Funny/weird Roommate stories

[doubLe a tom]

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I use to live in a house called H.O.D. It stood for House of Destruction or whatever the hell you wanted to call it. My roommates were basically just crazy hardcore kids and one kid who turned into a little bitch because he got a girlfriend, whatever, story time. So one night my friends and i are getting drunk and i decided that i didnt like the speed detector that was on the route right near our house. So i got one my friend, collected a bunch of 40 bottles and proceeded to go outside. On the way to the street, my roommate tucker comes running out and tells me to not [censored] do it because one more visit from the cops and we'll be evicted. I tell him to shutup, the thing is like a 1/4 mile from our house and we'd never get caught. Plus, having one of the those speed trap things outside isnt punk rock, right?? So me and my friend go anyways, and we start hurling bottles at it. Turns out those things have alarms and it started blaring, and i guess it was loud enough that my roommate heard it all the way back at the house. So i get back home , laughing it up, and i find my roommate waiting for me, weilding a knife. He starts yelling at me, telling me he's going to kill me, and chases me around the house swinging the knife at me. It was the scariest thing ever, he kept slashing at me and missing and cut up some of my posters and then when he decided he was done, he started to stab the door a dozen times. So what do i do, i get in a car with a friend and decide to go to Hobart to throw bottles at stupid jocks.

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This may actually be the worst post ever on 2+2

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[flyty86]

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I had a roomate that would come home drunk and pass out on the couch. standard, right? except that he would go to his bedroom, get his blanket and alarm clock, hook up and set the alarm clock, THEN pass out on the couch. wtf?

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maybe the couch is more comfortable than his bed. i like our leather couch a helluva lot better than my bed.

[Shajen]

I'm not gonna repost it, someone can search if they want, but long story short, a roommate in the Corps [censored] on the floor, then crawled into his bed with mashed [censored] stuck between his toes.

(censored word rhymes with spit)

[morphball]

This one is really more about me being a dick to a roommate than anything else, but here goes...

When I get to Penn State East Halls (the freshman dorm) on orientation day, I meet my roommate Joe for the first time. Joe is the quintessential dork/tool. Short, dresses poorly, thick glasses, acne, etc. Well, this sucks, i got thrown in with a tool, but I can handle it. It gets worse...

After the standard intro's (name, major, etc.) we get into the gist of living together. Joe reveals his total tool-dom.

In bed by eleven, he doesn't want me to wake him up. He's a neat freak and wants me to be neat. His side of the room is his side of the room, and I shouldn't be in it, ever. He also doesn't want me to touch his food (which is standard I guess, but not the way he brought it up...). His TV so he doesn't want me to ask about watching shows, etc., etc., etc. Well I can't wait to get to orientation and meet some "real" people, where I meet some cool guys (two of whom would become my pledge brothers.) We party, i meet a hot Korean chick, but only get her number, and then we party more. This was my first night of real drinking, and I stumble in my room at three o'clock in the morning and puke in Joe's garbage can. (I don't think I did this on purpose, but I may have...)

Wake up the next day, and Joe is just sitting on his bed, staring at me, waiting for me to wake up. He's upset that I woke him up my puking in his garbage can, and I can see his point and I offer to clean it. He says don't bother cause he did it at 6:00am. I go to eat with my new friends, and I come back and here him on the phone with his mom talking about me. I leave. As time goes on, he gets more toolish, and he makes friends with some guy who literally never showers and sticks up my room.

Then my friends finally catch wind of how toolish my roommate is, and prank calls are decided to be in order. Chopper (one of them) proceeds to call up my room asking for me in his impersonation of a big black guys menacing voice. Joe answers, since I am obviously not there, and Chopper asks for me. Dave's not there. Well you tell him Charles called, okay? Okay, I will. No, you be sure to tell him Charles called, do you hear me? Okay, I'll tell him.

I go back into my room and Joe says, some guy named Charles called. I say oh yeah? Yeah, he sounded really angry. I tell Joe not to worry about it.

Two days later, when I am out of the room, Charles calls again. Dave there? No. Where is he? I dunno. When's he getting back? I dunno. You tell him to call me, you tell Dave to call Charles. Okay, I will. You better, I'm serious, that cat owes me a lot of money. You tell him he better call me.

