In divorce does 50/50 always apply?

[Taso]

Yeah, I really didn't understand the point of that post, although I just assumed, after two weeks of Psych 101 he felt like evaluating a "case".

[VoraciousReader]

[ QUOTE ]
Basically, my mom cheated on my dad around 2 years ago, and she still is, with the same guy. My dad is a doctor, works three jobs, and owns four houses here in America, and a few in Greece. He's worked (and still does) very, very hard, even though he is sick, to make money and to keep the properties going (As investments). It would be sick and twisted if my mom, who is a manipulative, terrible person, were to get 50% of his net worth as the result of a divorce - because of this he has not divorced her, and has to live with her [censored] every day. He won't talk to a lawyer, I don't know why, he's stubborn. It's a very tough situation, but both my brother and I (both over 18) would not have a problem making a statement to the effect of "she had an affair and is evil".

[/ QUOTE ]

Drew,

I am not a professional counselor like chesspain, but I'd like to change your last sentence a little.

"I think it's really unfair of OP to presume that he knows what his dad is thinking and feeling and to tell his father what he should or shouldn't be acting and feeling."

OP's dad "won't talk to a lawyer" and is being "stubborn". Fine, then, OP should support his dad and butt out. Why are OP and his brother trying to push dad to do something he doesn't want to? It sounds like they are trying to express their own anger at their mom through their dad.

But it's not OP's marriage. He is an adult and should let his parents (also adults) sort it out themselves.

[Dominic]

In New York, I believe the man has to give the woman half their community property, two chickens and dance the macarena before the judge in order for the divorce to be legal.

I used to live right next to New York, so I know what I'm talking about.

Oh, but I'm not a lawyer, just in case OP wants to hit me up for more stellar legal advice.

[VoraciousReader]

If that's a crack at me, I'm not a counselor, but I've been the person in the relationship that was cheated on. My live in fiance that I was going to marry in 3 months. When that happens, everyone in the world wants to tell you what to do, and everyone wants to tell you how to feel, and what you really want is not to talk about it with them unless YOU bring it up.

Admittedly, it wasn't a marriage, but I guess I just relate more to OP's dad than to OP.

[TxSteve]

i didn't read the whole thread and this has probably been talked about already (i know; i suck).

but your father needs to do some estate planning...whether he gets divorced or not.

if he owns all of those houses in his and your mom's name...he is just begging to give the US gov't nearly half of his stuff after he and your mom die.

he needs to meet with a cpa/estate planner who will probably advise him to get some of that real estate into trusts that he controls so that they are considered 'out of his estate'

these trusts would probably have you and your siblings' names on them...

estate planning is a MUST for anyone who's estate is valued at more than 2+ million...why give the government all that money?????

the side benefit in this case is that many of the assets will be removed from your mom/dad's asset list and as a result...she will probably not have access to them in a divorce

also...your dad can be pitching this idea to her in a "lets not give uncle sam millions of $ upon our death...lets make sure the kids are well cared for" way --------- instead of a 'you're a cheating whore and i don't want you to have half of my stuff, bitch' way


disclaimer - i'm not a lawyer; estate planner or cap

[DrewDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
In New York, I believe the man has to give the woman half their community property, two chickens and dance the macarena before the judge in order for the divorce to be legal.

I used to live right next to New York, so I know what I'm talking about.

Oh, but I'm not a lawyer, just in case OP wants to hit me up for more stellar legal advice.

[/ QUOTE ]

New York is not a community property state, but other than that, the rest of your post is... well, also wrong.

[img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[DrewDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Basically, my mom cheated on my dad around 2 years ago, and she still is, with the same guy. My dad is a doctor, works three jobs, and owns four houses here in America, and a few in Greece. He's worked (and still does) very, very hard, even though he is sick, to make money and to keep the properties going (As investments). It would be sick and twisted if my mom, who is a manipulative, terrible person, were to get 50% of his net worth as the result of a divorce - because of this he has not divorced her, and has to live with her [censored] every day. He won't talk to a lawyer, I don't know why, he's stubborn. It's a very tough situation, but both my brother and I (both over 18) would not have a problem making a statement to the effect of "she had an affair and is evil".

[/ QUOTE ]

Drew,

I am not a professional counselor like chesspain, but I'd like to change your last sentence a little.

"I think it's really unfair of OP to presume that he knows what his dad is thinking and feeling and to tell his father what he should or shouldn't be acting and feeling."

OP's dad "won't talk to a lawyer" and is being "stubborn". Fine, then, OP should support his dad and butt out. Why are OP and his brother trying to push dad to do something he doesn't want to? It sounds like they are trying to express their own anger at their mom through their dad.

But it's not OP's marriage. He is an adult and should let his parents (also adults) sort it out themselves.

[/ QUOTE ]

If OP's dad is refusing to talk to a lawyer because he believes that mom will automatically get 50% of the assets, that's simply foolhardy, as is doing no estate planning with a sizable estate.

Do you simply "butt out" when your parents are doing something completely stupid? Even if OP weren't self-interested in his parents' marriage, he should tell his dad when he's doing something that clearly doesn't make sense. Plus, it won't cost much to TALK to a lawyer, and that doesn't commit him to doing anything.

[Taso]

Voracious - everything I've said in my posts is basically word for word stuff my dad has said. He brings it up all the time, I don't ever bring it up because frankly, I prefer to not think about it at all because it makes me sick. However, the end of the line has been reached.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
As far as staying out of my parents business, if I don't get involved she will keep taking advantage of him until he is out on the street

[/ QUOTE ]

So a successful, wealthy physician who owns a number of homes is going to...end up homeless?




[ QUOTE ]
...he's tired, lost his spirits, and needs help - I'm his son, so I should help. Yeah, I'm her son too, but she's betrayed us, and she doesn't need help with whatshisface in the picture.



[/ QUOTE ]

If you really want to help your dad, try to convince him to get some mental health treatment for what sounds from your description to be major depression. Of course, this would mean that you would first need to start thinking about your dad's welfare, rather than your own anger towards your mother or your fear of losing your presumed share of a potential inheritance.

[DrewDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
your fear of losing your presumed share of a potential inheritance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Of course, he never mentioned this either; you're just projecting motivations on to him. Again.

Chesspain, you're really coming across like a prick with these posts.