Sorry, I just made a donk post to the wrong forum (NC Thread)

[Buzz-cp]

wow what is up with that ava? is that CG?

[Gib]

[ QUOTE ]
wow what is up with that ava? is that CG?

[/ QUOTE ]
Ya from Final Fantasy: Advent Children

[marchron]

Note: this is seriously long, but it's probably the funniest edition of Irish Mike Goes To Four Winds yet. Your refusal to tl;dr and skip it will be rewarded, I promise.



So when last we left Irish Mike, he had a $29 profit from his initial stake and sat back down solely on the advice of the poker host, who had told him that a husky gentleman who was adept at losing money was about to sit down.

And, as I'm sure you've figured out, because this is usually the way it works for me when I have the option to book a win and decline, it wound up going to hell, but man, was it ever a fun ride in that handbasket.

Let's reset the scene: I'm in Seat 5. Jeff, the solid player I remember from the marchron/Menace meetup, was in Seat 7. In between us was a LAG, whose name I don't remember. (Normally I'm better at remembering names, because they're printed on the screen in front of me, but I failed this time for reasons that will become evident shortly.) Husky was in Seat 10. To my right in Seat 4 was a guy with a European accent of some sort who was waiting for a 1/2 NL seat to open up. Eventually joining the nuthouse in Seat 1 was Exquisite Fish, also a veteran of the epic marchron/Menace table; and in Seat 9, another huge goof, who looked like an "If They Mated" of Todd Brunson and me.

All things considered, I'm in a pretty good seat here; I have position on most of the bad players and Jeff and LAG have to act after me. The problem was that between Jeff and LAG, most of my opportunities to limp spec hands in EP got wrecked. I also couldn't iso-raise the fish because I'd usually get three-bet. One hand had EF limping, me iso-raising with QTo, and Jeff three-bet me from the big blind. I flopped a Q and lost to Jeff's KK. I also got pwned by another one of the decent players when my JJ lost to his QQ on an all-undercard board. Then I got roped into playing ginormous pots with 65o and T6s from the big blind after Jeff raised from EP and half a dozen people called, and got stuck paying to the river to hit draws before whiffing them both.

Then I get Ax Q[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] in MP. EF limps, European limps, I raise, a couple people call, including the me/Todd Brunson clone from the SB. Flop is all unders, two [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]s. I c-bet to try to clear some of them out, and it actually works: only European and Mike Brunson call. Before the turn comes I think to myself, "I'd really like to see the A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] here," and wham — A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] comes on the turn, giving me TP2K and the second-nut flush draw. I bet, Todd Marchron check/raises, European calls, I briefly consider three-betting but realize I'm probably going to need a heart to win, so I call. River is a blank and for some reason I overcall both Todd Marchron and European, and I lose to Mike Brunson's 74[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] he coolcalled from the SB. I lament that another heart didn't come, and European tells me it was no good since he had Ax K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]. I either didn't understand him or didn't believe him because he limped with it (or both), so he hit up the Last Hand feature and proved it. So that perfect card on the turn, naturally, left me drawing dead.

At the end of that hand I had $20, but that was short-lived because the next hand I had AK, flopped K-high two-tone, turned the A for top two, and bet my last $5 on the river blind — it was a blank, thankfully — and got paid off by both Todd Marchron and EF. Not long after I picked up 33 and got into a raising war with Husky on the turn with a board of Q[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 3[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 2x 10x. I think we made it to six bets on that turn card, and I didn't believe he had TT or QQ. When the river blanked and he check/folded, he told me he had J9[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] for the combo draw. Hey, the poker host was right: he can bleed some chips. Thanks for pumping without the equity.

I'd run back up to above break-even in short order, but the real winner of the night was Jeff, who scooped a giant pot on a 77xTA board when Husky had K7 for the nut trips, LAG had A7 for the nut sevens full and he had TT for the bigger boat. He also caught EF in two trips-over-trips situations, and EF bemoaned his luck in getting coolered. I loved it because I told EF the solution — don't play Ace-rag and King-rag because you're going to have kicker problems — and he pooh-poohed my advice, insisting that any Ace and any King are always playable. Gotta love a fish who's so stubborn that you can beraducate him and it won't take.