When I get back that night, Joe tells me I better call Charles. I tell Joe not to worry about Charles. Joe says that's the second time he called, he sounded pissed and he says you owe him money. I tell Joe not to worry about it, that I can handle Charles.

This process goes on for about two more weeks, until one Friday night we are drunk, and the real Charles, who is our friend and happens to be a big huge black guy is drinking with us. We decide to bring our prank calls to the next level.

Chopper calls Joe again, and in his most angry Charles voice ever, Dave there? No. Where is he? I dunno, he's out drinking or something. I've been calling for two weeks now, have you been telling him I've been calling about my money? Yes. [censored]! You have not! Yes, I told him to call you. You're a liar, you haven't told him and I want my money! (At this point, Joe decides to get a little back-bone...) Look, I told him alright, he won't call you, why don't you stop calling here, okay.

"Charles" freaks out. What? You little punk-ass snot! I'm coming over there, and since you haven't given Dave his messages, you can pay me. I want my fooken money, and you better have it!

Then twenty minutes later we send the real Charles to bang on my door, screaming I want my money. Joe comes out with a baseball bat and is crying. Charles runs away, but Joe notices us all peaking our heads out of rooms and from corners laughing at him.

He runs back inside balling, and we later sneak up to listen to the door and hear him balling on the phone to whom we assumed was his mother.

Joe got a new roommate after that, and I got a warning from the R.A., but it was worth it.

[blinden84]

I think this story was even greater because I kept hearing charles in the "Juggernaut Bitch" voice.

[z28dreams]

This happened actually pretty recently:

After a night of heavy drinking with my female roommate, we got back to the house and both headed upstairs to crash out.

Our bedrooms are across from each other, with a bathroom in the middle.

I fall asleep, but about an hour later, I hear a door creak open. I assume my roomie is just using the bathroom, and think nothing of it. A few minutes pass, and I still have the creepy sixth sense feeling that someone is in the room.

I peek around and my roommate is standing at the entrance grasping for an imaginary light switch (where it would be in her room).

Me(Neil): "Nicky! What are you doing?".
Her: "Shhhhhhhhhhh........ you'll wake up Neil"
Me: "Nicky - this IS Neil - you're in my room?"
Her: "Shhhhhhh be quiet I need to goto bed"

At this point, she proceeds to mount my TV. It's in exactly the same place where her bed would be in her room. The best part is that she must have spent 5 minutes trying to figure out why she couldn't get IN the bed.

I'm guessing it was a mix of sleep walking and being drunk.

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When I lived in London I hated letting from a family and having to sink to their standards of hygeine (a chicken bone once decomposed on the kitchen floor), so when my friend and I got a chance to move into a duplex we jumped at it. We jumped so fast that we shared the place with the previous tenants for a month.

They were a couple of big girls, and ill mannered to boot. Not overtly rude, but inconsiderate to the extreme. They had agreed to be out by a certain date, but when they weren't my friend went ahead and moved his stuff into their room anyway. In it he saw a packing list and some suitcases. The list went something like this:

"beach wear
bar clothes
cammera
books
toelietries
diet - SLIMFAST!!"

He moved the suitcases out of his way, and one of them was a lot heavier than the others. So heavy it was hard to move. So he opened to see what the hell these girls were bringing to Turkey that weighed so damn much.

Slimfast. A good sized suitcase completely full of Slimfast. I'm not sure what they were hoping to accomplish, because it was going to take a lot more than just Slimfast on vacation to get these girls to the point where you could even call them heavy.

[pnthrfn]

My roommate my freshman year had night terrors where he would scream in his sleep. Our room was pitch dark and he would just start screaming out of nowhere. It really caught me off guard at first. I don't think he knew that he did it either. Oddly I didn't mind him waking me up at four in the morning, I more thought it was hilarious.

[AEKDBet]

didn't like to get out of bed at night, peed in 2 liter bottles.

f'ing gross.


Also jerked off in kleenex and would throw them off the side of his bed, next to the snotty ones. His mom would come over occasionally and clean it all up.

[break0ut]

Had a roommate one semester who everyone hated, total reject. So he got revenge on us by leaving some frozen chicken behind the stove right before Christmas Break. When we got back a month later the whole place smelled like a small animal had died. It took about 2 weeks to find out what had actually happened.