What will make you happy?

[gumpzilla]

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But the more I talk to friends the more I realise that everyone seems almost anxious about the future and the uncertainty of whether they will be happy. Someone just told me he is happy now, but wonders if he will ever be REALLY happy until he marries that perfect girl.

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Relentless pursuit of perfection, while good for many things, seems terrible to me for relationships. This is a pretty solid way to ensure that you don't become happy.

It's a good question you're asking, and without trying to sound snotty or like I have all the answers (I'm only 26), I think that it's pretty much the fundamental question of growing up. It's something you need to figure out for yourself.

[Howard Treesong]

My children bring me vast joy, for their affection is unalloyed.

From a career perspective, I've had a few extraordinarily intense experiences where a team of people worked very, very hard to get a particular result. It creates a very strange espirit de corps that is quite memorable; and in that context, I've done some things professionally that I never thought I could do (or, more properly, feared I could not do).

The sense of satisfaction that comes from doing a job I enjoy, and doing it well, doesn't rest on compliments from others, but rather on my own sense of a job well done. That sense of satisfaction makes me happy.

If you can, find a job you enjoy doing. Money alone is no substitute for time.

[guids]

Im pretty lucky, Ive always been pretty happy, I guess ignorance is bliss, dunno. Only thing though, my brother just had a baby. Him and his girlfriend, and my niece I love them, I see them with the baby and its awesome. So lately Ive been having the feeling that...hrm...maybe that would be cool, maybe I should settle down, find a girl, then I get a little listless about things, for some reason, becuase I dont have that.......




then the baby starts to cry, or needs changing, etc, and it snaps me back into reality, and I think WTF!, I cant handle that yet.

[Howard Treesong]

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then the baby starts to cry, or needs changing, etc, and it snaps me back into reality, and I think WTF!, I cant handle that yet.

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I was horrifically worried about that point before Little Treesong No. 1 came along. I can say that I never once got frustrated or angry with her for late nights or sickness or crappy diapers or any of it. It's a labor of love.

LT No. 2 once vomited on me in front of 100 people waiting to board an airplane. I laughed, thinking "what can you do?" Does that explain it well enough?

[HDPM]

Agree that you can't really get it until the kid is there. Best thing we've ever done, and it isn't close. I was worried if I could handle the trying moments, etc... No problem

[Quanah Parker]

Most my friends are starting to breed(have kids) and I'm totally bemused by the whole thing. I think getting married/having kids serves to distract most people from even wondering if they're happy or not. I think a lot of folks are content simply having something to do. If a person doesn't seek a wife/kids then how is one to justify their existence? I think the thought of being one's own self and living each day for yourself scares most people a lot more than they would admit, or even realise.
Additionally, I think any couple having 3 or more kids is a much bigger burden on this planet than all the frigging yuppies driving hummers. China's one baby policy is a good step to longterm happiness for society. Then again, nobody voted me Gawd almighty, and what you do with your life is your business. If you're happy, sweet! If you're not, you've got no one to blame but yourself. The good news is the person who has the most control over your happiness is yourself.

[ShakeZula06]

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Of course, a lot of what I'm talking about boils down to them. Women. I know it's cool and 'alpha' to spout lines about ignoring them and not putting them on a pedestal, and for years I believed it. (Although I probably didn't follow it.)

But the more I talk to friends the more I realise that everyone seems almost anxious about the future and the uncertainty of whether they will be happy. Someone just told me he is happy now, but wonders if he will ever be REALLY happy until he marries that perfect girl.

Is that relationship even enough though?


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Here's a quote a read from a friend of mine's facebook page (zOMG obv a chick, no guy has feelings wtf) not sure where she got it from but it goes-
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You want to know what happiness is? It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lies on anyones shoulders but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the gentlest manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and involuntarily a grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this


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Reading it I couldn't help but like to have something like this.

As for this part-
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Or do you need to have children with that person and see the smile on your son or daughter's face to experience that happiness we seem to crave?

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Possibly. There is at least a biological 'craving' to have offspring (hell, that's why people started having sex in the first place) but for a lot of people yeah, having kids and raising them well would bring a lot of happiness.

I like to use a sliding scale with regards to happiness. What I mean is, you say you're not happy. I would say you're happy, in that you enjoy the life you live, just not to the level you want. For instance a kid living in dorms can be happy even though he'd rather live in an apartment. Someone living in an apartment would be happier living in a house.

Of course, the need for that great relationship with the perfect girl can make all those other things pretty small, even though everything else being equal you are happier with the other good things in life, right?

[asofel]

Great post. Lots to say, but I'm working through a second bottle of Pinot Grigio (researching for the El D forum) and would probably just ramble for a while. But, I think the writing style is great, and I know what you're talking about. I'm actually curious to know how old you are (and others replying) because I think there's most likely a common age range for many of us dealing with these issues (mid/late 20's). Anyway, I'll make a better response tomorrow, but great thread and great posts so far everyone.

[SackUp]

I just finished a very selfish time in my life - law school and then taking the bar. I was happy at the time as I knew I was going for a greater goal, but complete happiness was in the distant. I was always happy, just not complete.

I have since graduated law school, passed the bar, and have a great job. That made me pretty happy, but it was not until I met my current g/f that I have began to see what is all about. I went to law school so I could have a good job, do something I enjoy, make some money. But when it really comes down to it, I want to be able to have a good job so I can provide everything in the world for my future family. I cannot wait to have kids and to share the world with someone.

[limon]

pretty deep question, not sure if anyone really knows. my wife is a psychologist and her institution was part of a study of buddhist monks. these dudes are incredibly happy. some of their brainscans make it look like they are constantly in a state of bliss. what they do is meditate on what is good in life and sorta just tell themselves they are happy/content. they train their brain to be happy. its also called cognitive behavioral therapy it think. not sure because hearing my wife yap about it all day pisses me off...lol.

personally, freedom makes me happy. pretty much everything in my life is geared towards being able to say fuq you to whomever i want, except my wife which causes me alot of angst at times.