Sometime around this point two new characters need to be introduced: 50 Cent and 2DOGS. 50 Cent sat down in Seat 2, to EF's left. He wasn't the real 50 Cent, of course — he was white and dorky-looking, which made the moniker all the funnier — but we called him "50 Cent" because somehow the bankroll he brought to the table was like $93.50. Nobody, not even him nor the room managers, could figure out how it got that way, since chopped pots with a loose dollar weren't split exactly in half: the extra dollar was given to the player in worse position relative to the button, as it is in most card rooms. Upon seeing this, I told him that, not to wish him ill will, but I really hoped he lost his entire buy-in so that when he went all-in for his last fifty cents we could see how the center console would display his chips. He took it well.

2DOGS sat in the seat to my immediate right after European's NL seat opened up. He . . . well . . . he had a weird sense of humor and either huge brass balls or a bit of an a-hole streak to name himself that. While I was pretty confident as to why, I needed to know for sure, so I went ahead and asked him if he really chose, as a nickname, in an Indian casino, part of the punchline to an offensive joke involving Native Americans. He hoisted his martini and said, "Of course!" By the way, I later learned that he wasn't really drinking a martini, since I'm pretty sure a martini is made with both gin and vermouth, and 2DOGS was basically drinking triple shots of gin over ice.

Even though I was back in the black and could have left with a profit, I was having way too much fun. Husky's wife? dropped by and boasted of winning $2400 on a slot machine; she asked how he was doing, and he pointed at us and said "They're kicking my ass, but at least they're nice about it," to which I immediately replied, "Thanks for letting us kick your ass." I said this every time he lost a pot at showdown, which was often, and it was funny every time. EF beat him out of a pot with a set of deuces and, after I thanked Husky again for letting us kick his ass, EF proclaimed that it was the first time he'd won a hand with pocket deuces in 20 years. He appeared to be serious, but I almost literally ROFL'd. He went on to say other impossibly ludicrous claims, like he'd never won a single hand with AQ in his life, or he hadn't filled a flush in three months despite hitting one like half an hour before. Again, I picked up on this, and again it was funny every time.

But the LOLiest moments, hands down, came from 2DOGS. The mojo of his luckbox increased in direct proportion to his blood alchohol content, and as that rose, so did his table antics. In one pot, someone raised his bet, and he squinted at the board and fumed "What the [censored]? Son of a bitch. What the [censored] does he have? Awww [censored], I'm probably [censored] here. Goddamn mother [censored] . . ." Then he three-bet. I completely lost it then, giggling like an 8-year old girl. "Check" and "Fold" were evidently missing from his table display. In one hand he proclaimed he had 72o and was only calling preflop because he was in the big blind and it was $3 more to him. Sure enough the board paired sevens and he wrecked Husky and Todd Marchron with the 72o he told them he had. "Thanks for letting us kick your ass." EF chimed in, "Wow, I wish that happened to me in the big blind," and I turned to him and deadpanned, "Yeah, I know, man, I haven't won a hand in the big blind since 'Nam," and the table just erupted. (I was born in 1980.)

Eventually 2DOGS realized he had to slow his drinking pace, so naturally he decided to switch from straight gin on the rocks to straight gin on the rocks with an olive in it. He asked the cocktail waitress for olives, and I didn't really notice her because I was too busy raising AK and whiffing the flop. She returned to the table with four pretty big olives on a skewer, and it was then I noticed that she was . . . endowed. Amply endowed. Wow-endowed. "Man, these are some nice olives," 2DOGS said, oblivious to the even nicer melons on the waitress who delivered them. "Yeah, they're huge, aren't they?" she replied, and I went stone-still as I desperately held back howls of laughter. When she had moved on to the next table, I beat on the rail and tried to keep as silent as possible. 2DOGS said "What?" next to me, and I repeated her words as calmly as I could. He paused a beat, squinted at her as she was serving the adjacent table, and said in his classic understated fashion, "Yeah, goddamn, she has some huge [censored] [censored], doesn't she?" and I pray that she didn't hear him, but she probably did. As 2DOGS slowed down his inbibing, I stepped mine up to make sure she, and her blessings, would be near to me in proximity and eye level. Beat: all the drinks are $2.50 now instead of the buck-fiddy they used to be, but she could have told me every drop of water was $10, for all I cared; I still would have bought them.

About four or five vodka-and-diets later, I pick up AT[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] in the big blind. LAG limped, Jeff raised, Mike Brunson, EF and 2DOGS all coldcall, I call, LAG limp-reraises, Jeff caps, Todd Marchron calls that, EF folds in disgust, 2DOGS must have timed out because he certainly didn't fold of his own volition, and I do enough buzzed arithmetic to ascertain that I'm getting like 37-1 to call, so I do. Flop is A-high and drier than 2DOGS' martini. LAG leads, Jeff folds, and I figure I'm getting like 62-1 so I call. Turn's another brick, LAG checks, I bet, he calls. River blank, check bet call, LAG shows A6o and MHIG. "Man, I haven't seen anyone limp-reraise with Ace-Six off since Eisenhower was president," I say as the pot gets shipped my way. The table goes bonkers.

