OOT - be gentle...

[suzzer99]

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Electrical plug jokes are OK if you're looking to impress a Brazilian, I would have made a South America kidnap/ransom joke though and locked the doors right before she tries to get out and laugh etc. Being new in town makes giving her your number a good idea, you don't come off as too aggressive and if she's hurting for friends you're her go to guy...just keep your intentions clear since she'll most likely be looking to make a friend before anything else.

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I can live with friend and try to work my way up.

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Remember this mistake when you're both out to lunch and she starts talking about how great the guy she just met is. [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

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Yes, drop that attitude immediately, it's horrible.

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What part of "it's still better than sitting at home looking at porn" do you guys not understand? Yes I would like to nail her. But she also seems very cool and might have other Brazilian friends. Maybe ones who are also hot, educated and cool. Who knows where things could lead? I like to make friends. Even with women. Most of my friends in LA happen to be women. Strange concept I know.

[suzzer99]

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But the general attitude of "I'm happy if we can start as friends and then work our way up" is probably indicative of precisely why you apparently aren't doing that great on the gal scene.

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Ok, let me clarify. I would definitely be going out with this girl with the intention of hitting on her at some point. But if she told me early in the date she has some boyfriend in Brazil, I wouldn't necessarily end the date as fast as possible and never call her again. At least not if she seemed cool.

So if we started hanging out, during that time I would probably be subtly trying to see if I could sway her. But also I'd have to genuinely enjoy her company etc. I wouldn't put up with an annoying moron obviously.

When I at least have a prospect I can focus on, I am a better man. I work harder on improving myself and I feel more alive. Even if I know it's a long shot. It beats sitting around the house or just getting effed up with my friends for the thousandth time for no reason (when you hit your 30s this last statement will make more sense).

Does that make sense? Yeah I know I'm a cuckold to some degree, but I also know I get a lot out of it. And she gets someone to hang out with etc. It's not a bad deal for either of us.

[Yeti]

suzzer stop being so damn sensible

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I'm one of the few here who think women can be friends, but I think what is being said here is that while you may become friends, don't seek that out first. There's plenty of time for a relaxed slide into friendship territory after you've taken a shot at something more sexiful. You do tend to sound a little self-defeating; there's just a tone of giving up before you've really tried mixed in there somewhere -- from giving your number rather than getting hers, to talking about friendship like it's something to aspire to rather than settle for.

Assuming you're a decent guy, friendship is no great accomplishment. No sense rushing it.

If a girl really has much of a chance of liking you, it may even come off as a bit of an insult or disappointment that you don't even try to demonstrate that you like her maybe as much as she likes you. She might think, Oh well, or, What do I have to do, beg for it?

And, she might think -- Wow, I guess this is how you define "beta dog."

[Droogie]

That's not what I was trying to say it's just that it's a defeatist attitude. Same as saying anyone is out of your league as you did in the OP about said woman. And also not getting her phone number falls into that category.

You shouldn't be focusing on why she should want to be with you, you should be focusing on why you want to be with her and just assume that she wants to be with you because you are such a cool guy there is no reason why anyone wouldn't want to, at least, hang out with you. I know it sounds ridicilously arrogant/optimistic/whatever but it gives you a much stronger attitude to interact with.

I honestly think that's your biggest problem, I know it's mine (but I am working on it [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img])

[Blarg]

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Does that make sense? Yeah I know I'm a cuckold to some degree, but I also know I get a lot out of it. And she gets someone to hang out with etc. It's not a bad deal for either of us.

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I disagree. If you are attracted to her and she is attracted to you, this is a substantially worse deal for the both of you.

Add that getting to someplace that isn't her first choice or yours can be a long, drawn-out process, and it's even worse.

[El Diablo]

Yugo,

"Any # exchange works best after a minute or two of talking, especially if there is an interest you share to seed as an activity to do (hello running together)."

Those are two great pieces of advice.

I find it WAY easier to ask for a number in the context of doing something. Oh, you like live music? Yeah, we should totally catch a show sometime, lemme get your number.

And I also find it WAY more comfortable to ask for it quickly as opposed to talk a lot and then at the end be like, so, um, yeah well, uh, can I get your number or something.

Most girls seem to find it pretty standard to have you call/text them right then so they can punch your name in to their phone.

[Butcho22]

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[suzzer99]

I do have a defeatist attitude. I'll give you that. I have a hard time somehow forcing myself to think I'm the [censored] and things are going to work out great--when they haven't for many many many times in a row now. How does one make that happen?

Well at least I tried. And I think I gave it a pretty good shot. I know I should have gotten her #. But I feel fairly confident that may only have been a 10% swing or so. IE - if she wanted me to call her, most likely she's going to call. She's new in town, there's motivation there.

We'll see.

[mason55]

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I find it WAY easier to ask for a number in the context of doing something. Oh, you like live music? Yeah, we should totally catch a show sometime, lemme get your number.

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I can't remember the last time I asked a girl for her number without some pretense like this.

It helps in a ton of ways. Most important is that you'll be more confident when you call because you'll know that you're already in and you'll have something to talk about on the phone.