Mitch Hedberg dead

[nomadtla]

When I visit a college or university I like to buy the sweatshirt of that university. So that later when I wear the sweatshirt on the street and someone comes up to me and says "Hey man you went to UCLA?" I can say "Yes, it was a Wednesday."

[Madtown]

I like swiss cheese. It's the only cheese you can draw with a pencil and identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think it's cheddar. Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can bite and miss. "Hey Mitch - does that sandwich have cheese on it?" "Every now and then!" I got some swiss air on that bite.

[Kramer.]

I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy once. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore," but I was too busy mumbling, "There is no way that's gonna hit him." I hit a guy in one. What's par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an a**hole.

[Thythe]

See I'm a dreamer, man, and when I was a cook I'd always work with people who weren't dreamers. Like, I was cooking at this restaurant and I put a hot dog on the grill and my kitchen manager came over, and he said, "Mitch, put the hot dog up here, in the right hand corner of the grill, so in case you get a whole bunch of orders at once you have all this space available." See that's how I knew he wasn't a dreamer, 'cause the day I give up my dreams is the day I have strategic grill locations. A dreamer has a philosophy: the entire grill is hot.

[Kramer.]

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

[Madtown]

Bananas are the opposite of stoplights. With bananas green means wait a little, yellow means go right ahead, and red means where the [censored] did you get that banana?

[MrTrik]

[ QUOTE ]

Was the Mitch Hedberg of sister-banging by MrTrik fame from Wisconsin, by any chance?

[/ QUOTE ]

Nope. Minnesota.

[Brain]

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like 22222222. I would say, "Sweet." People would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Just press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough.

[kipin]

I made this and it covers two Mitch jokes.




RIP Mitch

[SMB]

Wikiquote - Mitch Hedberg

"I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying, "We don't have to fix [censored]."