My son wants to get laid

[Sigurd]

I'm scared. Literally.

Do you honestly believe that you motivate people to grow up to become responsible adults by overloading them with rules and imposing hard punishments?
It obviously works, but it simply isn't the best way to raise children. So, how do a 20 yearold like me know. Well, I'm basically writing what I belive that my parents would write.


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A LOT of the earlier responses are just horrible. Another thing I have discover recently is that a lot of people in their late teens to early 20's really want to do nothing...marginal ambition, marginal life aspirations. Maybe they get good grades, but their life outlook at the moment sucks. They would love NOTHING more than to be able to chill with a willing partner all day long every day in a bedroom where they could watch television and do nothing all day. Not a healthy environment at all.

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What makes you belive that a more strict upbringing would have changed this? How do you know that these kids aren't rebelling against their strict parents?

Also, an "open door"-policy is basically a way of telling your son that you DO NOT trust him. This is not a good thing to do.
If you don't think your son is ready to have sex yet, I would recon that you definately don't think that your son is ready to have unprotected sex in some random shed in the ghetto, because they couldn't find somewhere else, and they didn't have condoms, since their snoopy parents would freak out if they found out that they had bought any, and haden't told them that they would both get herpes, AIDS and BOTH become pregnant if they had unprotected sex.

[Dementia]

No wonder bands like this still sell.

I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

[paperjam]

Explain the importance of safe sex. They are both virgins, so it shouldn't matter at this point, but just have a "the talk." Tell your son stories from your past that might help teach some lesson.
I was a nerd in high school. My parents didn't have to worry about me.

[Ansky]

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You have awful parenting techniques. Just let him learn to bang this girl so that when he gets to college and he bangs his first girl, she tells all of her friends that he is great in the sack. Then by the time he graduates he will have banged at least 50 girls, and probably have gotten a few threesomes out of it as well.

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I agree w/ this guy.

[greyhawke54]

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Do you honestly believe that you motivate people to grow up to become responsible adults by overloading them with rules and imposing hard punishments?


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Last time I checked that was what the adult world was like. A place full of rules and hard punishments for those who broke them. Also last time I checked it was the parents job to prepare children for life in the adult world, to teach them about how their actions have conseqenses. Not hey go do what you want cuz it feels good. We as human beings are also not complete animals without any control over our urges. I believe that some in this thread have forgotten that. Sure Jr. is going to try and get laid, but he needs to know the conseqenses of his actions both positive and negative.

I also think that part of the larger problem is the currnent societal attitude towards sex. My parents taught me that sex was something special between to idividuals that cared deeply for one another. Nowadays it just seems like the act has been cheapened too much. Sex is everwhere and has been portrayed as the end all beat all. To many get involved in relationships where sex is all they have, they lack the deep emotional commitment that should accompany this act. There is also a lack of respect for partners. Many refer to sex as hooking up, nothing more, they veiw there partners as something to help them satisfy their own physical needs and nothing more. I know this line of thought is old fashioned, but maybe those old timers knew something afterall.

For the record I am a 33 yr old happily married man with 2 children.

[Dementia]

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My parents taught me that sex was something special between to idividuals that cared deeply for one another. Nowadays it just seems like the act has been cheapened too much. Sex is everwhere and has been portrayed as the end all beat all. To many get involved in relationships where sex is all they have, they lack the deep emotional commitment that should accompany this act.

For the record I am a 33 yr old happily married man with 2 children.

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Oh please @ needing a deep emotional committment. The kid is 16 years old, do you want every virgin to marry the first broad he bangs to preserve their 'inner most special bonding chords' - emotional sap.

And for the record, it sounds like your wife has your dick in a drawer under the sink, not your pants. Lighten up.

[nlc315]

I'm 21, so I'm not sure if it's the perspective you're looking for. Honestly, that's around the normal age. Ask yourself this...how old are you supposed to be to have sex? You could argue the maturity angle or what not, but having serious relationships in these late HS years helps people learn for the future. Say and think what you want, but unless you're both WAY religious, no male/female dating kind of relationship is a serious one unless sex is involved. You can only learn by having them, making mistakes, and learning from them. Personally, I'd just give them privacy...put it outta your mind. The denial pill is the best bet. If a place to go isn't easily accessable, it puts stress on the time when they do have, and the mentality of, "well...i don't care we don't have a condom, this is the only time in the near future, so let's go," might set in. Talking about it is going to be awkward, and although you might be able to get the stones to have a talk with them...you had time to ready yourself...they didn't. Schools preach abstinence, which is unrealistic, so if you want them to know the value of protection against STD's, mention to the family doctor the situation and have him/her give the kid a little speal the next time he's in for a visit. If it comes from the parent, it kinda seems like it's a forced choice, whereas if it's information that's given they're making the mature decision to follow it, which makes it more likely.

Finally, lol, look at it from his perspective. If something goes wrong, which it inevitably will, and they breakup, having wanted to have sex, but were unable to find a setting, he'll regret it. Trust me ;-)

[nlc315]

1 in 5 Americans has genital herpes.

I agree, being the parent, not the friend is more important...but in a situation like this...the friend would definitely have more input. Being authoritative is a Pyrric victory, although your right...it might cost you a lot in baby formula or anti-herpies pills.

[nlc315]

It is impossible to get a motel room until you're 21, because ID is required upon registration. Trust me, it was one of the perks, added to drinking and gambling. (Sometimes, you might get away with it if you register beforehand online, but you'd need a credit/check card, and again...hard to do w/o parents figuring out.) They'll park somewhere until they realize car sex is bad sex because of space limitations, then they'll resort to bedrooms at parties or other alternatives.

[nlc315]

Yea dude...the old timers don't get it. All those rules stifle the growth. I'm 21, and make better decisions that 40 year olds I've met. Parenting can't stay the same over the life of a child. 0-1: make sure you feed them/hold them/change the diper 2-6: make sure they know their boundaries, but let them make small choices and decisions within those boundaries. 7-11: start widing the boundaries 12-14/15: try and fall into more of a consulting role. 16-forever: your parenting job is essentially over as you knew it. You're there as the "wise old man" so to speak, to get advice from.