Staying friends with people while net worth / income diverges

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I think your friends from high school are more likely to, than your friends from college.

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Interesting, I've found this to be the opposite, same with most everyone I know.

Assuming you're trying to say you're more likely to stay friends with your friends form high school than your friends from college.

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Yeah.

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z,

I think part of being a good friend and not being a douche is having some level of sensitivity about knowing what to talk/not talk about. While I agree that a friend should in general be happy for their friend's good fortune, if you know that someone is struggling to pay rent next month, then maybe it's not the best time to talk about the awesome snowboarding trip you just booked. In my experience, there are a lot of people who don't have any real chip on their shoulder in these situations, but once the richer person starts talking (read: bragging) about certain stuff, then the person w/ less money starts to get a little attitude.

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There's also a lot of scarcely hidden aggression in the richer guy who is doing this to his friends, if he's not just talking but bragging. You can say a hell of a lot about everything you're doing without approaching bragging and mean-spirited one-upsmanship.

I've been in that situation too, and it's no fun hearing a guy bragging non-stop and trying to score points on how he's doing so much better than you. Especially a friend, who you'd think would know better. Money can definitely change people. My own brother used to do this relentlessly, and it was really painful. Absolutely brutal. It absolutely poisoned the relationship for years.

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I dont see varying income brackets coming between my friends and I. Then again we have been friends since we were tiny.

Surely your real friends should remain so no matter how much you are or are not earning.

Acquaintances are different, and usually depend on common denominators

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Agree. Friendships take work, and often dissolve because of inattention/laziness. I think men are worse at this than women. Having different incomes means you have to work harder to sustain the relationships by finding something everyone can do. That's not always easy, and especially if the wealthier party is really into being spendy as a matter of course when going out. Plenty of rich people aren't, but the newly well off especially really like to throw money around.

And very often, maybe usually, the young ones haven't really built up a lot of empathy for others in daily life. So they're more likely to brush off old friends and lord it around a good bit, letting themselves, and everybody they can, know about their "lifestyle," and being narrow and unforgiving accordingly. Sometimes older people get past that and just let friends be whoever they are, and are fine with it. I've always found it's the people who are not quite there yet who do the most obnoxious power playing and conspicuous lording it around; the people already there don't have to, and are finally in a position to relax and see how crummy that is.

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I hope I don't sound like a huge prick from this thread - but keep in mind it's just how I feel - not how I actually react in these situations. My discomfort comes more from being dissatisfied with where I am - not the success of others.

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Actually an internet forum is pretty much the perfect place to be honest and say how you feel. I don't hold it against you in any way. It's what we do that counts. You can feel all kinds of mixed up and messed up and still be a damn fine person day to day.

Way more interesting to hear how someone feels than to hear bullsh*t, and worth more respect to. It's hard to admit to things that aren't all prettied up.

[neuroman]

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OP - You're right, but it depends on the people.

I consider myself doing average for my age, maybe a little behind, and definitely find myself jealous of my friends that have become very successful.

There's no doubt that people prefer to be around people in their peer group / class.

It's kind of like the idea that you love to see your friends succeed, just not more than you.

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"Every time a friend of mine succeeds, a little part of me dies." -- Gore Vidal

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"We hate it when our friends become successful." --Steven Morrissey (of The Smiths)

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I've gone through this pretty directly (and in an accelerated fashion) over the last two years, because I was (and am still) friends with a lot of people I met in college, and now I'm basically self-made and have more money than the people who actually graduated and work 9-to-5s and such (let alone the people I tend to hang out with).

But it's never really caused any problems. We still do some of the things we always enjoyed, which never cost too much anyway. Sometimes I pick up the tab for my friends, because occasionally I want to do things I know they can't afford, but I'd rather do it with them, then go alone or miss it entirely. And of course, in the poker world, I have friends who have money and don't care about these things, and it can go the opposite way-- I'm not really into "baller" stuff or spending for its own sake.

I have had a couple of resentful people, but it's mostly people who had [censored] me over in some way and were jealous of my success.

I'm currently living with one of my friends from college who I hung out with a lot after we both left. He's known me when I was a dropout bum used to hit him up for $20 to play in our home game so I could make enough to eat that week, and he's known me as a self-made multi-thousand-aire who can fly him to Vegas to party for a weekend on a moment's notice. And now, we're just sorta living like normal twenty-something guys. And it's pretty good.

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That does sound pretty awesome all the way around. It's the friends that are there for you when there's nothing in it for them and you're pretty far from glamorous who are worth keeping. It's pretty easy for them to get eclipsed by shinier, flashier friends, but it's a real loss if we let that happen.

[Bond18]

Yea i know how your feeling OP.

For those of us in college it can be kinda awkward with everyone insanely broke and money not a real problem for us poker players.

End result, i just feel more at ease around other poker players. I know it shouldn't be an issue, but somehow, it just is.

[ThaSaltCracka]

if you have hella dough in college as a poker player, you should be ballin it up with your buddies. Buy the beer for a night and mention its because you scored at poker last night or whatever. Trust me, your friends will appreciate it.

[Taylor Caby]

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if you have hella dough in college as a poker player, you should be ballin it up with your buddies. Buy the beer for a night and mention its because you scored at poker last night or whatever. Trust me, your friends will appreciate it.

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buy the beer, but i highly recommend not making a big deal out of where the money came from. it's cool to be the guy who buys a couple extra rounds but its [censored] when people just start to expect it.

one thing i have experienced that many of you may have as well is that people tend to resent other's success more if they feel that the successful person didn't "earn" it.

i started making a very good amount of money in college by playing online poker during my spare time. everyone is broke in college so people were just like "that's awesome man, let's go get drunk."

People aren't as enthusiastic about others making obscene amounts of money doing something "easy" when they are working 50-60 hour weeks for 35k per year. some of my good friends work 80+ hours per week for 120k/year, and i don't sense that people earning less resent their success nearly as much as they do mine.

My opinion is that there are certain people who just resent others' successes and it's going to be hard to stay close with them. However, the vast majority of people are not like this. The key is that the wealthier guy understands that not all of his friends are at the same point in life and he should be respectful of that when with them.

I see people all the time that just feel the need to brag and/or make sure everyone knows how successful they are. If you are this type of person you will undoubtedly have problems staying friends with people who aren't as successful as you are.

tc