2DOGS' luckbox-fu is winding down now that he's cut himself off entirely, and he's stunned that he's no longer able to win pots with bottom pair. He finally starts folding every now and again, but he has one last big hand in him. In it, he takes 50 Cent nearly to the felt when his AQ makes the nut full house; 50 had Broadway but wasn't buying all of 2DOGS' raises. By then, he's now around like $12.50, and my semi-serious hope of him going BUSTO is nearing fruition. He does get it all in, but it was for like $7.50 on a turn raise, and the chip display put two stacks in front of him: one with a red $5 on top of a white $1, and the other with a white $1 on top of two chips. I peer closely and discover that those chips are purple with yellow edge spots. Well, that answers that question. 50 goes on to win that hand, but loses a couple more and is down to scraps again. But he quickly remedies that by open-raising the next hand to $4.50 all-in. As he gets calls around the table, I peer at the table wide-eyed as it dawns on me that even if 50 loses this hand and goes BUSTO, he'll have his revenge. 2DOGS calls. LAG calls. The guy on Jeff's left calls. Todd Marchron calls from the SB. Husky calls from the BB. Five other players now have XXX.50 in front of them; furthermore, since the main pot is now fixed at $27, if 50 wins he won't have the loose change anymore. I'm the first one to notice this and start giggling. 2DOGS looks down and mumbles something like "[censored], now every goddamn one of us has that [censored] fifty cents," everyone else who called is similarly disgruntled, and the poker host is laughing himself stupid. "Why didn't one of you reraise?" he asks. "It wouldn't have mattered," I say when regain my composure, "it was a legal raise. If anyone reraised that they would have made it $7.50 to go," and I start cracking up again. I settle down, then add, "Man, I haven't seen a hand this crazy the last time the Cubs won the World Series!" and the entire table busts into hysterics. I don't even remember who won that hand, but it wasn't 50. He went BUSTO, but had the last laugh.

Meanwhile, I have no idea how much money I have anymore, and I'm too drunk to care. I pick up AA in middle position. 2DOGS limps, I raise and get a boatload of callers, including Mike Brunson in the SB. Flop is 644 and Todd Marchron donks. 2DOGS freaks out and folds and tells me that the pair of fours on board is bad news. Undeterred, I raise. The turn and river are blanks, my evil twin checks and calls both times and shows 74o. "I can't remember the last time I won with pocket Aces," EF says, and I say "Yeah, no kidding, I haven't won with Aces since the Civil War," as the next hand begins and I limp in with 44. Flop comes 543 two-suited. I lead, the nondescript guy to Jeff's left calls, and Todd Marchron calls. Turn is the 7 of goddammits, I check, Nondescript bets, my evil twin and I call. River is the 11½ of whogivesadamns, I check, Nondescript bets, Mike Brunson raises, I get 2DOGS' attention and show him my pocket fours, and he's incredulous as I hit the fold button and toss them into the e-muck. Nondescript and Todd Marchron eventually cap that [censored]; Nondescript has 86o for the nuts to beat Mike Brunson's 6x one-card straight. "I can't believe you folded that," 2DOGS said afterwards, evidently at this point so drunk he can't count to seven. "What'd you fold?" EF asks, and I point at 2DOGS, who at least read my cards correctly and said "a [censored] set of fours." "Wow, that's a bad beat," EF notes, and even though his sympathy was sincere, I couldn't help myself: "Yeah, man, I haven't hit a full house since the pyramids were built."

The buzz helps me not have a Matusow-esque blowup at those two morons, but I still need a break, if for no other reason than my face hurts from laughing so much. As I'm standing up, our, er, perky cocktail waitress happens by and out of curiosity asks if we like how nice the room looks compared to the boats in northwest Indiana. The room's aesthetics are a new question for me, as I'm usually asked about the electronic tables, so I tell her that it's nice that it's not on a boat because there's more room. She, being someone who's probably not a fan of squeezing in between a bunch of drunkern lechers, immediately nods in agreement. I follow her out and she stops and asks if it's weird to play on electronic tables. I start into my spiel about the faster play, smaller rake and no dealer tokes and I look into her eyes (yes, I was looking in her eyes — I didn't want to be a dick), and they're glazed over. She doesn't know a thing about poker. I give a quick summation of what the rake and dealer tokes actually are, and she's confused: "You mean you guys play each other, not the House?" Wow. Oh, hell, let's go for it: "I can tell you more about it later. When do you get off your shift?" Hell yeah, I'm a playa. Actually, I'm just buzzed enough that my fear of rejection is muzzled, but not so drunk as to suggest we play strip poker so I can see her huge boobs. "I get off at three." "A.M.?" I shoot back, as if she was really going to be working all the way until 3:00 P.M. the next afternoon. "Yeah," she sighs. "Hmm, I guess that means dinner's out of the question," I chuckle. She laughs along, but doesn't immediately shoot me down or say her boyfriend will be upset, so I count that as a moral victory.

