Girls refusing to move in with a guy without a ring

[Lottery Larry]

" She, on the other hand, has said there is no rush to get engaged, but that she won't move in under any circumstances if they are not engaged."

(golf clap)

Nicely done- you go, girl.

[Daliman]

I have had a few different cases of both sides of this:

GF #1: When we met I was 20, she was 17. After ~2 years, I was making like 19k a year working 60 hours a week living on my own. I had to buy a car because mine broke down, and I was at the point where I literally had only ~$150 per month that wasn't spent on Car, Insurance, Apartment, or utilities. Since she was spending 5-6 nights a week at my place anyways,( she "lived" at home though), I asked her if she would move in with me now that I could REALLY use the help. We had discussed it before, and she said she didn't want to move in with anyone unless she was engaged, and I countered with I didn't want to get engaged to anyone I;d never lived with, as it's a completely different situation than being over all the time and it can help us both figure out if we could be successfully married AND at this point, I'm not buying a ring unless I can pay for it with cash, since I couldn't afford to go in debt. She never moved in, and after about 3.5 years, we broke up for a bit, then got back together for another 9 months or so. She ended up moving in with the guy she dated after we broke up after dating him for 6 months or so; they dated ~5 years, never got engaged. We were both too young and inexperienced at the time, but I'm pretty sure had we met 4 years later, we probably would have gotten married.

GF#2 She moved in with me after we were dating ~ 6 months, ( also because her brother's GF moved in his GF and son to the house they shared) and after about a month I couuld tell she had some serious issues. Biggest hint was one day when I came home from work she had left a very well put-together outline of my problems, first and foremost, that I was an alcoholic.... At the time, I was 26, had been drunk probably 8 times in my whole life, and got drunk the first time ever when I was 24. She said the outline was not meant for me to see...

I told her when she did things I thought were messed up, and that if they didn't change, that they were deal-breakers. She'd get better for awhile, then flip out again. The straw that broke the camels back was when she accused me of cheating on her becasue she found a bra that was not hers in our laundry that SHE did, (oddly enough, in the apartment laundry room which she NEVER used because she had always previously taken it to her parents house..). Had I never lived with her beforehand, I likely might never have seen the problems we'd have. She got engaged to a guy that lived 5 states away less than 3 months after we broke up, and from what her brother tells me, is still very unhappily married to him.

GF #3 Within about 2 months of dating, we both felt like there was a very strong chance we found the person we wanted to marry. My lease was coming up in may, so I moved in with her near when it did, ( we had been dating ~6 months). Two months later, we were engaged, and we are happily married today.


So here's my full take on it; Many women will say you are commitment-phobic if you want them to move in without being engaged. As a rule, they are wrong, but obviously, some of us are. I HIGHLY recommend living with someone before marrying them, preferably before even getting engaged. I contend that 95% of all women who have never been married who are otherwise unconstrained (kids, school, etc) will marry ANY man they have dated for 6 months or more. So obviously, we gotta be a bit more diligent then they do.

For the specific case at hand, I think he should stick to his guns. Her opinion on the subject may change as she matures, ( I'm guessing she's young). Her thoughts, while not unreasonable, ARE untenable.

[NT!]

i've lived with my lady friend for quite a while now and would never get married without living with someone. i think people who have never lived with a woman just have no [censored] clue about how hard it is for some couples to live together. ms. thumb and i had literally never had anything approaching a serious argument until we lived together.

for the type of people who worry about engagement and marriage and stuff before moving in, it's just a way of quantifying their level of commitment / intentions. basically in every way except for tax purposes i am married and have been for several years. a healthy relationship is about being comfortable and content with one another, and living together is more of test of that than buying someone a ring or getting together on a sunday to play dress-up and throw a party afterwards.

[xorbie]

I don't think it's necessarily unreasonable. A lot of it has to do with her financial situation... if she currently has a lot of roomates and would have to force them to get a new roommate and would then have to look around for an apartment after they broke up, it makes sense to want something that's going to be pretty permanent before shacking up.

[Lonhro]

NT, I think this is the best thing I have ever read from you.

Not only that, OP should listen, because it's true.

[Josem]

(firstly, i think it is ironic that i am giving out relationship advice. take it as you will)

i can think of couples i know that regretted marrying before living with each other.

i can not think of couples i know that regretted living together before getting married.

[kibble420]

[ QUOTE ]
I think she's being very reasonable. Then again, I don't believe people should live together before they're married. Then again, I don't believe in pre-marital sex, so what do I know?

[/ QUOTE ]

QFF