Being there for the Birth.

[Your Mom]

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It seems that dragging the man in to attend the birth became fashionable around 15-20 years ago, right around the time that political correctness and SNAG's and what-not began to appear. Before that we just sat it out at the pub with our mates.

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I don't think so.

[Your Mom]

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Dr. Drew actually got into this on Love Line once. He said it was a BS remnant of the "sensitive man 90's" and that a guy shouldn't be there if it makes him uncomfortable, which it always does.

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Then Drew's a [censored]. All of us have to do things that make us uncomfortable all the time. It's called life.

[StellarWind]

I was there all three times and I'm very glad I was.

Be prepared for sleep deprivation. First children often take much longer than subsequent births. There can be many-hour periods where nothing happens. Hopefully she sleeps and you bring a book.

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A few have admitted to me that it has effected their sex life. They can't get the image out of their heads of a raw and bloody childbirth. They won't admit this to their significant others, and they will deny ever having said it, but it is there.

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I can't relate to this at all and don't understand someone feeling that way. But everyone is different and I won't claim to speak for anyone but myself.

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And the primary reason is that the woman has natural ways to deal with it. She gets a huge natural endorphin or something or other release that gets her through the event. I mean, if girls didn't get that and remembered every excruciating detail, they sure wouldn't want to go back and do it again, would they? But we don't get any natural chemical release to get us through it. Nope, we've got to stand there like a stoic, holding her hand while she screams through the roof. Doesn't sound like I'd forget that in a hurry.

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This depends a lot on what pain-management technique is used. This is something that you should discuss in advance. If she chooses an epidural she will not suffer too much pain unless some complication precludes its use. Without drugs she faces a difficult experience but knowing that it was her choice should help you. It's not like she is being tortured while you sit by helpless. She'll be fine and that should allow you to be fine.

One thing you should do is attend the childbirth classes with her. Education will prepare you for what lies ahead, even if you choose not to be at the birth.

My wife is truly my best friend. I can't imagine leaving her alone with strangers to face this. Even if I were afraid I hope I would have found a way to overcome it. Supporting her when she needs you most will deepen your relationship, not damage it.

[Gordon Scott]

My only child took 15 hours to deliver and I spent most of that time giving back rubs, ice chips and getting my hand squeezed off because my wife because she wanted to go all natural. It was almost 21 years ago and it was the most incredible experience in my life.

I can’t speak for others but I’m personally glad video wasn’t popular at the time.

Best of Luck

[Ser William]

I can't add much new but I was there for the birth of both my kids and it was incredible. I am terribly squeamish so I just stayed up on her shoulder and never looked down. When the baby is born we had him/her (first time a boy, 2nd a girl) taken immediately to the heated table to get cleaned off (some moms want the baby immediately up on their chest) and I just went and spent all my time there while they stitched my wife up and cleaned up the mess. I refused to even cut the umbilical cord, I'm that squeamish. But, those last few minutes coming out / first few minutes afterwards is like an out of body experience, so exhilirating, makes you feel so alive.. that I wouldn't pass that up for anything.

[Zurvan]

I was there for the birth of my daughter. I can't say it was a great experience, but my wife wanted me there. I spent the entire delivery talking to her, and didn't once look at what was happening. That's for the doctors to worry about. For me, I just helped keep my wife calm, and counted to 10 when she was pushing.

My wife had medical problems, so it was an emergency induction. The baby was upside down, and couldn't come out. They used the vaccuum, which popped off her head, and made the most terrifying noise I've ever heard. Until the next push, and they did the episiotomy. When my daughter was finally born, she was blue & limp, and not making any noise. It was literally the longest 5 seconds of my life before she finally kicked her little legs, and starting making her little squeaky breathing noises. She was 4 weeks early, so her lungs were sticky, and she didn't breath properly for 30 minutes or so. They rushed her to the Nursery, and hooked her up to a bunch of machines. You couldn't have gotten me away from her with a bomb.

It's an incredibly powerful experience to see your child being born. It will amaze you what your wife can do, you'll never look at her the same way again. If you're concerned about it affecting your sex life (and my wife & I both were), just stay away from the business end of things.

[jaydub]

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As a woman, I think you are all mad and a little bit cruel. You shouldn't even ask HER to be there at the birth. This is why God made general anesthetic.


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Not sure what you're ranting about, most women demand their husband's presence and I'm pretty sure her presence is required.

