive home. I will let you guess how the lights on Flamingo treated me.

Ignignokt, it was a pleasure to meet you and play poker with you. Thanks again for the cup of chili and iced tea at Bellagio; it really hit the spot. Also, thanks for donking that A-high flop when i 3bet with QQ from the BB, even though i was folding to a c/r anyway.

[bravos1]

LOL.. totally awesome post!

I think I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] you TC!

[MrWookie]

Great trip report. I'm jealous.