That was not, however, how I reported it when I got back at the table. "Well, I've just suffered the worst beat of the night," I told them. "What, did the bitch kick you in the balls?" 2DOGS asked, as I elbowed him in the ribs to get him to shut up, since she was coming back with more drinks. When she went to the next table, I said that I asked her to dinner after her shift (okay, I didn't really, but I would have), but she didn't get off until 3 in the morning. The table loses its collective mind over this, wondering why on earth I didn't ask her to have coffee with me or anything. I lie and say it's because I have to work in the morning, when, really, is she really going to go have coffee at three in the morning with a complete stranger? Yeah, right, that's got potential written all over it . . . if she wanted to be sexually assaulted. Besides, I only had like $15 left in my stack after slow bleeds and those two hideous beats, I had no desire to deposit more since I wasn't confident in my game due to all the drinks I had, and if I sit around doing nothing for five hours waiting for her to get off, all I accomplish is making myself look like a creepy desperate loser. I know this from experience. I've been that guy who waits five hours and pretends to look busy. It has never got me laid before, and I don't expect it to start now. 2DOGS keeps railing me about this, being sure to include every perverted thought that passes through his mind about what he'd do to her, and to two parts of her especially, if he were younger and not married. EF, who's gotta be 50 years old at least, is giving me even more [censored] than 2DOGS. Suddenly, I don't like this table anymore. I stack off the rest of my money with middle pair, act surprised when it's not good, say "Man, I haven't won a hand when I've been all in since I crawled out of the primordial ooze," and leave the table laughing.

On the way out I bump into her again. I make sure to mention that I've got to run, but I'll be back in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'm going to navigate around the fact that my step-grandmother will be with me. I'll figure something out.

You know what? It's not until just now that I realized something. She asked if I was staying at the hotel.

[censored].

I might have had a chance at that coffee.

[OrigamiSensei]

[ QUOTE ]
Variance: Kerowo gets his own dedicated thread in ATF.

[/ QUOTE ]
The fact that it's Nielsio doing the complaining makes it all the more hilarious. That guy is one of the worst posters in 2p2 history.

[bennyhana]

Dear Poker Gods,

Could you align the stars so I could run this hot for, like, 2 weeks? I'd really like to be a regular in the cuddle bear soft Full Tilt 3/6fr game and I think I would be properly rolled if I could manage 12 more days like the last 2.

Thank you,
bennyhana (your #1 fan)

[Ulkis]

I missed the monthly hand session review but will definately sign on to the next one. I have moved down limits, to .25/.50 and will move down even further unless it gets better - I don't want to blow out my bank roll. I started in April/May with $50 and about 3 weeks ago or so it was $400. Now I have just over 100 bucks. Part of the fun has been to study poker books, study this message board, play, and see what I can make out of that $50. The plan was to get it up to $600-$700 and then start taking shots at 1/2. That's not going to happen any time soon.

The typical session. I start with $30 and early on either make it to $45-50, in which case I drop back to $30 due to 2 or 3 hands, or I drop to $10-15 (this is more usual), hang in there for awhile, then drop further.

I look forward to next session review but was thinking if some experienced player (Carpal/Tunnel, Pooh-Bah) is feeling bored with nothing to do, I wouldn't mind emailing 200-300 hand Stars HH file for PokerTracker and receive a couple of pointers how to proceed. This would be greatly appreciated and I'll gladly pay for some independent advice/insight and inconvenience, say via PokerStars fund transfer.

I should post hands more and comment others but it would be great to have a head start.

My stats are the following:
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/e...nshotstats.jpg

I am sure I can turn this thing around, but would like to know the big picture and where to start. Thanks for any input.

[Buzz-cp]

so hate you Ben. I am running bad again.


Also march, nice report. I do believe that dude did have a martini, of the driest kind.

[bozlax]

This young lady was talking to somebody about the hands Dave posted this week.

