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#51
05-20-2006, 04:32 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I am really shocked by the replies to this. This is not a problem at all. [/ QUOTE ] It's completely subjective. [/ QUOTE ] If you're insecure. [/ QUOTE ] Uh, no. The issue is not that she went to a party without him, it's that she did not invite him or explain why she wanted to go alone. It's pretty rational to view this as an issue. [/ QUOTE ] I just can't imagine myself saying "You're not gonna invite me?" "Who are you going with" "what time are you coming home" Like I said earlier, if I didn't trust her I wouldn't be with her in the first place. I almost ALWAYS give girls the benefit of doubt, but that doesn't mean I won't drop a chick like 3rd period Spanish if ANY evidence is presented otherwise. 
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#53
05-20-2006, 04:36 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
I think there are situations where this is totally fine and situations where it is not-assumming OP is in committed, serious relationship like he says it is.
1) Going to a party with workfriends, schoolfriends, for a cast party, bday party, etc.-obviously legit 2) Going to a random party by herself, i.e. "I heard about this great kegger on Saturday that I want to go to alone"-sketchy The real question is why on earth would she go to a random party without even making the motion of inviting her bf...
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#54
05-20-2006, 04:40 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ]
Uh, no. The issue is not that she went to a party without him, it's that she did not invite him or explain why she wanted to go alone. It's pretty rational to view this as an issue. [/ QUOTE ] I'm going to end this thread right now. If OP and his girlfreind LIVE TOGETHER, then this is strange, and a bit shady. If they live together, then she's obligated to update him on her plans, for when she's not home by 5 am, he won't be sitting next to the phone bitting his fingernails in anticipation. A phone call to the police won't be necessary then. However, if they live in seperate houses, I don't think it's necessary. There's a certain degree of seperation when you don't live together that makes this acceptable, you're both independant. Do you tell her you're going to the titty bar to get lap dances? If this bugs you so much, be up front with her. But do not come off as offended, pissed, and insecure. Be a man about it and let her know how you feel and express that it worries you when you don't know about her whereabouts. Which by all is perfectly normal, and she should understand. And..... You need to shed your loner personality. Hopefully I'm not patronizing you, but you did come off as a bit anti-social. Tell her you want to be with her at the parties and enjoy eachothers company, and the company of her friends. Get out of your cave. Have some fun. I'm sure you have a great personality.
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#56
05-20-2006, 04:57 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
It's just common sense that people who really like (let alone love) each other want to spend time together whether together or in a large group. It's not like you've been married for 7 or 8 years and need a little time off to rekindle the fires.
I've seen this before and it never ends well. Honestly, I would dump her for someone else and just use her for sex.
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#57
05-20-2006, 05:05 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] We're in a close and committed relationship btw [/ QUOTE ] then start acting like it and let her go. [/ QUOTE ] Some people have made some good responses here. If you and your GF live together there is protocol to follow. Out of respect I would tell my bf(we live together) that I'm going out with so and so to a kegger or to a bar to have some drinks. "I should be back in a few hours" "do you need me to do anything before I go?" "want me to bring you some jack in the box on the way home" is what I say when I want to have some seperation. It is completely healthy to want that. Ya when I'm at the bars I will flirt with guys, they flirt back. Some ask me "where my man's at?!"(btw that is such a stupid thing to say when you want a girls attention, or HOLLA!) It is normal for women to want that attention. Trust me. If you are in a "CLOSE AND COMMITED" relationship there is nothing to worry about. The problem is that "close and commited" is a cliche that is thrown around way too lightly. I think you are probably not "close" if you are worried about her being social with out you. YOu should talk to her about how you feel. Don't be an ass when you do. Don't be possesive when you do. If you are this way when you bring it up, expect your relationship to go down hill if it isn't going there already. I would suggest writing down what you want to say while you are calm and rationale and reading off this when you talk to her. Guys with jealousy issues can be way too passionate to not act like freakin morons when it comes time to address these topics.
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#58
05-20-2006, 05:08 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I am really shocked by the replies to this. This is not a problem at all. [/ QUOTE ] It's completely subjective. [/ QUOTE ] If you're insecure. [/ QUOTE ] Uh, no. The issue is not that she went to a party without him, it's that she did not invite him or explain why she wanted to go alone. It's pretty rational to view this as an issue. [/ QUOTE ] I just can't imagine myself saying "You're not gonna invite me?" "Who are you going with" "what time are you coming home" Like I said earlier, if I didn't trust her I wouldn't be with her in the first place. I almost ALWAYS give girls the benefit of doubt, but that doesn't mean I won't drop a chick like 3rd period Spanish if ANY evidence is presented otherwise. [/ QUOTE ] If you ignore even indirect evidence like this when assessing a relationship, you're going about it the wrong way. You don't have to ask her why she didn't invite you, her actions speak for themself. If you really liked a girl and made plans to go out without her, wouldn't it be standard to tell her those plans and at least give a reason why she isn't invited?
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#59
05-20-2006, 05:23 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ] You need to shed your loner personality. Hopefully I'm not patronizing you, but you did come off as a bit anti-social. Get out of your cave. Have some fun. I'm sure you have a great personality. [/ QUOTE ] this might be a big deal too. Being stand offish and appearing deep(wether you are or not) was cool in junior high. And maybe in high school too. That crap doesn't fly with women though. Learn to be social with people(first by listening and then by talking). It will do you good. Buy some freakin dumb ass records like kelly clarkson and those top 40 collectives and blast them on your stereo for a month. Loosen up. get out more. YOur girl might think you are great but if she doesn't think you are fun, that is a big deal and might be what this is all about.
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#60
05-20-2006, 05:36 PM
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Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
[ QUOTE ]
Dunno, but if the OP is in high school or early college, she is cheating on him, or looking for someone better. [/ QUOTE ] This is the truth. If the OP's girl was older, then it's quite possible that the girl going to the party on her own doesn't mean anything. However, in my experience, younger girls who do this sort of thing usually follow it up by dumping their boyfriend shortly thereafter. Reason being, she either went to the party with another guy, or she went to the party in order to hook up with another guy. If this wasn't the case, she wouldn't have hid the existence of the party from the boyfriend up until now.
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