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I detest the hateful trend of the man being there in the delivery room -- sometimes complete with video cam! -- and thus obligating his wife to go through horrendous pain when it is completely unnecessary.


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What does the man and a video cam have to do with pain? Epidurals and cameras are not mutually exclusive.

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There is something sick and unhealthy in this culture which glorifies placing a pregnant woman in unnecessary pain merely to give the man a good story, a gross-out video, and a boast of how he was there.


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I have a very different interpretation of the man's presence and the desire for video cameras than you do. I believe that their presence is almost universally dictated by the woman, as is the choice of pain management.

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Guess what. If you didn't carry the child for 9 months, if you didn't strain the kid out through a body part that is much too small to accommodate the human head, YOU WEREN'T THERE and standing there with a videocam doesn't change biology.


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Actually I believe it is appropriately sized for a head thus ensuring the survival of the species. I will reiterate, the man's presence is at the behest of the wife for support. Just like the previous months (actually 10, not 9), his role is to support the wife and make her as comfortable as possible. This includes everything from going to the doctor to hear potentially bad news to ice cream runs at midnight.

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What the hell is wrong with people? I suppose I'm old-fashioned, but for the love of God, give your wife the privacy and the space to be able to call for relief. Every minute of pain she suffers in the delivery room so you can "be there" is entirely unnecessary and happens only to gratify your ego.


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How does a man's presence prolong the experience?

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It is sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.

The world would be a better place if every man who patted himself on the back for feeding his wife ice chips in the place of allowing a doctor to give her general anesthetic was forced to give birth through his penis.

It ain't about you. If you love her, back off and give her room and deniability to get away from the hateful natural childbirth crap and take advantage of modern technology. It's 2007, not 707. If it's old-fashioned to despise unnecessary pain and suffering, I will take the old-fashioned man any day of the week.

No real woman wants to be on videocamera screaming in pain with blood coming out of her privates and her hair messed up. If she says she does, it's because she thinks you expect it -- and, sadly, too many of you apparently do.

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Again how is this the man's doing?

OP,

I was there for our first and will be there for any future kids. As you do not yet have a pregnant wife and may not even have a wife, I frankly do not think you are in a position to forecast what you will do in the situation.

J

[elwoodblues]

I haven't read through all of the responses, but you can be there and not actually watch it happen. Just be there to support the person that you love in a time when they really need it. I witnessed both of my kids (though both were C-sections.) It was scary to see my wife in such a state, but the instant I saw both my son and daughter my eyes welled up with supreme delight. There hasn't been a better experience in my very satisfying life.

On a side note, I just found out yesterday that my wife is pregnant with twins!!! I am in trouble.

[Mrs. Utah]

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On a side note, I just found out yesterday that my wife is pregnant with twins!!! I am in trouble.

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Congrats to you and the Mrs.! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[mrmarkus]

I was there for all 21 hours of my daughter's birth and let me tell you that I wanted to be there. I wanted to be there to see my first born come inot the world. I wanted to be there to support my wife. I wanted to have that experience of seeing a life I created with my wife come into this world.

I watched every minute of the labor. I watched my wife deal with pain for 19 hours and be able to do nothing about except hold her hand, get her ice chips and tell her everything is going great. I was also there when after two hours of pushing when the doctor told my wife that she had to have an emergency c-section because the baby's heartrate was too high. My wife looked at me and said, "I tried so hard. Is the baby going to be alright?" I told her of course but I had no idea. Just to be there for that, I think got my wife through the ordeal. Now we have a beautiful two month old girl.

So, OP, I understand your concerns and reservations but the bottom line is that your wife, girlfriedn lover or whatever needs you there. Trust me, at times it is not easy. Your wife goes through a lot and you can't do anything about it. It is a helpless situation. But having you there makes it the slightest bit bearable for her.

Also, in regards to guys not being there in the past, I think that there are two reasons for that. Long ago, before pain medicine and eppidurals (sp?), women went through hell and having the guy there was too much for the doctor or midwife to handle. In the more recent past, the women were knocked out so it didn't matter. Nowadays, women are totally awake, somewhat relieved (at least most women) and need the support of the one they love.

Lastly, about the relation of birth to having sex again - trust me, you will be down. The reason being is that after your wife gives birth, you are on the DL for a while and when she finally calls you out of the bullpen, the last thing you are thinking about is childbirth. Trust me.