Not a Rickroll

Don't eat the herring.

[train.]

I've not been too good at these 70fpp sat things. but today was awsomeness. (not x 3 tho.)

1st hand

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em Tourney, Big Blind is t20 (10 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

Button (t1500)
SB (t1500)
BB (t1500)
UTG (t1500)
UTG+1 (t1500)
Hero (t1500)
MP1 (t1500)
MP2 (t1500)
MP3 (t1500)
CO (t1500)

Preflop: Hero is UTG+2 with A[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img].
<font color="#666666">2 folds</font>, Hero calls t20, MP1 calls t20, <font color="#CC3333">MP2 raises to t60</font>, <font color="#666666">2 folds</font>, Button calls t60, <font color="#666666">1 fold</font>, BB calls t40, <font color="#CC3333">Hero raises to t1500</font>, MP1 calls t1480 (All-In), MP2 calls t1440 (All-In), Button calls t1440 (All-In), BB calls t1440 (All-In).

Flop: (t7510) 4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], J[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], Q[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(5 players, 4 all-in)</font> (hmmm, we were all all-in)

Turn: (t7510) 7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(5 players, 4 all-in)</font>

River: (t7510) 4[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(5 players, 4 all-in)</font>

Final Pot: t7510

BB has 8s 9c (one pair, fours).
Hero has As Ad (two pair, aces and fours).
MP1 has Ac Jc (two pair, jacks and fours).
MP2 has Qh Th (two pair, queens and fours).
Button has 9h 6c (one pair, fours).
Outcome: Hero wins t7510.

3rd hand

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em Tourney, Big Blind is t20 (6 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

CO (t1520)
Button (t1490)
SB (t1480)
Hero (t7510)
UTG (t1500)
MP (t1500)

Preflop: Hero is BB with J[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], J[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img].
<font color="#666666">2 folds</font>, CO calls t20, <font color="#CC3333">Button raises to t80</font>, <font color="#666666">1 fold</font>, <font color="#CC3333">Hero raises to t7510</font>, CO folds, Button calls t1410 (All-In).

Flop: (t9030) Q[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 2[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

Turn: (t9030) 6[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

River: (t9030) 2[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

Final Pot: t3010

Button has Ah 7h (one pair, twos).
Hero has Jd Jh (two pair, jacks and twos).
Outcome: Hero wins t9030.

5th hand

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em Tourney, Big Blind is t20 (5 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

UTG (t1500)
MP (t1470)
Hero (t9020)
SB (t1510)
BB (t1500)

Preflop: Hero is Button with K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], K[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img].
<font color="#666666">1 fold</font>, MP calls t20, <font color="#CC3333">Hero raises to t100</font>, <font color="#CC3333">SB raises to t400</font>, <font color="#666666">1 fold</font>, MP folds, <font color="#CC3333">Hero raises to t9020</font>, SB calls t1110 (All-In).

Flop: (t10570) 5[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], Q[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], 5[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

Turn: (t10570) Q[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

River: (t10570) 5[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

Final Pot: t3060

Hero has Kh Kc (full house, fives full of kings).
SB has Js Jh (full house, fives full of queens).
Outcome: Hero wins t10570.

11th hand

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em Tourney, Big Blind is t30 (4 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

Button (t1355)
SB (t1440)
Hero (t10730)
UTG (t1475)

Preflop: Hero is BB with A[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 4[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img].
UTG calls t30, Button calls t30, SB completes, Hero checks.

Flop: (t120) A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 5[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 3[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(4 players)</font>
SB checks, Hero checks, <font color="#CC3333">UTG bets t90</font>, Button folds, SB folds, Hero calls t90.

Turn: (t300) 2[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players)</font>
Hero checks, <font color="#CC3333">UTG bets t210</font>, <font color="#CC3333">Hero raises to t10610</font>, UTG calls t1145 (All-In).

River: (t12265) Q[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] <font color="#0000FF">(2 players, 1 all-in)</font>

Final Pot: t3010

Hero has Ac 4s (straight, five high).
UTG has Td Ad (one pair, aces).
Outcome: Hero wins t12265.


11 hands and I get to personally knock out 7 players. Plus I manage to hang on for the win. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] (maybe it is x 3)

[marchron]

[ QUOTE ]
Also march, nice report. I do believe that dude did have a martini, of the driest kind.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, I realize that. Winston Churchill said the best martinis are made when you pour gin in a glass while looking at a bottle of vermouth. I, on the other hand, can't stand gin, so on the rare occasions I have a martini I order it 007-style.